Happily Ever After? Season 9 Episode 17:

Jasmine and Matt?:

With the baby’s due date nearing, Jasmine and Matt decided to hit up a birthing class. Jasmine bounced around on a yoga ball like an old pro, while Matt fought through his giggle from the teacher saying the word “vagina”. He seemed nervous about the impending birth process, but promised to do his part by helping Jasmine pre-game and stretch out her nether regions. Talk about a team player!
After class, Jasmine gave Matt a pop quiz, hoping he had retained everything learned in birthing class. She encouraged Matt to be supportive and serious for the delivery, instead of falling back on his usual sarcastic coping humor. (The man had made it to 7 months with pregnant Jasmine… I saw whatever system he’s using is fine)
Next thing ya know…Jasmine’s water broke, and it was off to the birthing center they went! Jasmine decided to go the natural approach, and submerged herself in a bath tub,  screeching and screaming worse than the average fight with Gino in Panama. After hours of unmedicated labor, Jasmine and Matt finally became parents to their baby girl whom they named Matilda. They seemed immediately smitten, gushing over how perfect the little light haired blue eyed baby was, forgetting all of the current drama if for even a moment. Welcome to the shit show, baby Matilda (Who was named after her biological father, instead of “Gina”, after her legal father).

Meanwhile back in Michigan … .Gino paid a visit to his old divorce attorney from his first marriage, who was running a special; Buy one get one free! He informed his lawyer of Jasmine’s scheduled infidelity, and how he believed their marriage was merely a sham to come to the U.S. Gino’s  lawyer informed him that he was technically considered to be the father of Jasmine’s upcoming baby, since it was conceived during their marriage (Because I don’t think “conceived during ‘open marriage’” is part of the law).

Brandon & Julia:

Through the magic of television, Brandon and Julia had just gotten back from their 5 month trip to Europe. They did agree that the vacation was a much needed reset. It must’ve helped them connect biblically, since upon their return, Julia found out she was pregnant. Brandon was over the moon, preparing his future dad jokes. Julia seemed neurotic as usual, preparing for 9 months of overreacting.

Later on they went to Julia’s first OB visit, where she panicked until seeing the baby’s heartbeat on the big screen. After that, it seemed Julia’s pregnancy symptoms went from 0 to 100, as she was demanding French fries and various dipping sauces, burgers, and steak. Now that she’s checked off “OB appointment” and “ridiculous cravings” from her list, the only thing left to do was tell Betty she was going to be a Grandmullet. Julia wanted to wait until the 2nd (or third) trimester to drop the news, afraid that Betty would overstep her boundaries. Brandon once again felt stuck in between his parents with whom he shares a head with, and his Baby Mama, with whom he was about to make an additional Betty head with.
Chances are, Julia will do something obnoxious and Betty will yell at her, while wearing a headband over her mullet.

Yarvi/Alexen/Undrrrrizabeth:

The never ending ski trip was finally winding down, with all of the couples at odds. Loren felt the need to apologize to Yara again for talking about her outfits behind her back, which she really blamed on Elizabeth stirring up drama. Loren and Alex decided to leave the resort without saying goodbye to Elizabeth and Undrrrrei as a power move, leaving Libdrrrrei and Yarvi to do a “Sasquatch Hunting” tour, for lack of better ideas. They goofed around, looking for Undrrrrei’s long lost relative, who the tour guide insisted was originally from Moldova. After making silly jokes and trudging around the “voods”, they returned to the resort, to talk about something I fast-forwarded through. That is all I have to report.

Darcey & Georgi:

Back at the HouseofEleven….

Stacey went to spend time with Darcey in her hotel room, for one. Apparently she and Georgi had had yet another fight, and he decided not to stay the night after the big twin talent show…aka, the House of Eleven Fashion Week debut. The twins hugged as Darcey cried tearless cries of disappointment, feeling like there was no hope for her marriage. 

Later on, Georgi asked Darcey to meet with him at a restaurant to discuss their future plans. Darcey arrived in one of her ridiculous outfits with a beyond plunging neckline, attempting to wield her powers of seduction. Georgi admitted that he had been unhappy with their relationship recently, but also started thinking he might want to have kids one day. Cue the non-waterworks…to be continued.