Actual Reality
The First Wedding I Ever Did
The first time that I ever styled hair for a wedding was for a girl named Anna. She was Greek, and had this gorgeous thick hair with just the right amount of curl to it that every hairstylist can appreciate. The kind of hair that makes the stylist look good. She came to my place for a hair trial for her upcoming wedding and was super sweet, easygoing and absolutely loved the long flowing waves we created. What a dreamboat client!
On the day of the wedding, as per my protocol, I drove out to her location, which I believe was in New Jersey. I walked down the hotel hallway with the patterned carpeting, found the correct door number, and began knocking… no answer. I waited a minute or two and knocked again, but nothing. I tried once more, waiting the appropriate amount of time as not to seem incredibly obnoxious, but no luck. I was debating going back to the front desk to have them call the room, which I reeeally didn’t want to do since I had a huge bag of gear with me, when the door magically opened like in a haunted house; Slowly with no one on the other side. I poked my head in and said “Hello???”
There was Anna, sitting on the couch in the fetal position. I cautiously walked in and said “Hey Anna… Happy Wedding Day… How ya doin’?? You okay?”… oh boy.
Though excited to marry her fiancé, Anna had fainted at the wedding rehearsal the night before. She said she had gotten warm, felt nervous and dizzy, and just from the anxiety of having everyone looking at her, she went down like the Titanic. So here I am having a therapy session on the dingy couch in a Hilton suite with a clammy nervous bride- first time on the job.
She asked if we could change from the flowing waves she had been fawning over at our practice run to an updo so she wouldn’t feel as hot and hopefully avoid another collapse. Of course I obliged, and we figured out a style that worked for her on the fly. I liked it, she loved it, but guess who wasn’t a fan… None other than her hardcore Greek mother, who almost choked on her feta. Anna tried to reassure her mother that she loved her hair (which really did look nice) and that she was happy, but there was a lot of eye rolling and hand gesturing from what I could see.
Of course it was time to style dear old Mom’s hair. She had a short Brillo pad of a coiffeur, with super tight curls. When I tried to ask her what she would like, she had her sister come in to translate (she did speak English, though, so I think it was more to get a second opinion). That should have been the exact moment I should have known this wasn’t going to be easy, but nevertheless I attempted to appease her.
“Make it like the girl does it” she directed me.
Now, “the girl” is obviously someone in a dimly lit salon in Queens somewhere who also speaks her language who has been fluffing her bubble helmet for the last 20 years. But she was not present, I was not she, and of course, there was no pictorial reference.
“Do you like to have pieces in the front on your forehead? Do you like volume? Do you want to keep the curls or have me smooth it out?” I grasped desperately at any descriptors I could think of. Feta-mom was not having it. She rolled her eyes, puffed, talked about me incessantly to her sister in their native Greek (always lovely to have people talking smack about you in another language in front of your face… ). I knew there was no way I was going to do it like “the girl” that I had never met or make it “look like the picture” she didn’t bother to bring. She watched me toiling away desperately with my curling iron, judging all the while, and periodically asking if I was going to use spray. But not too much spray. Not stiff, just spray. Not that spray! Just spray the front, but not like that!
The other problem when i am forced to style a bubble helmet is that it is 100% subjective, and their completion depends on preference. I never know when to stop! I just keep fluffing and teasing and spraying and praying, and showing the results in the mirror, looking for any sign of positive reinforcement, ANY sign of stopping. This being my first day doing an actual wedding and all, I was really working overtime to try and “make fetch happen”, until eventually we ran out of time and she announced “It is fine! Very good! Just leave it!” in her thick accent. She and the sister scoffed one more time in Greek, while they all scurried to leave.
I stood there, alone in the hotel room, cleaning up my kit and washing off the 20 pounds of hairspray from my hands. I sat again on the dingy loveseat and finished off the last piece of baklava they had left behind on a lonely tray, popped an Advil, and got ready for my long drive home. Once home, I climbed into bed, turned on the t.v. and what should be on?? “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. Been there, done that.
I love reading your stories! They all are spectacular and you are very talented!
Quite the initiation into your new career. I love what was waiting for you on tv. The world works in mysterious ways.
I sure hope you got paid well for that! sounds like the bride was a dream, but brillo head Mom a nightmare. hope the next weddings made up for Mommy Dearest . I could feel your pain!
As the manager of a large, upscale salon, I can certainly appreciate that story, as the roll, set and cook under the dryer crowd while reading “reader’s digest” (how they even get that magazine in 2020 is beyond my comprehension) are VERY particular about their bubble heads, which as far as I can tell, has looked EXACTLY the same since 1940. 😆 NOT a good way to start your ” to go ” service!! And no picture for reference is the worst!!! LOL looking forward to reading more of your reality 💓
My G-d, you are amazing! I love your hair-do story! I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories!
You sure have a great way of writing…. I enjoyed the wedding hair story as much as I enjoy your recaps.
Keep um coming
Sounds like a fun day. 😉 As for the talking smack about you in another language right in front of your face bit, that’s exactly how I feel every time I go have my nails filled, lol!
😂😂😂😂
That’s fricken crazy!! Waaayyy to funny!
Having know hardcore Greek families, I so feel your pain! Funny stuff😆
Oh you are brilliant!!! What a way with words you have! I was just living for your 90 Day recaps….now I have this extra pile of gold nuggets to cackle (my husband’s observation) through!!!
I would Love to listen to your stories All day while you did my hair! And i would be Happy with whatever you wanted to do!!