MAFS; S12, EP7

Jake & Haley:

The couples are all heading back from Vegas to start the next phase; moving in together. Jake and Haley stole the drama spotlight for a minute, as they chose to sit apart on the flight home as a result of the fight the night before. Jake felt that Haley had lied to him when she went to meet up with the rest of the cast members alone, and has been acting awkward around him ever since they did the deed. Haley claims she had no idea where any of that is coming from, and that it’s all a big misunderstanding….but also, she’s not so into him.

They mutually enter their new apartment, wasting no time getting to the meat (or steak) of their argument. Jake articulated where he was coming from in regards to being left out of the couples’ hangout, and did mention that some of his insecurity in this department stems from a past relationship. The couple slept apart that night, but Jake did apologize to Haley via text from the guest room and hopes to eventually move forward. (He should’ve faxed her an apology. It’s more 80’s)

Moving right along, in MAFS tradition, Jake went over to Haley’s place to scopt it out. He was mostly interested in checking out her clothing, which luckily for him, were mostly in the style of this new 80s fashion revival that’s trending, unbeknownst to Haley.  We finally got to visit Jake’s Oasis and meet his wild pack of dogs. Haley was presented with 80s style sunglasses upon entering as Jake tried to impress her with his eclectic fashion sense, without much luck. 

They didn’t show the beach or sauna, and only showed Haley checking out the 80’s man cave with the neon lights, to which Haley’s said “Gag me with a spoon!” (Ok she didn’t, but that would’ve been an applicable 80s response).Back at their joint apartment, they introduced their dogs one at a time, with Jake’s corgis going Kujo on Haley’s poor dog Sophie. 

Pastor Cal came to check in on the couple, as they sat on the couch waiting for him with Sophie, who seemed to favor Jake to her own dog-mom .

Jake started by explaining that Haley has a complete lack of physical touch,and has seemed to pulled away from entirely, after what he thought was “a good start”. Haley seemed to skirt around the truth, which is that she just doesn’t like him and thinks he’s old and weird. Maybe the experts should have started by matching him up with someone at least born in his favorite 80’s that can watch Cobra Kai with him for the adults and not just the teenage love story plot.

Briana & Vincent:

The couples arrived at their shared apartment complex and started to explore their new home.

Briana begins nit picking, making sure Vincent takes his shoes off when he enters the house, cleans up his beard to her liking, and reminding him that she likes everything spotlessly clean. She even admitted to the cameras that one of her quirks is to clean up after people behind them, which is enough to drive anyone crazy.

Pastor Cal headed to Briana and Vincent’s place to check in and see how they were holding up. They seemed to be happy and thanked PC profusely. The two gushed about each other, throwing out compliments like they were going out of style and chatting excitedly about their life plans. Pastor Cal did give them the opportunity to bring up any grievances (almost like Festivus) which gave Vincent the opportunity to mention that he’s big on “respect” and wanted Briana to be careful of HOW she said things, as it could come off as condescending  Of course this was news to her, but she seemed committed to being more mindful of how she comes across. He visited her place, whihc was spic and span, except for her t.v., which was a bit “Virginia” (leaning over, or drunk- as Vinny called it). After watching Briana pack up her closet and listening to her babytalk the entire time, they packed up and head to the new place. Champagne Vinny lived up his name, popping a bottle of to celebrate, but spilling it all over the floor and his shirt. Though they seemed to laugh about it, Briana made a sarcastic

Erik & Virginia:

Erik and Virginia checked out their new kitchen (mostly looking for booze in the cabinets), and had a pow wow about cohabitation.Virginia and Erik started off at V’s apartment and had their dogs meet for the first tiem, which seemed to go well. Erik is allergic to cats, so he took some medication before. Erik felt the apartment was very “her” (sooo sideways and full of barf??)

Erik’s condo looked exactly how I imagined; Like a nicer modern bachelor pad littered with airplane chotchkies. 

Back at Erginia’s place, Pastor Cal was excited to see the two looking happy with their champagne, and seeming to get along. Erik does mention that he is over the party phase of his life, and ready to be in a mature relationship. Pastor Cal sided with Erik in his concerns for Virginia checking in when she’s going out and sleeping at her random guy friends’ houseswhen shes’ too drunk to get home. Tough Break, V.

Paige & Maybe Chris:

Paige moved into the couples’ “neutral” space alone. Apparently on the plane ride home, Chris decided to book a flight to Chicago, claiming to need time alone to “process”. With her eyes cast downward, Paige explains that she’s giving Chris time to think (while viewers everywhere are throwing things at the t.v.)

Paige is meeting up at the new pad with Chris, who refused to let production in the room to film and had Paige take off her microphone and turned on the water. Paige called production to let them know that Chris is trying to get back together with his allegedly pregnant ex fiance.Vinny visited Briana’s house, which he liked except for her “drunk” tv.

Pastor Cal came to visit Paige, discussing the situation with Chris, acting like this is all news to him. In his goofy socks and loafers, Pastor Cal questioned if Paige and Chris had been intimiage. She tells him the horror story that has been her marriage thus far, and why they were intimate ,with Paige claiming she thought it was her wifely duty to consummate the marriage, while Chris was taking her for a test ride. 

Paige told him about the ex pregnancy stuff, and then admitted to sleeping with him every single day,. Chris all of the sudden shows up with a smirk on his face and some little girl jeggings. He admits that he may still be in love with his ex fiance and doesnt want someone else raising his child. Pastor Cal tried to point out the obvious that this story is full of holes, and that Paige is ride or die and willing to stick it out through all of this. Chris feels separating and divorcing is the right decision for himself and Paige, as he smirked. He was not tough enough on Chris, didn’t hold him accountable. 

Chris and Paige were alone after their lackluster therapy session. He told Paige that he can’t apologize enough, then whispered in her ear that his “spirit” was falling in love with her spirit. I dont know about Paige but if I were her, I wouldn’t want his spirit, his spirit airlines, his wrigley’s spir-a-mint gum…. Nothing. But of course Paige smiled, and claimed to be “confused” apparently unable to see through the parade of red flags in front of her face.

Ryan & Clara:

Ryan and Clara are relaxing on their new couch, discussing the compromise of their new bedtime routines- fascinating stuff there. 

Next Clara took a trip over to Ryan’s place, which was everything I imagined it would be. It was neat, clean, and plain, and modern. Behind his kitchen cabinet doors, Ryan’s shelves have fallen over, which has been the most wild thing about him yet. 

They went back to Clara’s house to check things out and meet her dog, Miska. Ryan was impressed with Clara’s closet drawers and organization skills, excited to put them to use in his every day life.

Pastor Cal made more rounds with Clara and Ryan.  They admitted that they’re doing much better than they imagined, and seem to be into each other, though they seem rathe “meh”. Of course pastor Cal had to dig around about their intimacy, and they admitted that they have not yet consummated their marriage. Ryan neatly said that he’s waiting to sleep together until more intimacy grows, while Clara is not used to holding out and is raring to go. Pastor Cal tried to talk Ryan through his “LOVE’ word phobia, so he hopefully can utter the phrase at least once in his life.