Before the 90 Days; Season 8 Episode 12

Daniel & Babygirl Lisa #2:

After last week’s positive blessing from the “Coming to America” King (Sponsored by Wayfair furniture and ToysRUs stuffed lions), it was hard to believe things could turn out this $hitty…. The scene opened in the lovers’ hotel room, with Daniel casually snacking as Lisa recounted her harrowing night. Apparently whatever cuisine she was fed at the King’s Brokedown Palace didn’t sit well with her, as she diarrhea-ed all over the bed. Though Daniel found himself to be engulfed in the tidal wave of excrement, he still seemed to be committed to the cause, playing the “supportive fiance” role. He calmly sat there snacking, while enduring what I could only imagine was an unforgivable stench that would surely cost Lisa her “damages” deposit from the hotel. She may have lost any shred of dignity, but what she did gain, however, was status in the 90 Day Hall of Fame.
Though Mother Summitt would have excused BabyGirl Lisa #2 from any and all of the day’s activities (Since she had several diarrheas…), Daniel insisted the show must go on. Just when she was feeling the most nauseous, he announced he had planned a cooking class so she could learn to be a good “Igbo” woman. Lisa was a trooper, as she powered through, agreeing to be stuffed into a tiny trailer where she was shown several ingredients left over from an old episode of “Fear Factor” that combined to create Daniel’s favorite stew. He seemed to appreciate her efforts as the two sat down outside to enjoy Lisa’s creation (The one from the cooking class, not from the hotel room).
Lisa decided that since Daniel had already showed the ultimate sacrifice, it was time that she come clean (And not just showering and changing the sheets), about her marriages. She divulged her 6 previous nuptials, which along with diarrhea-bed, also left Daniel unphased. It was when she announced she was still technically legally married that he finally got mad. Lisa busted out the water works (Out of her eyes, this time) as she tried to convince Daniel that she had been separated for 9 years and was only still legally married on paper. As his anger grew, she was unsure of what to do, even offering to give back the engagement ring, as Daniel stood pondering how he could have possibly slept with another man’s wife. What do you think he’ll do when he realizes he’s actually been sleeping with another WOMAN’S wife? (I’m not sure the religious ramifications of being diarrheaed on by another woman’s wife…. That’s a whole other blessing). Lisa got on her knees begging his forgiveness, as she groveled before him. Realizing that she wasn’t getting anywhere, she pivoted to plan B; Drink a lot of wine by yourself and cry, using your wig as a tissue, if necessary.
The two shared a cab back to the hotel where they slept in separate rooms for the night (I believe Daniel stayed in the diarrhea-scented suite). Once in her new quarters, Lisa called her daughter Faith to give her the update as she cried and screamed. Faith encouraged her to come clean with Daniel, before she lost him for good. It seems that Lisa might be up $hit’s creek without a paddle……

Forrest & Charlie SHEEN:

Mother Molly was still grilling the couple over their recently announced engagement. Forrest tried to explain to his mother the reasoning behind all of Sheen’s many lies, which still do not make any sense. Molly mocked her son, questioning Sheena’s possible motives and begging him not to be blinded by love. Dev, on the other hand, was still staring at a leaf from three weeks ago, because he is the best. Molly felt that Sheen was manipulating Forest into getting engaged and refused to bail him out of any future disastrous breakups like she had in the past. Forest and Sheena waddled away, feeling sad, but also proud that they had stood up for themselves. And Dev? Dev was busy looking at the pool…

Elise & Joshua:

Elise’s very Miami bestie drove her to the airport for her 30 hour flight down under. She expressed some concerns, as Joshua told her he planned for them to stay at a vacation rental with his pal Chris. Though this seemed like an immediate red flag, Elise was intent on meeting her latest “Love of her Life”, no matter how bad we know it will turn out.
Once at the airport, Elise had a panic attack over her tourist Visa being denied multiple times, which ultimately was caused because she entered her name incorrectly. Classic Elise..
Back in ‘Stralia, Joshua headed to the airport with his friend Chris, all dressed up in matching suits, as they planned to schlep her out drinking after her 30+ hours of travel. Josh confessed to Chris that he worried about Elise’s reaction when she found out he was living with his ex, instead of with his parents, which was another lame scenario. Josh waited nervously as the two finally embraced at the baggage claim, like many have done before them, both approving of the others’ in-person appearance. Elise was hoping she could shower and change before heading out on the town, but her two sharp-dressed male escorts informed her they were pressed for time. She changed into one of her “sluttiest” outfits in the airport bathroom, as they all headed out as a dynamic trio. Though Elise claimed she was going to do things differently this time by not “leading with $ex”, she immediately reversed course by repeatedly announcing she wasn’t wearing underwear or a bra. I give it 2 days before she’s in full on psychosis.

Rick & Trisha:

For some reason, Trish decided to forgive Rick for lying to her and having a week-long fling with his ex-girlfriend in Colombia. She seemed to be proceeding with caution, as the two pressed onward with the rest of the planned trip. They returned from the ruined romantic getaway and ventured out to see a local boxing match. Trisha playfully made a wager that if Rick picked the prize fighter, she would have makeup $ex with him that night. Lucky for him he won back her heart and another round on the old slip ‘n slide garbage bag.
The next plan was to head to her hometown where Rick would get to meet her family. He seemed nervous, realizing that her parents most likely would prefer her to be with a younger guy without kids. But wait until they see him tap dace!

Aviva & Stig Da Kid:

Aviva had yet another meeting with Auntie Spring (and I guess her cousin??), Corinth. The two ladies tried to warn Aviva to proceed with caution in her relationship with Stig, as they claimed he had been seeing Corinth’s friend. Corinth decided to “phone a friend”, asking her about details of her Stig-mata (That’s when something’s the matta when you’re dating Stig). The friend spoke only to Corinth, not even on speaker phone, as she claimed she and ‘Da Kid had been having “relations” on and off, up until a month before Aviva’s visit. Aviva still seemed unphased by the information, though she did kinda sorta believe he cheated.
She then went with Aunt Spring and Stig to meet Father Stig for the first time, to discuss the cheating scandal as a group…which is normal, especially when first meeting your boyfriend’s dad. Even Father Stig doubted his son’s ability to be faithful, being that the ladies think he’s the Belize Knees (It’s like the “Bee’s Knees, but in Belize). Ultimately Aviva decided to move forward with their relationship. I wonder if she’ll be mad when she sees Stig’s confession that he cheated before her arrival…