The Other Way; S4, EP 9

Daniele & Yohan:

The segment this week opened with a shot of a rival butcher shop with better reviews (now with 10% MORE flies on your meat!) The newly reunited couple settled into their apartment, with Daniele’s 16 suitcases exploding everywhere. She rushed to make Yohan join her in a video chat with her guru “Baba”, the cult leader behind her new religion. Daniele had a translator on the zoom chat so Yohan could understand the predictions of BabaBlacksheep. After shaking up and rolling around some leftover chicken bones from his lunch, he told Yohan to be careful with his throat, especially eating fish with bones, and also mushrooms (but somehow, he neglected to tell him to beware of eating meat that’s been sitting out on a hot counter for days…). Daniele was shocked that Yohan wasn’t instantly impressed with the guru’s psychic abilities, and questioned if he was open to changing his religion. Yohan (who is basically the Dominican Lurch) grumbled something to the effect that he was happy with his current religious policy, and would not be changing providers. It was at that moment that the lights conveniently went out (or maybe production helped that along by flipping the switch). Daniele was surprised to hear that Yohan had neglected to tell her they needed to set up their electric separately before moving in, and that he expected her to pay for it. Too bad Baba didn’t see that one coming..

Next they decided to go out for lunch to celebrate their one year anniversary of meeting. After discussing things they’d like to change about each other (and somehow not naming Daniele’s hair or Yohan’s awkward polo shirts), Daniele told Yohan her old “friend” was in town and wanted to get together. Yohan realized quickly that this was actually an ex boyfriend of Daniele’s and refused the meeting at first. He felt it was disrespectful, and “unwife-ly”. Can’t wait to see Lurch make a new friend when he caves into Daniele’s request next week.

Nicole & Sooo MaaaachMood:

Meanwhile back at the “Grand Pyramids Hotel”…..
Nicole sat alone, pouting, after last week’s blow up fight with Machhhmood. Apparently Moodyboy stormed off all the way to his family apartment, where he was consoled by his brother Ahmed. Brother Machmood with the Ossama-teeth insisted that Mock-mood return to his wife at once, scolding him for leaving her alone (Even though she demanded he do so). Brother Maaaachmood sat down alone with Nicole to work as the couples’ therapist, trying to subdue the distraught Nicole and convince her to stay. Maccchmood entered the chat, first defending his point of view, but at the advice of his brother, calmed down to appease his He-Man impersonator. 
When they got a chance to talk alone, Nicole tried to negotiate for better outfit options, but Machhmood refused to budge. They seemed to reach a fashion stalemate, ending the conversation by both agreeing to end things and Nicole would go home.
Just as they were about to head back to the apartment, Brother Machmood pulled up with more of his wisdom, convincing the couple not to talk about anything of value, and just move on. 
They decided “Ahmed Knows Best”, and agreed to ignore all of their issues for the night.
The next day, Nicole and Machmood were enjoying “family game night” out at a restaurant. Ahmed’s wife, Fatima tagged along, describing her own struggles with accepting Islam, being that she was from China (And I’m sure she was the only Fatima in her class growing up..). She whispered to Nicole that she secretly hated wearing the hijab, but did it all in the name of Brother badtooth. Ahmed tried his best to assure Nicole that she would come to accept things in time, carefully grooming her to give up all of her wacky outfits, precision bob haircut, and occasional beer and lighten her (mach) mood.  

Gabe & Isabel:

It’s finally the follow up to Gabe’s truth bomb he just dropped on the Parents Isabel. He sat nervously awaiting their feedback after hearing “he” was formerly a “she”. 
Father Isabel spoke first, asking to hear the entire story from the beginning. Gabe did his best to explain (and must have fine-tuned that pesky Jihoon translator), as the parents Isabel sat speechless. They began to process the situation slightly, letting Gabe know they don’t feel any differently about him as a person, and he is still welcome in their home. Father Isabel was much more accepting than anticipated, but asked to hear more details about the subject at another time (hopefully not as many explicit details as we all got to hear a few weeks ago). They ended their heartfelt segment with a warm hug, and Gabe gave both parents a complimentary pair of Pecker Pants (ok, that’s my version and I’m sticking to it.) Isabel was so relieved and proud of her parents for being so loving and accepting, and was glad she and Gabe could move forward with their plans to get married.

