MAFS; Season 12, EP 1-3

I have watched Married at First Sight since the beginning. From Jamie’s breakdown on season one, to Ryan and Jessica and their restraining orders, to the Duhons and Heather leaving because she hated smoking. I’ve seen every episode of every season ever. After season 10 with Brandon and Taylor, I almost quit. It was seriously the worst season of any bad reality show I’ve ever watched, which says a lot. I just thought the show had hit such a low point and there was nothing else they could do with it. And then…… there was season 11; The Redemption. The experts did their jobs (okay maybe they didn’t make sure Christina had a viable home address…. But still). They gave us Woody and Amani, Bennett and Amelia, and it was a good time. The experts must have still been drunk from celebrating last season when they made their couple selections for Season 12..

Here goes nothing……

Clara and Ryan:
Clara is a 27 year old naturally bleached blonde flight attendant with a quirky personality. She is looking to find someone to talk to for ever and ever about everything and anything, who will be supportive and in it to win it. After a slew of dating horror stories, she feels ready to take her chances with a stranger, though admits she tends to get her feelings hurt easily and often. Enter Ryan, a seemingly easy going adorable guy with a hipster haircut who is very steady, predictable and focused. Though he has dated and had serious girlfriends in the past, he has never told anyone in a romantic relationship the L word, though he thinks in the right situation- he could. 
After the excitement of finding out she was matched and will be getting married in 2 weeks, Clara set out with her mother and best girlfriends to drive a poor bridal sales attendant crazy. She wanted her dress to reflect her personality, explaining that it should be fun, but not fun-fun Not boring but traditional, blingy but maybe lacey, not poufy but not form fitting…. You know, simple. After a few dresses, Clara selected one that was super plain, form fitting  with spaghetti straps and a tie in the back. Riveting. 
Ryan on the other hand picked a classic black tux with a bow tie and called it a day (like the mensch that he is). 
On the morning of the wedding, Clara and her friends/family were in the hotel room getting glammed up. Her makeup artist went heavy handed, making her skin a lovely shade of orange, though she did look nice in the end. She wasn’t crazy about her traditional updo, or the botched hem on her super plain dress, but she was ready to meet her husband.
Despite that haircut, Ryan looked great on the day of the wedding and came up with the fun idea of he and Clara being blindfolded as they walked down the aisle so they could connect first by holding hands before seeing each other (Such a fun idea, though as a bridal hairstylist the thought of potentially messing up hours of hair and makeup is slightly enraging. Marrying a stranger is exciting enough, Ryan. Stop getting creative). Ryan waited patiently at the end of the aisle, as Clara’s father escorted her, blindfolded. When the blindfolds were removed, the two seemed to be pleased with the big reveal, as they breezed through their wedding ceremony. Their first alone conversation (alone with a camera crew, that is) seemed to flow fairly well. Clara made some bold statements, telling Ryan that her biggest fear was that she would fall in love with him, but he wouldn’t return the sentiment. A little heavy for the first 4 minutes, but she doesn’t seem like she holds much back.
The wedding reception included an awkward first dance, mingling, and Clara talking 100 miles an hour. Ryan looked so tired, like all of Clara’s fast talking just wore him out, but he did tell the experts he wanted a “500 Days of Summer” type of girl, and it seemed like they over delivered.

Virginia & Erik: The Color Purple
Erik is a 34 year old pilot (though I’m pretty sure I read that wrong and he’s 43). Being a pilot, he has had a hard time dating due to all of the travel with his work schedule (and probably because he looks like a blonde Glen Quagmire from “Family Guy”, who is also, ironically, a pilot. Giggity.)
Erik had been married in the past, though it was more of a marriage of convenience due to military commitments, and he feels as though he now knows what he wants. He’s looking for a down to Earth girl who he can joke around and have fun with, who wants children, and who can deal with him flying the friendly skies half of the month. Erik’s mother, Donna is very skeptical about the idea of her son marrying a stranger, since she is more traditional, and just a tad bit intimidating. Erik was matched with Virginia, a 26 year old fun loving gal from Atanta who has a thirst for life…and drinking it all in. Virginia loves to go out to bars and party, but is looking to find her bar-mate for life. She comes from a family with a history of multiple divorces, and wants someone who is ready to commit and stay with her for the long haul.

