Happily Ever After? Season 9 Episode 4:

Brandon and Julia joined the roster this week, discussing married life post-therapy. Julia agreed to give the whole baby thing a try, as long as Brandon let her parents come and visit with the intention of moving to the U.S. The confusing part is that Julia’s parents are divorced, but would be coming to stay for a month in their one and only guest bedroom, which she flooded with American flags and regalia.

Later on they were joined by Brandon’s parents, Ron and Betty, who were coming to help fix up the house for Julia’s parents’ arrival. Betty was confused as to where the Parents’ Julia would be staying, seeing as she had called permanent dibs on the guest room. Julia was angry as ever, explaining that she would have to just sleep on the couch or drive the hour and a half home during the time that her Russian in-laws were in town (Or they can all split open and sleep huddled inside each other like little Matrushka dolls…. I thought that’s how most Russians slept anyway).
Betty, Ron, and Brandon toiled away in the yard, working hard on fixing up the plumbing before the borscht crew came to wreak havoc, while Julia was nowhere to be found. In an effort to avoid Bron (That’s Betty & Ron) she decided to take one of the many German Shepherds for a walk, which also got her out of yard duty. Brandon expressed his frustration over Julia’s lack of effort in the babymaking department, as she had promised she would go to the fertility doctor for a second opinion. Upon her return from her princess walk, Betty approached Julia to offer herself as an escort to her next doctor’s appointment. Julia immediately got defensive, claiming she was being pressured instead of supported, and started yelling at basically everyone. It seems that Brandon felt he was upholding his end of the deal they had made at the “Last Resort” pointless couples’ counseling by the worst “therapists” in the world”, but Julia was slacking. I’m just wondering what exactly Julia’s “fertility issue” IS, that some Russian doctor allegedly told her, or if the bigger issue is that she doesn’t want to birth yet another Betty clone.

Back at the Hilton Garden Inn, on the NON luxury toilet….Tigerlily and Adenoids were headed off to an ultrasound appointment. While driving for the second time in America, Adnanymous began drifting in and out of lanes, as he was busy replying to emails about important cabin updates, instead of paying attention to the road. Tigerlily tried to remind him that he needs to be careful for the sake of her and their unborn baby-nan, while he just yelled and argued. Tigerlily busted out into tears, potentially realizing that at 42 she married someone under 30 years old who was quite possibly very immature and obnoxious.
After her emotional breakdown, Adnan apologized for the sake of making peace, as they headed to an ultrasound appointment to see how “Baby Zeyn” was coming along. Adnan made sure that there were no male production crew members present to see T-Lily’s bare belly, as he marveled at his heir, in-utero. After the appointment, Adnan had slightly redeemed himself, as the couple went to a local restaurant. On her way back from the bathroom however, Tigerlily had caught her beloved in a lie, which she tried eagerly to get him to admit. It seems that Adnan had promised to quit smoking upon his U.S. arrival, but was caught having a drag during their day-date, which was a drag in itself. As they nibbled on their lackluster chocolate cake, she cried yet again, feeling like she was now going to have a hard time trusting him. (She could always just program the toilet to spray out his cigarettes…)

Elizabeth and Undrrrrei were busy packing for their fake move to Moldova, as if anyone cared. They somehow roped father Chuck into going on the trip, with Elizabeth figuring he’d be great helping them scope out prime real estate….in Moldova. Which he pronounces “Mull DOUvuh. Which is not better than its regular pronunciation, as MOLDovuh. After an arduous journey with 2 small children, the family of 4 finally made their debut in the Moldy-O. They were met at the airport by Mother and Father Undrrrrei, who were crossing their fingers that the couple would decide to stay in the motherland for good. They headed back to the family apartment where Mother Undrrrei had prepared a tempting shmear of meat jello and pickles, sure to require a lot of toothpaste……which would be fine, if the airline wouldn’t have lost their luggage with everything they own.
The following morning, after digesting all of the meats, the family of 6 took turns waiting in line for the one single bathroom. Undrrrei was loving the homecoming, and decided to throw a surprise party to really sell Libby on the idea of the MoldyMove. They arrived at a winery, where there were much fancier Moldy treats as well as a DJ and a firework show. With her limited knowledge of Romanian, she could hardly understand what anyone was saying, but understood that Undrrrei really believed this “move” could possibly be real.

Gino left the parking lot pity party from last week feeling vindicated after proclaiming his desire to officially divorce Jasmine. She was left crying in her gogo boots amidst a heap of her old junk as she waited for her sidepiece Matt to come to her rescue.
Gino felt like a weight was lifted, as he quickly moved on to pursue his relationship with Jasmine 2.0. He hit up a thrift store to really impress his new ladyfriend, calling her on video chat to do a fashion show of hat options. She seemed to like each hat better than the next, especially the oversized rainbow knit cap that he was wearing while asking her to visit him in Michigan. Though Natalie worried about Gino’s complicated relationship status and lack of activities to do in his local area, she agreed to make the trip. Back at Matt’s place, Jasmine continued her cry-fest, weeping over the loss of the Mad Hatter. Matt seemed supportive, but also confused as to why Jasmine would possibly want to work things out with Gino, especially since he just littered her in a parking lot like an old soda bottle. Previews for next week show Cousin Dana and his wife Michelle getting Jasmo to meet up yet again and see if a reconciliation was possible.

Kara was popping and locking in her purple spandex outfit as she prepared for a debut of her upcoming bachata album. She expressed her recent successes in her musical career, despite her current relationship fails. Guillermo met up with a friend to discuss his relationship woes, concerned whether or not his marriage would last. The Friend Guillermo encouraged him to go to Kara’s big debut performance and make as much effort as possible for the sake of their familia (Which is “family”, Kenny. I can’t keep translating for you, it’s been years….) Next thing you know…. Kara was crying, talking about how she had asked Guillermo to move out after he had accused her of cheating.This is all-around just sad to watch…I’d rather see her star in a remake of “Dirty Dancing” where she wears a black spandex outfit and screams “I don’t wanna do the Bachata!!” NOBODY puts Guillermo in the corner….