90 Day Fiance; Season 11 Episode 18

Shekinah & The Sarper Image:
With the bed now correctly in place, Shekinah began getting herself ready for the bedside affair. Sarper, on the other hand, was beginning to have cold feet, feeling unsure if he could go through with the wedding ceremony. He had recently been having nightmares leading up to the big day, which was ironic, since he was already in their wedding venue. Shekinah tried to reassure him that all would be okay, and she would continue to be the same Shekinabot3000 after they wed as she was before.
Sarper went down the hall to his own hotel room where he dressed himself in a chip n dales style tuxedo. Shekinah walked over to the bed in her wedding lingerie outfit, putting all of Sarper’s worries at ease. The officiant stood bedside, as the two read their vows, each promising to be more sexy than the other. They sealed the deal with a kiss before throwing their undergarments on to the hotel chandelier (I’m now understanding why it was so important for the bed to be directly underneath). Congratulations to the newlyweds!! I was going to get them a toaster, but all they eat is butter, so I bought them some country crock instead!

Amani, Matt & BrendAny (Nuthin’ But Thrupple):
Back in thruppleland…It was the morning that Matt and Amani were leaving, and things seemed to have gone from yuck to barf. Instead of enjoying their final moments thruppling in a hot tub or frolicking on a bicycle built for three, Amani was following Any around the hotel room, hurling insults. She was still mad that Any had chosen to marry Matt instead of her, so she defaulted to calling Any a manipulative Tijuana stripper (Just don’t call her a “Hoo-ker”, or Natalie will pop out and give you the crazy eyes). Matt found himself becoming the monkey in the middle, as the two women argued over who was crazier (aka, REAL thrupple life. It’s not just all Instagram selfies and making out in the hot tub). Any felt like Amani was trying to control her with money, as she screamed at her from across the room.
Next it was finally time to head to the airport, as Amani was feeling hopeless like she had ruined the thruppleship. She rambled on and on while Any ignored her completely, feeling like the only third person in their relationship should be a therapist. After Any’s departure at the airport, Amani cried into Matt’s arms over her bipolar and unloveable behavior. So glad I didn’t have to buy three toasters…

Shawn & DougAlliya:
It was the day after the most miserable wedding, and the newlyweds were looking a bit glum. After the obligatory nuptials, Shawn spent the rest of the night in the hospital with his mother, who luckily hadn’t broken a hip. Not only did the couple not consummate their marriage, but it seems that they spent their wedding night in separate rooms. Shawn explained to his much younger bride that her tardiness was rude and inconsiderate, and ruined any specialness about the day. He worried that this was a clear act of selfishness, and that it would become a problem in their future.
They’d better make it…. that custom Jurassic Park themed toaster was expensive.

Stevi & Mahdi:
It was finally time for the big wedding day, so Stevi thought it might be a good time to try on her wedding dress. For the first time. After some lifting and tugging, her friend Claire helped zip her in, and she was ready to say “I do”. Mahdi emerged from the bathroom wearing a toddler size medium collared shirt. Both he and Saeed attempted to tie his tie, failing miserably, as tie-tying is against the law in Iran, and would get you about 20 years in prison.
The two men headed into the venue where they were surprised to see Stevi had set up a display for Persian New Year to represent Mahdi’s culture. He was so touched by the gesture, that he almost forgot to worry about getting arrested for his skin tight dress shirt.
Stevi was accompanied down the aisle by her dear old dad, who remained supportive despite his confusion about the whole relationship. Mahdi was waiting at the other end of the aisle, staring at the door intensely as he waited for Stevi’s debut (Though he’s always staring…at everything. All of the time). Stevi reflected emotionally on all of the trials and tribulations of getting to that very moment, as the two officially became Mr. & Mrs., kissing publicly (Which is obviously arrest-worthy). I was going to get them a toaster, but I baked Mahdi a cake with a nail file inside instead….I think he might need it.

Jessica & JuantanAmerica:
It was finally time for the wedding, as Jessica was nagging Juan to start writing his vows. She hustled to get herself ready, before shoving off in the car with her overly loyal best friend, Megan, the poop-flinging brothers and baby DAH-veed.
Once at the venue, she headed down the aisle with her parents to meet a very nervous Juan, who was waiting patiently as he dreamed about being back on the cruise ship. Luckily he managed to pull off writing his last minute vows, which Jessica seemed to really appreciate. Jessica took her turn reading her own vows, which she also translated to Spanish, so Juan couldn’t accuse her of being a basic gringa (The pronunciation wasn’t the greatest, but she still did better than Kenny, after all of these years of my coaching). Congratulations to the newlyweds!! I thought about getting them a toaster, but decided to get them a “Mr & Mrs. Established 202” sign for the wall, to go with all of the “Live, Laugh, Love” paraphernalia.

Mark & Mina:
It was the big wedding day, as Mina’s hairstylist applied a lace-front wig for the very first time ever, or so it would seem. She pulled the netting tightly over Mina’s face, which perfectly conveyed her wedding inspo of “Hannibal Lector”. Though Mina was excited to wear her formfitting dress and get all dolled up, she was still very sad that her son Clayton would not be in attendance.
Mark was surrounded by his friends, son and brother as he happily got himself wedding-ready. He was given a big hug and words of encouragement by his daughter Jordyn, who was secretly crossing her fingers behind her back. Baby Maria was finally released from her makeshift carseats, as she looked adorable walking down the aisle with the wedding rings. Mina was escorted down the aisle by Mark’s father, as Mark waited nervously at the other end. The ceremony went well, in both English and French, as the two sealed the deal with a kiss.
The reception followed with Mina doing a wardrobe change into a beaded dress, and taking down her ridiculous French Revolutionary coiffure. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough time to fix her makeup, but at least it didn’t come off on Mark’s face as they danced the night away. Congratulations to the newlyweds! I was going to get them a toaster, but instead I got the hair and makeup artist a career counselor.