Virginia went dress shopping with her girlfriends, who wasted no time poppin’ bottles. She was a bit upset that her family couldn’t be with her during this milestone of wedding dress shopping, but luckily her stepmother surprised her for the occasion. Virginia chose a simple sleeveless dress with applique details that screamed “fun yet elegant”.  Erik chose a plain black tux which somehow ironically looked like a pilot’s uniform. 
The morning of the wedding, Erik was both excited and nervous, but ready to go all in. Virginia and her ladies in waiting got the morning of prep started off right with shots and drinks. The real star of the show though, was Virginia’s purple eyeshadow (This is why you don’t piss off your makeup artist!) Her hair was lightly curled, (though obviously going to fall flat in 5 minutes) and with the eye makeup, she looked like she was going to a sweet 16. Purple seemed to be the color of the hour; the bridesmaids’ dresses, Virginia’s Hot Topic employee streaks in her hair, and of course the sweaty eye shadow smeared all over. Erik and Virginia seemed to be equally as pleased with each other when they met at the altar. They breezed through their ceremony, going in for a real deal kiss at the end. Virginia, who was possibly hammered at this point, was hanging all over her new husband while taking their wedding photos. They seemed to enjoy their wedding reception, even though Erik’s friends let Virginia know they didn’t picture him attending Burning Man any time soon. Both Erik and Virginia were nothing but open mouthed muppet smiles, and it looks like so far so good.  

Briana and Vincent:
Briana is a 28 year old upbeat and optimistic engineer from Atlanta. She lives by herself with her Yorkie and is a self proclaimed neat freak and #boss. She is looking for someone who is handsome and successful that can accept all of her quirks. Though she has yet to realize it, she has been matched with Vincent, a 28 year old entrepreneur who is family oriented. His family described him as very hard working, and he’s hoping his new wife will support his dreams of owning his own successful business. Right off the bat it seems as though these two may be a decent match, as they seem to both want the same things. 
Briana and her friends have fun choosing a wedding dress, which was simple yet elegant with a high slit in the front. Vincent went for a more flashy approach, choosing a bright blue patterned tux jacket, making sure the bride won’t be able to miss him in the room.

The couple seemed to be pleasantly surprised seeing each other at the altar, both smiling ear to ear. They seemed to have good chemistry in their first conversation after the wedding and throughout the reception. Briana found out her new husband’s favorite meal is breakfast, though she won’t be making him any bacon, as he found out she’s a pescitarian. Vincent was interrogated by Briana’s bridesmaids who wanted to make sure he was a genuine guy with good intentions. These two seem like a good fit, so maybe the experts will at least have gotten one match this season. 

Paige & Chris:
Paige is a 26 year old accountant/realtor and dog mom who has always dreamed of being married. She is deeply religious, and believes she was put here to be a wife and mother, even claiming to be open to the idea of a honeymoon baby (which spoilers show she may actually be getting!). Her ideal man would be equally as career driven as she is, but also a God fearing man who really wants a family A.S.A.P. As luck would have it… the experts have so skillfully matched her with Chris, a 27 year old finance manager and entrepreneur who seems to fit the bill. Though Chris claims to be a deeply religious man (and even being a preacher for a brief time himself), he is not shy in telling the world that he is looking for a submissive woman who is a “freak” in bed ( I believe this is a direct bible quote). He wants to have a maximum of 7 kids to “replicate” himself as well as build his empire. His journey to success was a bumpy road, as he was briefly homeless, living out of a rental car for a few months during his first job in Florida, before being offered a dream job as a finance manager in Hotlanta. His romantic history is a bit sordid, as he was engaged twice before with the most recent engagement ending 3 months prior due to mutual distrust (… and the red flag-o-meter goes wild!!) Pastor Cal felt Paige and Chris would be a perfect match due to their mutual goals and spiritual beliefs, but possibly discounted Chris’s ego.

Chris met up with his dreamy pastor, Dwight, to discuss his fears for his upcoming marriage. He somehow manages to tell Pastor Dwight with a straight face, that he fears this whole endeavor may be too soon since previous engagement, and he’s contemplating holding off from sleeping with his new wife until he knows her, so as not to cloud his judgement. The pastor encouraged Chris to hold off, so he can try and make a love connection, rather than his usual lust connection, even though Chris is looking forward to “reproducing” himself. Pastor Dwight also encourages Chris to make sure he’s done with his past relationship and to tie up any loose ends so he can start this new marriage fresh. 
Later on we saw Chris and his pastor shopping for his wedding look, which ended up being a bold patterned tux with glittery loafers and exposed ankles. It’s a look. Paige on the other hand went with a long sleeved lace dress that accentuated her curves, reflecting her personality by being both sexy and traditional. 
Chris is standing at the altar, panicking over whether or not he would feel initially attracted to his wife. Though this would be a very common feeling for anyone in this situation to have, Chris just seems to have bad delivery when he speaks. Paige came walking down the aisle in her bright white long sleeved dress looking beautiful. Unfortunately Chris didn’t feel like the initial attraction was there. After their seemingly nice and God infused vows, they shared a quick and awkward peck as new husband and wife as they set off to have their first real conversation.
Once alone, Paige found out a lot about Chris… like the fact that he had 3 tattoos, one of which is his recent ex fiancé’s name. She also learned that Chris’ ex had a yorkie, much like she does. Of course all of the talk about the ex fiancé seemed to be a red flag, but Paige seemed committed to the experiment and the fact that Chris was supposed to be her husband for a reason.  She did, however pick up on the fact that the chemistry seemed off, and was hoping it was mostly just nerves. 

