90 Day Fiance; The OTHER Way, Season 7 Episode 13

After hearing that Johnny had cheated on her daughter, Mother Chloe decided to take her future pirate-in-law on a one on one hike. They went to a beachscape venue to discuss the infidelity, which Johnny claimed happened before their “exclusive” title. Mother Chloe tried to move past the mistrust, though she was wicked skeptical if he might try and “pahk” his “cah” in some other tourist’s “garahg” again. Johnny tried to reassure her he was dedicated to only one platinum blonde fangirl, and not to worry. It was finally time for Mommy Warbucks to get voted off the island, as she had a tearful goodbye at the airport. She tried one last time to entice Chloe to come home and be a spoiled child forever, but no such luck. Looks like next week’s trip to the immigration lawyer may send Chloe packing anyway…. Don’t worry, Mother Chloe, your daughter will be a Masshole yet again very soon!

Gretta’s back this week to bore everyone to tears, discussing her hesitancy about procreating, and producing mini boring clones. She called her friend on video chat to go over the situation, revealing that Matthew would rather be with her than have children, which was always very important to him. Even though he was willing to bend to her wishes, Gretta felt she and Matthew were growing apart, and she wasn’t sure what they should do. As it turns out, it was much more fun to watch boring English shows set in the countryside with flat monotone male characters than living it. Looks like these two are heading for splitsville (or as they say in England… “Splits-shire”. Sound fancier).

After the goat farm date took a turn for the worse, Anthony decided to take another crack at taming his shrew by dressing up like a mime. Because nothing is sexier than a mime… He learned the craft from a creepy female mime on the street, who not only gave him lessons in mimery, but also painted his face and hid his awful shaggy hair under a straw hat (Even mimes don’t like his hair). Of course Manon hated his latest attempt at romance, and berated him on the street with her greasy hair clinging tightly to her icky forehead. Looks like next week he will make one final attempt to woo her that doesn’t involve face paint or goat dung. Here’s to hoping!

Back in the outback, Dylan and Pittiya headed out for a little nature time, camping in the bush. Pittiya was having a great time pretending to enjoy the wild marsupials, until Mother Dylan called to cockaroo-blockeroo (That’s c*ck block in Australian). She felt that Mother Dylan wanted to put her son back in her pouch, and it was time he grew up and hopped into adulthood. (I just wonder if she comes to see him perform….)

Back in Colombia….Madeleine arrived at the wedding location wearing a fur coat and carrying 2 puppies, like the Colombian Cruella DeVille. Luke brought up the fact that the two seemed to be fighting constantly, and may not be each other’s “person” after all. She explained all of her daddy issues and the ways that Louk had disappointed her, giving more insight as to why she acts like a rabid chihuahua 5 times a day. Ultimately he appreciated their little therapy session, and decided to move forward with the wedding weekend, which is great. Because I can’t wait to see if the wedding is like an episode of “My Super Sweet 16”.