The Other Way; Season 5, Tell All Part 1

The OTHER Way Tell All kicked off with a bit of confusion… that is, Kenny made an appearance for literally no reason, and they brought back JEWEL-E-O, who has been missing since episode 6. Holly was busy getting lost, half naked backstage, while Shekinah arrived in a hot pink spandex dress and was snubbed by Daniele. Kween Kimbally #2 wandered in, ready to primal scream if necessary, and Daniele showed up without her weave.
They all trickled into the green room to say hello and start some pre-show drama. Jewelio seemed ready to shed some light on his relationship with Norwegian Barbie, and Shekinah thought she was an actual Barbie. But like the kind with the brown hair, because that’s what Sarpie likes.

Shaun was looking svelte on set as she finally opened the show. Brandan and Mary joined in via satellite, unable to join since they had just had their baby girl, whom they named “Midnight” like some kind of black cat adopted on Halloween. Holly revealed she had been back load shedding her hair all over the US for the last 4 months, estranged from Wayne the Drain, who was looking very dapper on the video screen. 
Shaun started off the show with Jewelio and Kirsten (Though post-break up, he is now back to plain old “Who-lee-yo”). Shekinah was sitting next to an oil painting of the perfect male specimen…Oh silly me! That’s what I thought it was, until it moved and I realized it actually WAS the perfect Image of a man! The SarperImage.  
For some bizarre reason, there was a panel of 90 Day veterans brought on stage including but not limited to Kalani, Tim, Undrrrrrei and Tania (fresh from the shed and looking as miserable as ever). 

Kim and TJ started first, discussing their relationship ins and outs, beginning with the apartment with the horrible lip on the countertop. Apparently TJ had taken out a loan for $12,000 to build the dream family dwelling without first discussing things with Kimbally. Kim pointed out that culturally TJ didn’t feel she had to know.  And did someone say the word “India” three times? Because when you do, that’s when Jenny and Sumitch magically appear. Jenny (with her new brown hair) felt Kimbally seemed like an entitled brat that should have been more appreciative of the beautiful wedding and welcoming attitude she received from the family TJ (Of course Jenny was just projecting, since her Mother in Law threatened to kill herself when she found out her son was marrying an ancient artifact). Kimbally got the crazy eyes, as she rudely laughed at Jenny as she spoke, and called her names like “Darlin’”, clearly not respecting her 100 year old elder. Jenny tried to scold Little Miss “I hate India”, when Kimbally responded by calling her a “C U Next Tuesday”, as the 90 Day panel went wild. Armando was the first one to try and put Kim in her place, while Kenny explained that Kim likes to escalate problems (as the EH-VUH-DENSE videos of Kimbally acting like a psychopath played in the background). Jenny continued to express her feelings about Kimbally, while Kim rolled her eyes and snarled her non-existent upper lip.

Next in the hot seat (which for them, is always Hottttt, especially if you’re asking them personally), Shekinah & SarperImage. Everyone cringed rewatching the couples’ “greatest hits”, including the time when Sarper knocked the lollipop out of Shekinah’s mouth at the gym, and called her sister names that weren’t as bad now that Kimbally was around…

Shekinah claimed the relationship was the best ever, and that she appreciates a decisive man who bosses her around. She played a few little voice messages from the Turkish tyrant, reminding her of how to dress for the Tell All, and what to eat while on break. Holly agreed that bossy men were where it’s at, as Undrrrrrrei nodded his Moldy head in the background.
Shekinah’s sister Shariyah came on with a video message, expressing her feelings on her future cro-mag-in-law, which sent Shekinah into a fit. She apparently stopped speaking to her 6 sisters and mother, since they were unsupportive of her relationship with Sarper. From the expert panel, Kalani looked horrified, unable to fathom not speaking to her sister over any man, especially one who’s a huge pain in the boohole.

The cast had to break for lunch, as they sat in the green room trying to school Kimbally on how not to be a little br@tty @sshole. Kimbally listened to Kenny and Shekinah, who explained how bad she had come across when loosely hurling crude insults at Jenny (Who had been called equally as bad names by her family-in-law, just not in English). 

Back on set Julio and Kirsten were up, with Shaun playing their episodes so everyone could remember who they even were. Though Julio admitted he was cold and uncaring during their breakup, he felt it was justified since he suspected Kirsten was cheating. Through the screen, Kirsten watched in her rainbow corset dress seeming appalled, and denied any cheating allegations. Julio claimed she had been talking to some “friend” that she referred to as “Papi” and tried recording her conversations. The details of this scandal are unclear, and also….uninteresting.

I’m personally looking forward to hearing more about Yohan’s side action, Sarper’s life advice, Kimbally calling more people vile names, and watching Holly run off the stage barefoot into a janitor’s closet, where she will remain for 2 years thinking it’s just load shedding. 

Until next week!! (I’ve gotta go feed Midnight her Meowmix…..)