Before the 90 Days; Season 8 Episode 14

Elise & Joshua:
Josh was tending to a needy Elise, who coughed and hacked all the way through her first night in Australia. After demanding a myriad of congestion relief products, Elise decided Josh was a “nurturer”, which earned him a one way ticket into her bikini bottoms. She seemed to rally from her nasal issues in time to hit the beach with Joshua, chit chatting with him about his Aussie upbringing. Josh told her that she made him feel “safe”, which surprised Elise, since she generally has a lot of mood swings and tends to fly off the handle. (Then again, he surfs at Bondi Beach despite the whole “lots of great white sharks” thing… not an expert in the “safety” department in my book).
Back at the condo, Elise and Josh decided to conserve water by showering together, breaking her selfmade promise not to lead with sex. After their dirty shower, Josh plied her with a glass of wine and a rub down with massage oil. Just when things were about to heat up, their temporary roommate, Chris, appeared, killing the mood. This whole thing is giving “Three’s Company”.
Later that night, they went to meet up with Chris’s friends at a local shark-free watering hole. Elise decided to wear her doll’s clothes, which she seemed to have outgrown 10 years ago, as she strutted up to the friend group. Josh’s two female friends seemed nice enough, but Elise was uncomfortable with the fact that they lived with her boyfriend (Even more uncomfortable than wearing a blue spandex bandaid as a top out in public). She realized that “my boyfriend Joshua” (as she likes to state every 5 minutes as if she were in a proud, middle school relationship), was mooching off of his friends due to his rough financial situation. The red flags with “Joshua” are flying higher than the red flags at the beach, which let you know that there are sharks in Australia. Because there are. Stop surfing, people.

Daniel & Baby Girl Lisa #2:
Daniel was still reeling after BabyGirl Lisa revealed her past life as a married lesbian. He declared her as “evil”, and refused to go near her, clearly thinking she had a severe case of the cooties. Lisa groveled, begging for his forgiveness, but Daniel stared at her as if she were a demon in a wig…….. Oh wait…
He wasn’t sure if he could trust her ever again, as the two headed back to their homebase hotel in silence. Daniel was very upset that Lisa hadn’t at least come clean to his uncle, who had specifically asked her if she ever partook in lesbianism. He refused to even consider working things out with Lisa until they had a meeting with the all-knowing uncle, who I’m guessing might forgive her for the right price. For only 3 pairs of Crocs, Daniel may forget all about Lisa’s time at the Lilith Fair, swimming around the lady pond.

Rick & Trisha:
After all of the turmoil, the two decided to stick to the plan and head to Trisha’s family village so Ricky can meet Trisha’s clan. Trish worried about Rick’s ability to fit in with the men in her family, since they tend to be on the aggressive side (I guess they’re not part time professional tap dancers/weave salesmen). They arrived at Trisha’s remote family compound where they were greeted by the entire extended family. Father Trish gave Rick the grand tour, which included the bunk beds he’d be sleeping in, the cold bucket shower, and the floor-hole he’d be relieving himself on. Trisha was embarrassed by Rick’s constant complaining, branding his fear of the potty-hole as “bougie”.
Although her father initially gave the two his “blessing” to hang out in the village together, Trisha worried about their dinner conversation, where her family would learn more about Rick. Later that night, the entire Family Trish gathered around the dinner floor to grill Rick….. And some goats and fish and stuff. Father Trish was noticeably concerned to hear that he and his potential son in law were the same age, and even more worried hearing he’d been married twice and had 5 children. Though Rick seemed to have intentions of making an honest woman of Trish, her father worried that he was too old to have more children….especially because he had trouble sitting “criss-cross applesauce” at the dinner-floor, and wound up sitting upright like the ladies. Maybe Rick should spend more time in the potty-floor room.

Forrest & CharlieSHEEN:
The newly engaged couple headed in the tiny cartoonish jippney over to an immigration lawyer’s office to explore their options. The lawyer basically informed them that Forrest would not be able to import Sheen to be his US Queen, since his only income consisted of disability checks (And surprisingly the lawyer revealed that one would only need to make $26,000/year to sponsor someone on a K1 Visa, which really puts all 400 seasons of this show into perspective). The lawyer did, however, suggest that the two get married in the ‘Peens, as Forrest would be allowed to stay, making money in the sideshow as the “World’s Largest Man” attraction.
After the lawyer appointment, Sheen and Forrest took a stroll, discussing their next move. Sheena suggested they stay in the Peens, assuring Forrest that she’d be able to support him. Even though Forrest was sure about marrying Sheenderella, he wasn’t sure about leaving his mother Molly back at home. He felt like it might be overwhelming being away, especially due to his Autism (But let’s be honest…he doesn’t want to leave Dev). Sheen cried her potatohead tears, worrying that she’d be wasting more years waiting for Forrest if he were to go home without a gameplan. It’s times like this I ask: WWDD? (What Would Dev Do??)

Jovon & Annalynn:
After their problematic pedicure last week, Annalynn stormed out of the nail salon, throwing a tantrum in the street. She hailed a jippney to take her home, but pitied Jovon enough to pick him up off the side of the road (Or maybe she needed him to pay for the cab). Once back at the house, Annalynn pouted her way into the bedroom, where she was consoled by her tiny mom. She complained that Jovon and his “man podcasts” were oppressing her as a woman (or something), and whined that he didn’t respect her independence. Her mother awkwardly tried to comfort her by rubbing her inner thigh, and reminding her not to mess things up with the guy who pays her rent.
The following morning Jovon and Annalynn had one of their famous “post-fight talks”, where they ultimately made up and seemed to get along for 3 minutes straight. Annalynn blamed her quick temper and refusal to accept the patriarchy on her abusive dad, who most likely did not listen to any man podcasts. I’m beginning to think Annalynn is one of those girls who loves to pick fights because she likes to make-up. WWDD?