Once alone at the wedding reception, Chris asked Paige a series of inappropriate first date/first wedding question, including asking if she was a virgin, and then telling her in detail about his pre wedding  “self love” abstinence. If all of that oversharing wasn’t enough, Paige met up with her new inlaws to get to know each other. Chris’s father, also named Chris, clued Paige in on a way to keep her new husband happy, which included a “feminine touch” when he comes home from a hard day’s work. Her new mother in law sat by, listening, without much interjection. 
Paige’s bridesmaids met with Chris separately to get to know him a better, which brought about mixed feelings. They felt like he was a genuine person, though he had an inappropriate dry sense of humor, but didn’t like the fact that he claimed to usually date “trophy wife” type of women, which is not a category he thinks includes Paige. Her bridesmaids tried to set Chris straight, letting him know all of Paige’s positive qualities and attributes, though the only one he seemed to notice was what he coined as her “aZZ”. Paige seemed to just be taking in all of the insight and conversation from the evening, while maintaining a positive outlook and willingness to put her all into her new marriage. Just watch out for those honeymoon babies….

Jake & Hailey:
Haley is a 28 year old sales representative who is the last of her friends to be married. She claims to be ready to find someone to go on adventures with, who will be able to appreciate her fierce independence. Her girlfriends were shocked to hear that she was going to be married at first sight, as they feel she’s not generally open with her feelings and tends to be closed off. Jacob is a 38 year old I.T. guy who is a self proclaimed dork/ bodybuilder who loves everything 80’s. Since his somewhat recent move to Atlanta he’s found it hard to meet people, so he’s taken up home improvements(fixing things, not the 90’s sitcom.. That’s 90’s, not 80’s) as a hobby. He has outfitted his home with a sauna, home gym, and turned his dying grass into a backyard beach. Jake shares his unique bachelor pad with his three dogs, who hopefully appreciate 80’s home décor. Jake’s friends were shocked to hear about his decision to marry a stranger, even though he himself is strange and unusual (a quote from an 80’s movie. But please, don’t match us.) Pastor Cal claims Jacob and Haley could be a great match, since Haley can pull Jake out of his shell and Jake can teach Haley about Z Cavariccis and Brat Pack movies. 
When shopping for a wedding look, Jacob somehow resisted wearing an 80’s style tux, and went for more of a timeless look, making Jacob the only thing that looked “vintage” (I’m in disbelief on every level that he is 38). Haley found a simple dress with a high neckline (kind of reminded me of Jessica’s from Season 10… SHE kind of reminds me of Jessica from season 10, so makes sense). 
The morning of the wedding, Haley and her bridesmaids are getting ready, excited to meet her new husband. She walked down the aisle to meet a stoic yet awkward Jake, who seemed relieved when he saw her (though probably disappointed that she didn’t walk down to INXS). It was hard to tell with Haley whether or not she found Jake attractive, as she seemed pretty hard to read. The two read their vows, revealing they both love dogs, and will now have 4 in total between them. Jake seemed to be squirming with nerves, as he stood at the altar, taking it all in. The two shared a kiss as they headed out to have their first one on one conversation. Jake felt immediately attracted to Haley, as she slightly resembled his celebrity crush (Jennifer Aniston). It’s hard to say whether or not Haley found Jake attractive, but hopefully she’s into fanny packs, if nothing else. During the wedding reception, Haley learned that her husband only eats steak and eggs and loves to talk about it. 
So far I’m not really seeing the reason for this love connection, but if it doesn’t work out, Jake can always create a woman on his computer ala “Weird Science”, because, 80’s. 

Also in the episode…
All of the wives met up for cocktails prior to their weddings (though Virginia seemed the most excited). Clara brought all of the ladies lingerie in preparation for their wedding nights, as the girls discussed what they were most excited about as well as their insecurities. Paige incidentally revealed that she’s a bit of a freak in the bedroom (sounds like the experts got that part right about their match), and was hoping to wait for her husband to show his STD test results before going there. Virginia admitted she wanted someone who wouldn’t judge her drinking habits (that’s for the rest of the internet to judge). 
As in recent seasons of MAFS tradition, the girls all met up for their joint bachelorette party. They all seemed to be letting loose, especially Virginia. Clara even commented on Virginia’s drinking abilities, especially after hearing her praying to the porcelain Gods in the bathroom. 
The husbands had their get together as well, with Chris openly spilling the beans about his recent failed engagement. While the guys were all discussing their fears about this unconventional marriage, Chris chimed in mentioning his biggest fear- an ugly wife. Vincent stepped in to be the voice of diplomatic maturity, reminding Chris to keep an open mind, as each couple has been matched for a reason. Chris also brought up the possibility of a honeymoon baby, which shocked all of the soon to be husbands . The guys all admitted they needed to delete their dating apps as well as cut off communications with a few special someones. 
During the group bachelor party, Jake convinced everyone just how weird he is, while Chris took the cake by showing up late with a blow up doll. Vincent was a little too interested in the strippers during the bachelor party, hitting on her as she danced in a cage.