90 Day; Hunt For Love, Season 1 Episode 1

It was finally time for the first episode of 90 Day HUNT FOR LOVE! The latest spinoff where the recycled newly single cast members get to go on a free vacation with flirtatious coeds and look for yet another failing relationship.
The first familiar face was Chantel (Of the famous “Pedro & I love mee Chantel”) who looked a bit thicker than before and sported an XL brand new weave to match. Next up was Tiffani, the makeup artist from Maryland who used to be married to “Ronald Ma’Boy” from South Africa. She described her lovelife as basically flatlined, and was hoping this ridiculous retreat would fix that. Besides losing Ronald, she also dropped over 100 pounds and was feeling like a brand new woman (In the same old off the shoulder tops). The first male representative was Rob the Knob, who we can’t seem to get a break from. After officially ending things with Sophie (well, not legally but whatever “officially” means to him), he felt ready to look for a new lady to “online cheat” on. He was met by a beautiful “event coordinator” from the hotel and was given a mask to wear to his first group get together. Then the red carpet was rolled out, as there was a member of 90 Day royalty in the house. Supa Star Sojaboy/Usman was back at it, now with his hair in tiny braids, and ready to find his newest babygirrrrrl. I can’t wait to hear some of his most recent hits.

The first night was the masquerade ball, where all of the singles showed up wearing their awkward masks so as not to reveal their identities just yet. Another moldy oldie made an appearance- Tim, as in Tim and Veronica, or Tim and Jennifer (and then Jennifer and Jesse Meester…oh what a tangled web we weave). Cortney also was in attendance, all the way from one of the first 90 Day seasons, and was brought back for a few spinoffs. In her most ditsy “Corni” voice, she claimed to recognize one of the masked men (Sojaboy), claiming the two had recently had a fling in Istanbul before he ghosted her, without even going “dey” for her. Rob’s interest was peaked as he spotted a tall lanky brunette strut into the room, who was revealed to be Jennifer (Who had dated Tim). A shlumpy figure appeared in the corner, walking over to the bar and lifting up his mask just enough to reveal himself as Coltee (Of Colt & Larissa fame).
Two “dating coaches” appeared, explaining their role in guiding the couples through this unusual dating experience as they had the singles remove their masks, revealing their identities and ogling each other. Besides all of the 90 Day has-beens, there were a few commoners sprinkled in to fill the gaps. Rob the Knob seemed to have been pounced upon by some model named Elise, who basically made him kiss her in the first 10 minutes and showed him her buttcheeks. This was a bummer for Jennifer, who also had been eyeing “The Knob”, but settled for some normal guy named Cole who had no idea who anybody was.

Corni and Sojaboy fell back into their flirtatious pattern, while Tiffani (Who was still wearing her signature cold shoulder top) seemed to hit it off with some guy named Rocky who had a pornstar mustache. Chantal and Usman seemed to have a bit of back and forth tension, as she pretended not to know who the international supadupastar was , when obviously everyone everywhere knows him. The following morning, Sojaboy and Rob sat down for breakfast where Jennifer invited herself as their third wheel. She decided to spill some tea about her ex boyfriend, Tim, and how he liked to watch her get lap dances from male strippers (Though most people would assume HE would want the lap dance Magic Mike). Jennifer and Rob seemed to have a bit of sexual tension, as they gazed at each other, almost completely ignoring the Yahoo boy amongst them.
Next on the agenda, the singles all went to their first class; Speed Dating 101. Three of the ladies got into the hot tubs, staying stationary as the men hopped in and chatted with them before rotating tubs. Chantal’s strategy was to lead with her leading ladies, aka her two giant buoys floating in the tub. She was chatting it up with one of the civilians, who clearly found her to be a total bore. She questioned if her lack of interest in dating was due to her recent divorce, or her even more recent kiss she shared with a female friend of hers. I feel like this show may actually fill some of the gaps the recent 90 Day season has been leaving behind, despite the lackluster casting. Between teasers of Tim actually having a crush on a woman, to Corni possibly dating Coltee, I think it will be filled with twists and turns to keep us interested and nauseous for a good while.