Love After Lockup; S3, EP 7

John & Kristiana:

John retrieved his new bride from the halfway house so she could begin her job search and sneak in a little visit in with her mother. Being the romantic gentleman that he is, John brought Kristiana a bouquet of pink roses,though unfortunately she wasn’t able to keep them in the facility. He did however give her permission to regift the flowers to her mom, as he drove to their destination, vaping all the while. Kristiana and her mother had a very touching reunion in the yarn store, as they hadn’t seen each other in 4 years. Mama Kristiana seemed supportive of her daughter and John’s new marriage, hoping that this will be the change she needs to stay out of prison for good. Kristiana noted her mother’s health decline which made her emotional thinking about all of the time she had missed since being locked up. Her large top-knot wobbled and blue-lined eyes welled up with emotion, as she proclaimed this time would be different. Someone quick-knit me a tissue!

Scott & Lindsey:

The scene opens with a topless furry Scott in the kitchen ironing his pink shirt and discussing his stress of trying to figure out what happened with Lindsey’s failed release. He finally speaks to his felonious girlfriend who is still in prison, after losing her spot in the halfway house due to “sassing” authorities. She didn’t elaborate on when she would be able to leave, but did make sure to have Scott send her money asap….(those hot cheetos aren’t going to buy themselves). Lindsey revealed to the cameras how she stays so easy breezy and beautiful in the clink, aka her prison makeup routine. She uses deoderant to rub off colors from the print in magazines, which creates a paste that can be used as eyeshadow (as well as keeping your eyelids from perspiring). For tips and tricks, make sure to like and subscribe to her YouTube channel “Locked up Looks by Lindz”. 

Heather & Dylan:

I’ve been waiting for this couple since the initial previews aired, and they did not disappoint.

Heather is a hopeless romantic who enjoys adult pleasure stimulators (so much so that she keeps them on her person at all times) and longs walks on the beach. (For those OG Love After Lockup Fans, she’s kind of like Cheryl and Anya had a baby). We meet Heather at an Adult store while she’s stocking up on supplies for the release of her boyfriend, Dylan. She had met Dylan 5 years prior in a unique way… she wandered into the bathroom at a house party and he happened to be in the shower. (I guess he doesn’t believe in locks and she doesn’t believe in knocks; With the way she knocks and the way he locks, it’s a perfect match!!)

Three weeks after the restroom encounter, Dylan was arrested and sentenced to 5 years for possession of Ecstasy, leaving the couple unable to consummate their relationship. Heather claims to be looking forward to cooking for him, cuddling with him, and performing various sex acts, possibly all at the same time. I am definitely looking forward to seeing more of thee two.

Shawn & Destinie:

The couple awakens their first morning together in their new house, though Destinie is still hungover from her first wild night in Las Vegas. Shawn is leaving her to her own devices while he goes to work and she requested a little shopping money… like only $5-$10,000.

Shawn pleads down to $1,500 for a day’s allowance, and hands over his credit card. Destinie explains that part of her parole is that she’s not allowed to have a card with a checking or savings account attached. Once alone, Shawn calls Kelly (his baby mama x’s 6), to check in, as he explains that they have been together on and off for 20 years, and had recently talked about trying to work things out, before he fell in love during lockup. Kelly is in the know about Destinie, and is upset that Shawn seems to be choosing her over rekindling their flame and family life. 

Meanwhile, Destinie’s shopping day is off to a great start, as she wanders into a random furniture/decor store (with some of the ugliest and most random inventory ever). There she met a salesgirl who was willing to go the extra mile for her commission. Destinie told her that she was coming in to look for furniture to decorate her prison penpal with the creepy mustache’s new house, and she’s not sure what’s trending in the world of interior decorating since she’s been in prison for 3 years. Seems like a reasonable opening statement….

As luck would have it, the sales girl had also been incarcerated before (unless that was just a clever sales technique to relate to your customer), and she seemed unphased by Destinie’s advances. Destinie admitted that she likes women and men, and would like to bring another person into their relationship, implying that she would like to take the sales girl out for “sushi food”. She also explained that she was a bit of a self proclaimed nymphomaniac, which is just building on last week’s claim that she is “try-sexual”.The sales associate agreed to go out with her, and seemed completely blase as she totalled up Destinie’s purchase for her invisible items. When it came time to pay, however, the card Shawn had given her was declined. Horribly embarrassed by her lack of fundage, Destinie called Shawn to question him, though he just played dumb. Luckily the sales girl was able to put the imaginary goods on hold so Destinie can review her finances and pick them up at a later date. If this girl doesn’t get employee of the month, I’m writing a strongly worded letter. 

Quaylon & Shavel:

The happy couple is excited to be playing house in their home together. Quaylon is looking forward to spending the day with his namesake (Mama Quaylandria), and sister- whose name they unfortunately did not announce, so i will call her MaryQuay. Quaylon heads out with his mom and sister to some kind of thrift or consignment store (guess they didn’t have a Ross nearby..), to do a little “back to civilian life” shopping and catching up. MaryQuay feels that her brother’s prison boo relationship is a little rushed, and he may only be committed for financial support. She and Mama Quaylandria are on the same page when it comes to moving Quaylon to Houston to have a fresh start and be away from his former street life. He assured his sister that he’s now a grown man with obligations, and he’s staying put. This shopping excursion was a great distraction so Shovel could have enough time to set up for QuayQuay’s surprise welcome home party.

Her mother and her gold metallic lipstick were there in full effect, helping to make everything look just right. She left the decorating to mom, while she took her cousin D-Mark on a special errand to pick up a truck she had purchased for her man as a surprise. D-Mark could not believe Shovel had done so much to set Quaylon up, spending a lot of time, money and effort that he hasn’t yet proven he deserved. He was very upset about this, in fear that she was being used yet again, and was even unsure if he wanted to attend the Welcome Home party. 

Jessica & Maurice:

Maurice made sure to hydrate on his scandalous road trip to Nevada so he would be ready to cross the state line and take a leak on California. Of course he is violating his parole by leaving the state, but he feels the risk is worth it to be able to sleep in his house with his wife, and meet her parents. He was very impressed with the house that Jessica had ready for them to share, and it was so considerate for her to paint all of the walls a dark drab color to make him feel more like he was in a dungeon (I guess Benjamin Moore was all out of “Compton Crip Blue”). He was thrilled with the house and all of her efforts, though it did look like Jessica may need to get a longer bed, as Maurice seemed way too tall to fit. 

The following day they set out to meet the parents, with Maurice wearing his durag to make sure his hair was looking it’s best to make a good first impression. Jessica made sure to brief Maurice that he should refrain from mentioning the whole parole violation thing, as it may not get them off on the right foot. The episode leaves us with a cliffhanger of Jessica’s mother opening the door, and we will just have to wait another week to see how well the meeting goes. He’s so tall, what’s not to like?!

Noticeably missing were Tyrice and Chanda, who were hopefully out shopping for new outfits.