90 Day Fiance; Season 12 Episode 4

Marissa & Edward:

Marissa and Edward headed out of the airport for his first time riding in a BMW. He stared out the window, noting all of the large, extravagant houses that differed from his local neighborhood back in the D.R. The car pulled up towards Marissa’s humble abode and Edward seemed shocked to learn his new house was actually the set of “Home Alone”. He couldn’t believe he was going from lacking hot water to his own private bathroom….. Well, sort of. Marissa doesn’t like to share her private en-suite commode, and has made it clear to Edward that he can squat on the pot in the kids’ bathroom down the hall (She did generously give him a one night access pass to her personal shower for the evening, since he traveled). They later headed up to the master suite where Edwards unveiled his newly circumcised member that got a makeover specifically for the big move. Luckily Marissa approved, as it was her requirement to sleep in the bed (otherwise he’d have to move to a blow up mattress down the hall).
The following morning, the two went downstairs for a breakfast of milk and hard boiled eggs. Edward was schooled on the proper way to make the bed, which of course was whatever Marissa wanted. She then dragged him for a power walk around the neighborhood for a crash course in her version of “physical fitness”. Edward was quickly beginning to realize that he was going to have to fit perfectly into Marissa’s world or he suffered through a circumcision for nothing. 
It was then time for the big meeting between Edward and Marissa’s ex husband, Michael. He came over to the “Home Alone” house to drop off her two kids, and stayed for a little father-to-stepfather chat. Mike started out hard, making it known that he would protect his sons at all costs, but then loosened up his tough-guy act to commiserate with Edward. He let him know that Marissa is very particular, and her wealthy parents have high expectations. Though Edward appreciated the heads up, he seemed to feel confident enough in himself that he would be unbothered by any and all snarky comments made by his future in-laws, but appreciated the advice. 
Previews for next week show Marissa already annoyed (I guess he used the wrong grey boring hand towels in her guest bathroom).

Mallorie & Rash:
Back in Alabammer (Which is how you pronounce Alabama with a New York accent..), Mallorie introduced Rash to her former friend-with-benefits, Brandon. She tried to play it off as if there was nothing between them and it was just a deep friendship based on “favors”, but Rash wasn’t buying it. He felt like “Brandy” (his adorable nickname for the plaid-clad bearded burlyman) was a threat. 
Later that night, Rash and Mallorie (along with her menagerie of dogs) were curled up in bed, discussing the upcoming “redneck” themed party. She was concerned that he may try and start something with “Brandy”, but hoped he’d tone down some of his Turkish Machissimo and learn to accept her co-ed friendship.
The next morning they went to the town center to grab a cup of coffee in the rain, in a local old-timey store. Rash noted the lack of people around town, which seemed to be a big change from his homeland. As they sipped their poorly poured coffee (Compare to though incredibly showy high-pours in Turkey), Mallorie admitted she had to uninvite a few bad apples from coming to the backwoods bash, since they made comments about her future husband being a “terrorist”.  Rash seemed unphased, as he urged her not to get upset, as he realized they were just ignorant, as there are bad people in all cultures. 
Back at the house, Mallorie’s best friend Macayla set up the “Redneck Party”, sparing no details. All of the attendants sported overalls, plaid, beer bellies, and mesh back hats. Mallorie doned a beer can as a curler, while Rashi chose to wear a simple doo-rag, mullet included. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, until “Brandy” asked Rash to do a shot. The two took down some whiskey shots before heading to the back of Brandy’s truck for some man-talk. Brandy was offended that Rash sat on his tailgate, uninvited, as he glared over at him through his darkened Oakley sunglasses. He seemed put off that he had to deal with Mallorie’s new suitor (And it seemed likely he was one of the people who called Rashi the “T” word). I think the only explosions Rash would be setting off are in the bathroom later, after all of the “American whiskey”, “American cheese”, and hot dogs  went through his system.

Ashia & Maxwell:
Ashia was packing her bags as she got ready to head to the airport. She brought along her “old bag”, aka her mother, Juliette. Mama Ashia wanted to tag along in the event that God sent her daughter a message that she should get married in Nigeria. (Whatever you do, Ashia, stay AWAY from any and all “cleansing” ceremonies and wear shoes to the goat market!! Ask BabyGirl Lisa 1 and 2 for any other advice)
Ashia’s friend drove the mother/daughter duo to the airport, advising that her dear friend should proceed with caution when it comes to getting married to a man she hardly knows. 
Once at the airport, the 2 ladies started their long journey towards the famous and infamous Lagos International Airport. Ashia was so excited to finally be reunited with Maxwell, while Mother Ashia was more interested in grabbing lunch.
We finally got to meet Maxwell, who looked to be living with his parents in a more upscale apartment (Especially when considering all we have seen in Lagos was Sojaboy’s Yahoo Boy shanty, Daniel’s mud cave, and Mikol’s family compound). He greeted his ladies at the airport with 2 beautiful bouquets, as she showed off the results of Ashia’s mandated skin care regiment and fitness routine. She claimed to have been happy with his results (but most likely will complain behind closed doors later). 
Things seemed off to a good start, but we’ll have to see what God says the next time he calls collect. 

Catie & Josh:
It was time for Catie and Josh to leave their comfortable AirBNB and head towards the horror of their new apartment that she was for some reason allowed to pick on her own. She admitted to not having seen the place in person, only in an online video, while Josh tried to maintain optimism. She hopped into the driver’s seat, erratically driving over bridges while twitching,farting, singing, and discussing her favorite topic; Making out with everyone else that isn’t Josh. The whole “loose lips” thing was beginning to get a lot less cute, as Josh’s hairline receded another ¼” every time Catie spoke.
The two finally reached their home sweet home, and Josh seemed slightly optimistic. Though the place was a bit of a Soviet bunker, it at least had a separate kitchen and small bedroom. Catie asked Josh to help her move in her old twin mattress, which was covered in hair, miscellaneous stains, and black specks. She then pulled out a box marked “Not Safe For Work”, which wound up being a double sided dildo. Josh laughed with surprise, as Catie waved it around, accidentally revealing that it was only “slightly used”. And now I’m thinking they should just burn the bed….
The two managed to settle into the tiny filth bed just in time to realize they were located right next to the parking garage, which had a loud beeping noise alarm that went off every time someone went in or out of the parking area. Though that seemed like a non negotiable annoying quality, Josh has managed to tolerate Catie this far, so his patience seems greater than most.   

Debby & Midol:
After last week’s blow up, Debby suggested the two had a peace talk. They headed to a local coffee shop to discuss Mido’s expectations that Debby would be his stage mom. She tried to tell him that she wasn’t in the mood to be a personal photographer. Mildew insisted that Debby try and act like number one fan as well as an obedient, respectful wife. Debby tried to ignore the whole thing, as she pressured Midol to give her an official engagement ring. 

Previews for next week include the two both dressed up in his and hers Pharoah outfits, which I’m hoping is just casual loungewear, and not a costume of some sort.