Before the 90 Day; Season 8 Episode 11

Lisa & Daniel:

After last week’s big “heart to heart” with Daniel’s other American option, the mystery woman decided to block Lisa and her nonsense on “shoshul media”. She decided this cleared Daniel of any “Yahoo Boy” suspicions, as clearly the other woman was just jealous of their relationship and was simply spreading rumors to ruin their one true love. Daniel decided to sport his best “Where’s Waldo” hat as he was taking Lisa to meet the King of his tribe in Lagos (The romance capital of Nigeria). He encouraged her to wrap her head in his native wallpaper sample for the occasion, as she nervously entered the cab headed towards his majesty’s kingdom.

The two finally pulled up to a run down building where the “King” was seated on his throne, fully draped in his finest “Coming to America” garb (I think this King once emailed me about my royal inheritance…I can’t believe it went into the spam folder!). As he sat upon his throne (Provided by “Rooms 2 Go”), he reached into his bag of tricks to try and contact the “ancient ancestors” for the couples’ blessing. Luckily the Ancient ancestors not only blessed the union, but also complemented his majesty’s outfit (An adorable stuffed animal lion pelt provided by Temu). Lisa and the King danced to celebrate, though she couldn’t help but wonder how she was going to tell Daniel the truth about her current marital status. Maybe the King will lock her in the dungeon…..which kind of looks like his palace.

Laura & Beercan:

After finding out all of B.C.’s baggage last week, Laura decided to step away and make a call to her buddy Michael back home. Laura had been texting Michael here and there while on her trip, but had yet to fill him in about her in depth Beercan experience. After hearing about the gambling addiction and debt problems, Michael reminded Laura that she’s involved in a romance scam, and advised her to come home. He also alluded to the fact that she had other options, of course meaning himself, and we are all ready for him to swoop in to Turkey, part the cloud of Shisha smoke, throw a pair of dice at Beercan, knocking him unconscious since he has twigs for arms, and pull her in real close for true love’s first kiss (See, Laura? I can write romance novels too…)

Emma & Zied #2:

Back in the desert… Zied was just now learning of Emma’s previous engagement to another Moroccan man (Moohamit #5), who she was still with when the two had met online. This newsflash made him realize she wasn’t wifey material (Well, that and every other detail, most likely), as he felt he couldn’t trust her. Emma tried to argue away the breakup, claiming that the two were “even”, since Zied had been ogling girls on the internet while they were online-dating. Eventually Zied left her alone in the desert, until the camels eventually got annoyed with her and returned her to civilization.

Stig the Kid & Aviva the quasi-adult:

The tension was high, as Aunt Spring had pulled Stig aside to confront him about being seen with another woman looking a little too chummy. Aviva looked on in the distance, making duck lips into her phone, as Aunt Spring, Stig, and the other niece “Corinth” disputed the photo. Corinth knew that Stig had in fact been physically with the girl in the photo, as it was one of her friends. (Who knew Belize had such a small town feel?!)
Back at the hotel, Aviva was a bit confused, asking “Da Kid” to clarify her Aunt’s deceptive findings. Stig tried to worm his way out of the dog house, but managed to ruin the mood for the night. I don’t know…. In her “Interview” scenes she looks like they already “bred”, so I’m assuming she got over it.

Forrest & Charlie SHEEN:

Back in the crowded family Manila apartment, The Parents Forrest were sampling some local complicated fruit, native to the ‘Peens. Forest and Sheen left them in all of their fruity glory to tour a Venetian-themed mall. The two goofballs wandered around, dancing and laughing amongst the many attractions, eventually coming upon a costumed selfie station. They jumped into king and queen outfits and promptly discussed Sheena’s penchant for lying. She tried to blame her lack of truth on her previous failed relationships, which somehow made sense to Forest, and nobody else. It seemed that all was forgiven, as the two skipped stupidly around the PhililpinItalian mall. Once they came to a particularly picturesque spot with a view of the gondolas, Forest decided to take the opportunity to propose, which Sheen happily accepted. Mazel Tov to the happy couple! That is…. Until they have to tell Mother Forest the news.
Back at the hotel, Mom and Dev were sitting by the pool when they heard about the big engagement. Mother Molly wasted no time yelling at her son about jumping into a proposal after not taking her advice and waiting to figure out why Sheen is such a liar liar awkwardly-shaped pants on fire. Sheena made some kind of incoherent retorts, claiming that they were big kids and didn’t have to listen to parents anymore. I feel like the whole family needs to be grounded. Maybe with the exception of Dev….. who’s already mentally in a better place.

Elise:

Down in Miami we caught up with Elise, who was one of the civilian contenders turned villians on “The Single Life” last season (She may or may not have slept with Rob the Knob but definitely started a lot of drama). She made a pit stop to her parents’ home to let them know of her next adventure; Heading off to Australia to meet her new boyfriend, Joshua. Of course Elise’s parents tried to bring her back down to Earth, as her previous relationships have all crashed and burned, especially the last ex who stole her identity (He must’ve looked awful wearing her half naked boob dresses…).
She then went for a quick pit stop at her apartment to hang out with her transgender cat, Stella, before meeting up with her hungry model-esque friends at a Miami hot spot to discuss her trip. Elise tried to defend her love for 39 year old Joshua, even though he was broke and lived with his parents. Her ladyfriends went wild, reminding Elise of all of the past disaster relationships she had been through, urging her to proceed with caution. Next week, however, she adds a few more juicy tidbits that she held back from her she-wolf pack, that I’m sure will be a red flag to remember.