90 Day Fiance; Season 12 Episode 13

Marissa & Edward:

This week Marissa schlepped Edward along while she taught an exercise class. He seemed to enjoy watching her boss around a room full of uppity upper middle class women instead of him for a change, and it seemed as though the two were in a better place for the time being. 

They later went out for a date night, where the conversation got heavy fast. Edward started making vague comments about going back to his country, as Marissa asked him to keep things light and easy for a change. He seemed to want to discuss the positive space they were in, by rehashing negative scenarios, which sent Marissa into a ponytailspin (That’s a tailspin where Marissa’s weave lines show while her hair is in a ponytail…which has been happening for the entire episode and I can’t stop staring at it). She ran off camera, refusing to discuss anything real in fear that she’ll confirm that marrying her vacation boyfriend is a dumb idea. 

Catie & Josh:

Frick and Frack took a bike ride in the beautifully gloomy Portland weather and stopped to have a rainy picnic. Catie decided to wear a leather jacket over some kind of bra top, which made her look like she was riding around topless…..which…wouldn’t be shocking.

As they sat down to eat lunch, Catie told Josh all about her big night out and how she gets a gold star sticker for not making out with anyone for one entire night. Josh went into a spiel about feeling unwelcome as an immigrant, while Catie chomped away with a piece of deli meat hanging out of her mouth, twitching and wondering if this would be a bad time to bring up the idea of having an open relationship.
After approximately 34 blinks, Catie decided she’d had enough “oh poor immigrant Josh” talk and blurted out the idea of making out with other people down the line in their marriage. She felt it was scary to think about a future where she wouldn’t be able to drool all over another stranger. 
Josh, on the other hand, was under the impression that drooling on one person forever was in fact the definition of marriage, and so, he declined. 
Looks like next week we get to watch the Parents Josh and the Parents Catie meet for the very first time. Hopefully, Catie won’t make out with Josh’s dad… 

MeDooDoo & Debby:
The newly engaged couple set out to take a cooking class. As they pulled and pried the heads off of some scrimps (Which I named “Mido #1-10), Debby desperately tried to get Mildew to pretend like he was excited about their upcoming nuptials. He tried to appease her with a lackluster peck on the cheek and a “Love you too” reply, but was obviously a “Debby Downer”.

Later on Debbie went to meet up with her friends, Laura and Astra, from the infamous haunted house outing with Mido. They were in shock to discover that Debby had agreed to marry him, especially since he had been such a jerk to them, as well as Debby while in public. The gals accompanied Debby to a floral shop to look for a bridal bouquet, as the wedding was the following day. As they shopped, the Friends’ Debby sat her down to make sure she had thought everything through. Though she appreciated their concerns, Debby seemed firm in her decision to go through with the biggest mistake ever, that is, unless her son, Caden is unable to attend. She admitted that Caden hadn’t yet met his future Stepfather, as he was in college and working full time. She received a text from her son at just the right moment, saying he was too busy working at Applebee’s to come to the wedding (Did ya like that? I slipped his boss a $20).
After the meet up with her friends, Debby went back to see MeDooo and let him know she wouldn’t be able to go through with the wedding if Caden wouldn’t be there. Me-don’t think she should go through with this. Caden, your her only hope!

Paula & Thomas:

With the Family Paula coming any minute now, the two scrambled to turn every plush surface inside of the apartment into a potential sleeping place. Thomas felt like 8 people staying in a 1 bedroom apartment for a week was a bad idea, but Paula reassured him it would be great. 
She was endlessly annoyed with Thomas’s annoying comments about their new makeshift dining table taking up his personal “yoga” floorspace, but overlooked it as her parents were on their way.
The entire family Paula (Mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law and 2 nieces) filed inside, infiltrating Thomas’s sacred home, making comments about his awkward decor and lack of furnishings. Thomas (Unlike Kenny) was able to communicate with them, as he had learned Portuguese (Which made it very hard for the family to talk about him while he was in the room). 
Paula’s brother, however, made it a point to take her aside to make sure she wanted to go through with marrying and OCD weirdo who would surely make her have to manifest not being on an episode of “Snapped”. Paula admitted that she was equally as infatuated with living in L.A. as she was with Tom, but didn’t want to cancel the wedding and let her family down. 
I will-y be manifesting-y that these two just breakup-y.

Ashia & Maxwell:

Back in Nigeria, Ashia and Maxwell’s sister, Blaise, took a little trip to the fabric store to find material for a wedding dress, with only 2 days to spare (I was thinking “Ready to wear” might be more appropriate, but Ashia lives dangerously). While shopping, Blaise felt the need to once again bring up her concerns for Maxwell being bossed around once he moves to the U.S. 
Ashia used the bible to justify her bossiness, and reassured Blaise that Maxwell wants to do every single thing she tells him to.
Later on, Ashia met up with her “God brother”, Rod, and family friend Cathy, to discuss the upcoming wedding. Rod was concerned about Maxwell’s ability to get a job once he was in the U.S., which didn’t seem to concern Ashia, as she figured Rod could just hire him to work with his business. Rod was so taken aback, that he threatened to leave Nigeria early, as he didn’t want to attend the wedding. He pounded the table as he spoke, which caused Aisha to play the victim card, as she left the table claiming he was “violent”. 

I’m thinking she’d better open her personal phone line to God about getting this dress done in time. Two days?! We haven’t even bought a goat yet!