The next morning, Gabe approached Isabel as she was hanging up the laundry, complaining about the firmness of his guest room mattress. Speaking of uncomfortable…though the conversation with her parents went well, Gabe was still feeling a little unsettled. In his experience, people haven’t been so quick to be as loving and accepting, and he wondered if Isabel could speak with her mother privately to get the inside scoop.

In the meantime, Gabe took the kids out to a pottery painting place to paint a dish as part of his big proposal idea. He told the kids about his idea of proposing to their mother, and was relieved that they both seemed to be on board. 
Isabel took the time to sit down with her mother (who’s sewing room- though a chaotic mess, was still not as bad as Daniele’s new bedroom), and talk about her true feelings towards Gabe. Mother Isabel seemed to mean what she had said, but was a bit more cautious now, feeling there may be more she doesn’t know. Like where the semen comes from…

Jen & Rishi:

Back on the farm, Jen was outside spraying bug poison all over (and probably came into less contact with cows than she did in India). She sat for a video chat with her two besties, letting them know she recently was approved for her 10 year Visa (which is great news, since traditionally that’s how long it takes 90 Day Indian men to tell their mothers they are marrying older American women). Her friends tried to advise against repeating her most recent terrible idea, though Jen insisted she wanted to give the relationship another chance. Jen’s friend reminded her about Rishi’s online correspondence, but this time divulged that he had sent topless photos in a flirtatious way. Though Jen was upset by the online breach of faithfulness, she seemed resolute in her decision to return to India. 

Meanwhile back in the land of Mike Jones…. Rishi was practicing his best dance moves with a friend when they took a quick break to discuss his love life. Friend Rishi inquired about Jen, asking if her next trip to India would be permanent. When Rishi told her of their plans to marry, she all but laughed, having personally witnessed many times the “Indian Jesus”’s flirted with the ladies. Friend Rishi also went on to ask if he had ever cheated on Jen, since every time they go out to a bar he stays longer than everyone else, flipping his hair to and fro, and “smizing” at each girl he meets. He denied any cheating took place, but in the most roundabout way.

Jen was at her mother’s house, packing her bags, as it was time to go back to India (It looked like Jen decorated her bedroom in an Indian motif… I hope it included letting a cow live in the corner in a pile of dirty newspapers for authenticity). Her sister in law agreed to give her a ride to the airport, which was the perfect time to speak privately about Rishi-gate (the topless internet photo scandal). Sister In Law Jen told her to be realistic and honest with herself, and not to stay if she had any doubts. She and Jen shared a tearful goodbye, as Jen loaded up her leather fanny pack and headed off into the airport. (Don’t worry, Sister-in-Law Jen… she’ll be back soon. The VISA was only for 10 minutes and she ready it wrong).

Kris & Jeymi:

It was the big wedding day for the two ladies, as they met up with Jeymi’s glam squad to prepare. The brides-to-be decided to get ready separately, each taking turns with one of the stylists. Jeymi was a bundle of nerves as she sat down in the makeup chair, probably wondering how Kris was going to sit there to get her hair done with all of that neck pain.. (well maybe she wasn’t wondering but I sure was!) The makeup artist worked overtime, really putting his contour skills to the test as he spackled Kris’s face and gave her eyebrows (finally). That man deserves a large tip for his community service.

Since Kris’s family could not attend the wedding, she decided she would wear her mother’s dress, which was a big hit in the Victorian era. Between the high neck collar and flower crown, she looked like an extra from “Midsommar”, and yet, it was somehow an improvement from her usual fashion statements. Jeymi, on the other hand, chose to go with a dress that resembled traditional Mormon undergarments.

Kris and Jeymi beamed with excitement as they shared their “first look”, approving of each others’ makeovers as they headed out to their restaurant ceremony. The officiant performed in Espanol (Kenny, so glad you weren’t there..that would’ve been a lot of work for me) as Kris cried tears of joy for reasons she couldn’t understand. Jeymi (who’s tears were melting her foundation) also seemed extremely happy, for reasons I couldn’t understand. The two were finally pronounced “married” as their family and friends looked on from their zoom chat. Reception to be followed at the gun shop with the afterparty at la farmacia for some “party favors”.