Before the 90 Days of Our Lives: Finale

Rebecca & Zied:
Well, it’s time for Rebecca to return her rental car. Zied is going to miss so so much. But he tells Rebecca it’s ok because she will see his face in her car, in her home, in her bed….and then she remembered her interior decorating theme for her house is “Zied-chic”.
But before she left to go home, Zied proposed with so much chocolate. Since his sister purchased the engagement ring, one might infer that Rebecca is actually engaged to Sister Zied. So much romaticses.

Darcy & Tom:
Darcy descended upon the U.S. and met up with Stacy for their journey back to Connecticut. They picked right up where they left off, taking jobs at each other over men and their abilities to convince them to get married.
During the follow up, Darcy put on silk lounge wear (with a massive wedgie-thanks tlc for that close up), to have a Skype date with Tom. Tom felt like Darcy was becoming a stage 5 clinger, and told her they needed to just be friends for awhile, which caused her to just blink a lot. It’s all very confusing.

Avery & Omar:
Avery was rolling around on her bed, facetiming Omar to discuss the disheartening news from the immigration lawyer. She asks Omar if he thinks he can wait years to see her, and he says hes not sure, and then promptly logs into Syrian Tinder.
Her poor mother…

Angela & Michael:
Angela bid a fond farewell to her African love-nest hotel room. Michael was seeing her off to the airport, wearing his American flag button down shirt (eyes on the prize, Michael. We appreciate your loyalty and dedication).

Ben & Quinoa:
Quinoa was bothered by the fact that Ben hadn’t told his family about his new bride, so he made the call home. “Um. Hi mom. I went to Quinoa’s parents house the other day, we shared some Sunny D and now I think I’m married”. No big deal. Quinoa was super weird at the airport saying goodbye. Or as Ben would say….until we meet again.

Caesar:
If you’ve been reading my recaps for a while you know how much I hate talking about Caesar. Buuuut…..
OH EM GEE- The magical unicorn Maria has emerged!!! Now, I know I’m an ignorant American that pictures both Russia and the Ukraine to basically have the climate of Siberia at all times. Though in Maria’s segment, it was super tropical with delicious looking mojitos. See? The show is fun AND educational. ANYWAY, I cant even believe Maria exists and wears a Pretty Woman outfit while shopping with her friends who also channel 90’s celebrities. She seemed pretty snarky and pretty open about the fact that shes conning lots of men on the internet. Who cares, really..her hair is so pretty! I found myself almost sending her $5 involuntarily because of her pretty hair… I digress. She was everything Anfisa dreamed to be and more, and I still can’t believe shes real. In the event that shes not real, and TLC hired a Maria character, good for them. It finally made this whole waste of a segment worth it.