Hunt For Love; Season 9 Episode 11

This week Tiffany was on a date with Jay (the guy who asked her out to get more screen time). The date seemed like more of an interview than a naturally flowing conversation, with Jay immediately moving in for an unprevoked makeout session so he can win first place male suitor. Tiffany resisted his advances, claiming to be “shy”, when she really found herself hung up thinking about Carlo.

Courtni and Coltee were having a video chat from the hospital room. He was happy to announce his recovery from surgery, and that he’d soon be racing around on crutches, ready to revisit his horrible dance moves. Courtney claimed she was having more fun at Coltee’s bedside than with the able bodied weirdos at the resort (which is hard to believe…I’d at lesat assume the resort has better breakfast).

Later on the singles showed up to another contrived gathering, which included a “truth or dare” bingo activity. Each person had to pull out a “dare” from the singles director’s bucket, which of course included some sort of seductive public act. Jennifer wound up licking some girl’s earlobes, Joe the “cougar cub” did a body shot, Carlo took his shirt off, and Rocky (porn-stach) twerked to the musical stylings of none other than international superstar Sojaboy, freestyling. Feeling like Tiffany had been busy exploring her other options, Carlo decided to ask Elise out on a “friend” date, as the two had been rather chummy in Tiffany’s absence. She agreed, as long as it was a regular date, presumably sick of being friend-zoned by almost everyone. Carlo reluctantly agreed, but seemed to feel like he was being unfair to Tiffany.

The next day Rob and Jen and Chantal and Rocky had their own one on one dates out on jetskies. Jen did her signature seductive wiggle on the back as Rob tried to impress her by going fast and living dangerously. Chantal was the couple’s own personal flotation device, as she acted as a cushiony pillow for Rocky while he steered. After the jetskiing commenced, each pairing had some alone time. Rob put on this sultry voice to try and convey his feelings about Jen, claiming he wanted them to be together more seriously. He did seem to recognize that she was a bit of a ruthless succubus, but he felt she was worth the risk. Chantal and Rocky headed to a small bar, where she immediately clammed up and became the most awkward version of herself. Instead of just talking to him, she proceeded to pull out a list of questions on her phone to offset the fact that she can’t have a real conversation. Rocky was put off by the awkwardness, as she quickly admitted she was nervous. All of her cringy moments made her question if she was better off dating her friend Ashley, which made her even more confused.

Tim decided to finally make a move for the first time on the retreat and ask Mei out on a date. He schlumped over to her villa that night, knocking on the door and striking up a conversation (Which was actually pretty smooth, especially when positioned right after Chantal’s failed attempt). Mei willingly agreed to go on a date with Timmony Cricket, feeling like he was “quirky”, which she secretly liked (“Quirky”, being synonymous for “Scrawny with a bucket hat in every color and thigh high boots”).

In other news… Carlo and Elise’s date apparently went really well, as the two admitted they wound up sleeping together. Carlo decided to change directions completely and wanted to spend the rest of the retreat exclusively with Elise, which meant he needed to have a very uncomfortable conversation with Tiffany. Back at Tiffany’s villa, she was sitting around with Courtny and Joe, discussing Courtney’s “Usman vs. Coltee’ love triangle, that is a bit confusing, to say the very least. Carlo came a-knockin’ at the door to have the big talk, looking extremely nervous. Of course the conversation will be stretched out to next week, and I’m guessing there will be some kind of Tiffany/Elise showdown….my money is on Tiffany.