Happily Ever After? Season 9 Episode 3:

Tigerlily and Adnan arrived at their luxury cabin where he was impressed by all of the many logs. Although the cabin wasn’t finished and there were boxes all over, Adnan seemed happy to eventually call it home. He especially enjoyed the impressive $20,000 toilet, which does just about everything except your taxes.
After the house tour, Tigerlily took him back to her current living quarters at the Hilton Garden Inn, where she was lucky that the toilet flushed. She must have left the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door that morning, as the entire hotel room looked like a bomb had gone off, with snacks, confetti, and kids stuff all over. Adnan was concerned that she would be a slob in their log cabin home once they were all moved in, but she assured him she would keep it clean (Maybe the toilet can clean the house too).

The next day they met up with Adnan’s brother Faris, who had been living for over a year in Boston. When Faris found out his little brother was moving to Texas, he loaded up his family and decided to move closer. The two brothers reunited, and Faris gave Tigerlily a polite family-friendly handshake as they headed to a luxurious golf course. Neither of the Brothers Adnanamous had ever been golfing before, and were concerned they might get their shoes dirty. After ruining the turf, the three took a break and sat at a restaurant, where Adnan brought up the idea of T-Lily becoming Muslim. She reiterated that she had no plans to convert because he wants her to, and would only do it if the toilet told her to. Which I think might just happen. The toilet controls all.

Gino was back from his Vegas getaway, and decided to sit down with his cousin Dana (the man) to discuss the current state of his marriage. He revealed that he hadn’t spoken to Jasmine since kicking her out of the house, and feared an inevitable meet up. Dana let Gino know that his wife, Michelle (Jasmine’s Bestie) had relayed the message that Jasmine still loved and cared for Gino and would be interested in working things out. Though he still had fond memories of the good times (You know….those 5 minutes they liked each other once in Panama before having some huge catastrophic fight), Gino was unsure if any type of relationship would be salvageable (Especially with that whole “Having someone else’s baby” thing…..)

Jasmine was at her sidepiece Matt’s house, sitting in what appeared to be a tent with her hair tied up in a turban like the prettiest little Genie-in-a-box. She agreed to meet up with Gino, as she felt it was important to give her marriage another chance. As she discussed her marital issues with her new boyfriend, she did seem to get a bit misty eyed thinking about the possibility of having to end things between them, should Gino decide to take her back.

The big meetup took place in a parking lot where Gino brought a load of Jasmine’s stuff as a peace offering. She arrived at the meet spot wearing a plaid dress and go-go boots, giving off a “disco-cabin” vibe. The two discussed Gino’s Vegas trip, with Jasmine crying off her eye makeup, claiming it was all her fault that he was now seeing someone else….which, was true, since she was also seeing someone else. Gino decided to actually grow a backbone and revealed to Jasmine that he knows she was lying about the whole Matt timeline, as he found phone records that the 2 were having long phone conversations and messages well before the couples’ stint at “The Last Resort” and their decision to have an open marriage. He announced he was finally ready for a divorce, as he left Jasmine sitting on top of a pile of her clothing, yoga mat and Keurig machine in the parking lot. Sounds like a country song!

Darcey went out shopping with her fellow bleach blonde friend whose husband was also from Bulgaria to find a more conservative look for her upcoming trip. Darcey’s friend advised refraining from looking flashy, as not to make a bad impression on the Mother Georgi. Darce took that advice all the way to the local lash bar to get her twin caterpillar lashes toned down. While wearing her skintight tan form fitting dress with her “headlights” shining through, she explained to the lash attendants that she needed a less glam look to really impress her inlaws. Unfortunately Georgi wasn’t impressed by her eyelash “make-under”, especially since her cleavage was hanging out and she planned on packing 20 pairs of 6” stripper shoes. Georgi was hoping the smaller lashes would help her see things more clearly, but it’s Darcey… and she’s snatched. And HouseOf11. Girl power.

Over at Loren’s house, she and her friend Noga were busting out the sage to get rid of any trace of Undrrrrrei. Loren worried that the fallout from the party was going to affect her precious friendship with Elizabeth, which I’m sure is deep and meaningful. Later on the three couples regrouped at Loren and Alex’s place, where the moms went out for a girls night, leaving the dads in charge. Within minutes, Undrrrrei’s son was biting Loren’s kids (which is really a common greeting in Moldova), which for some reason seemed fitting.
On the car ride over for girls’ night, Loren somewhat apologized for the bad behavior at the housewarming party, blaming it on her concern for Elizabeth’s well being and ability to thrive in Moldova amongst all of the meat jello. The three ladies managed to have a fun night out despite their differences, though Loren continued to try and convince Elizabeth not to let her Moldy-Man boss her around.

Guillermo was at Kara’s mother’s house dropping off the baby, stopping to have a quick chat. It seems that he had recently quit his job with good benefits to pursue working in a restaurant, which Kara was very angry about. To make up for the lack of benefits and pursue his interest in flying, Guillermo was toying around with the idea of going into the air force. Kara’s mom was supportive, thinking it would be a good direction so he could support his family and get the military discount at Costco. Unfortunately Kara hated that plan, as the two went off to a park to discuss the future. Guillermo tried to explain that his new weekly life goal was to become a pilot, and the air force seemed like the most cost effective path. Kara refused to move and follow him around the world, especially since her real estate clientele and music producers were all in Virginia, which is for lovers (But not these two, sadly). Every week we have to just watch them get closer to divorcing and it’s just sad.