90 Day Fiance; Season 12 Episode 16

Mallorie & RoadRash:

Now that the baby-makin’ debate has been put on the back burner, it was time for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Mallorie taught Rash how to “pre game” before hitting up the strip club, in order to save herself a buck (But not the kind Brandy likes to shoot). Rash was joined by his friend “See-Hat” (At least that’s how I read it) who was also from Turkey, but currently living in New Joisey. Rash was so happy to see SeeHat, especially since it meant he wouldn’t be alone at a strip club with his BFF “Brandy”. The friends’ Mallorie rented a party bus to really enhance the fun, making sure to make full use of the pre-party twerking time.
The girls headed off to a biker convention, while Rash and his fellas went to view the topless ladies of the evening.Once at the naked dancing establishment, Brandy took off his sunglasses (but not his mesh back trucker hat) for more of an “evening look”, as he hooked Rash up with the “deluxe lap dance package”. He seemed to be enjoying himself, so much so that he decided to get up on stage and outshine the ladies on the stripper pole.

Meanwhile, Mallorie and her gal pals were having fun at the biker meetup, which unfortunately there were no real life “Jax Tellers”. The girls sat her down to discuss she and Rash’s current state of affairs.  Mallorie claimed they were in a much better place now that she staved off the baby making conversation for another year or two, and she was excited to move forward with the wedding. Her mother and sister were planning on attending, though Father Mallorie politely declined, due to Rash being Muslim. She hoped that Rash would be able to form a relationship with dear old dad in the future (Though I’m guessing Brandy and his sunglasses are more his type). 

Thomas & Paula:

It was the night before the wedding, and the couple went out for a pre wedding date night. Paula was annoyed that Thomas had made them ride to the restaurant on his bike, to save $20 in parking fees (Though Dave Ramsey thought it was a brilliant move). Paula was realizing she was about to commit herself to having a cheap and annoying husband, was manifesting a flight back to Brazil.

Marissa & Edward:

After the big fight at the restaurant, the couple tried to talk it out and see things from each others’ perspective. Marissa blamed her excessive mood swing on being “hangry” (which, by the looks of her cheekbones seem like it might be a viable excuse), which Edward quickly added to his “American slang” vocabulary. They decided to make up and head closer to their wedding date, pending a prenush agreement.
The next day Marissa and Edward took a trip to the wedding venue to finalize some of the details. Edward was in awe, as he’d never been to a fancy wedding in his life, and finally felt the nerves start to creep up towards his yucky hairline.  
The next day Marissa met up with her mother at a local vineyard for some pre-wedding wine tasting. Mama Mariss pretended to be interested in listening to her daughter’s fairytale relationship details before finally calling in the family lawyer via satellite to burst her bubble. Marissa seemed surprised to learn that if things didn’t work out, she would be responsible for Edward for 10 years, owing him 40% of her salary. This seemed to be an eye opening experience (Except for everyone who has seen the previous 11 seasons of 90 Day Fiance). Mother Marissa made her realize that she was risking being unable to provide for her kids because she “loves” Edward when he’s doing everything she wants him to.

Maxwell & Ashia:

Aisha knows what’s best for Aisha. Ashia didn’t like the way Rod spoke to Ashia, so she spoke in third person for a while, attempting to convince her friends and family that she was a grown adult making an informed decision that God has endorsed personally. Looks like next week Maxwell will be allowed to peak for the second time all season…

Shea & Anabelle:

It was finally the big day, as Shea and his friend got ready to squeeze his bloated neck into a suit. Anabelle had a bridal makeover sesh with Shea’s daughters, who finally accepted her as a step mother of sorts. They gave her a “school picture day” high ponytail, which seemed to clash with her Amish tablecloth lace wedding dress, as she cried thinking about her family missing out on the special occasion.

Shea waited anxiously for his blushing bride, surrounded by his friends and family (Who were all wondering if they had to cut their dad’s toenails to become his beneficiary). Shea had a friend read his vows, as it was too emotional for him, as he was busy gazing into Anabelle’s devious eyes. We didn’t get a chance to hear Anabelle’s vows, though I’m sure they included promising to clip his nails and detail his boo-hole forever. After the ceremony, they went to a buffet style tent party, where there was laughing, dancing, and lots and lots of booze. The party moved back to the couple’s air bnb, where everyone seemed to be having a great time. Mazel tov to the happy couple! I was going to buy them a toaster, but I went with a powersaw for Shea’s toenail clipping instead.

Josh & Caity:

Josh’s British female friends were in town for his traditional “Stag Do”, which is a more embarrassing bachelor party of sorts. The stark difference between the two cultural experiences is that a stag-do is meant to be embarrassing and rarely involves a strip club. The Friends Josh dressed him up in a sequined outfit and red wig, which was supposed to be a Spice Girl costume (Though it looked more like Caity’s hair, which made the whole costume more of a “Space girl”). While they were stag-doodling around town, Josh’s friends asked about his “boundaries” with Caity, which of course led to a conversation about the open marriage topic. They advised him to firmly establish that he wanted to have a monogamous marriage, which…theoretically is kinda the whole point.

Back at the wedding venue, Catie was surprised to see Josh in his sequined dress, as she droned on and on about how much work she had done for the wedding (Most likely because she left everything to the last minute). As they went to bed that night, Josh tried to reaffirm his position on monogamy, while Caity blinked a lot and thought about making out with the wall, the lamp, the doorknob, and the camera man. Can’t wait for the wedding!! (I’m not buying them a toaster because Catie might makeout with it)