90 Day Fiance; Season 11 Episode 14

Shekinah & The Sarper Image:

After his comedic debut, Sarper and Shekinah sat down at a cafe (ordering what appeared to have been a pastry and not a stick of butter) to discuss his performance. Though she pretended to like his routine, she complained about the heckling of her former friend, Dan (All while she was wearing a blonde wig fresh from the set of “Pretty Woman”). Sarper felt no remorse for his Dan roasting session, as he maintained that Dan likes to play the victim card in order to win Shekinah’s favor. In an attempt to appease ShuhKIEnuh, Sarps agreed to go speak with the infamous Dan and settle their issues.
They decided to meet on Dan’s home turf, which happened to be a castle. Sarper ascended the driveway (Which luckily didn’t have an alligator filled moat) as he met Dan at the castle entrance. Sarper attempted to get the conversation over with, but Dan refused to discuss anything before giving him a full castle tour in an attempt to assert some kind of “king-like” dominance. He made sure to let Sarpie know he had dated all of the femmebots in the little friend group, and didn’t plan on stopping any time soon. Sarper got more and more annoyed thinking of Shekinah with Dan, as he alluded to the fact that they had romantic encounters. Ultimately the King of LALA land and the King of Turkish Headboards agreed to settle their score, and all was right in the fair land of Los Angeles. I might add that the castle house had a garage door from 1998, and really, really ugly furniture, and looked like it was more of an AirBNB than a primary kingdom. Nonetheless, it’s obvious that Shekinah gave up potentially living in a palace (with a garage door from 1998) to squish in a townhouse with Sarper, who exclusively now wears America themed t-shirts.

Stevie & Mahdi:

It was finally time for the joint bachelor/ette party as Mahdi and Stevi met up with her friends for a little haram. Mahdi’s friend Saeed joined the group as they filed into the burlesque show. The infamous Claire was present (aka the girl who’s boobs Stevi painted in person) as they sat down to watch even more boobies twirl around with tassels. Mahdi lasted approximately one act before heading out of the bar, afraid that he’d be arrested for the lengthiest of all of his sentences since arriving in the U.S. Stevi went out to find him, where he admitted the burlesque act was a bit too much for his wide eyed stare. They left and headed to a bar, where all of the friends sat around discussing Mahdi and Stevi’s very rushed timeline for marriage.
Though the couple seemed to heed their friends’ warnings, Stevi seemed committed to the plan (If only to save a couple of bucks on the Visa), and figured they’d work out any wonky details later. This of course was a red flag to Mahdi, who now seemed to have even more doubts about Stevi’s love of the boobies. Why he can’t ask her and get a straight answer is beyond me… Maybe they should have a staring contest to settle things. He’s totally win.

Mark & Mina:

Mina was sprucing up the wig this week as her sister Alex was arriving to help her plan the wedding. It seems the two are “thick as thieves”, as Mina explained her sister would help her hide a body, if necessary (Most likely on “Bald Head Island”). The ladies left baby Maria strapped to one of her car seats with Mark as they headed off to Mina’s final dress fitting. Luckily, despite her introduction to American faire, she managed to fit into her dress. Alex brought her a locket with a picture of their parents that she could wear for the ceremony as a reminder from home.
Later that night the sisters headed back to Mark’s hanger hideaway so Mina could give Alex the official tour. Though she seemed impressed by the airplane schtick, Alex couldn’t image her sister was living in such a quiet and secluded area, and wondered how long she would last. After returning to Mark’s 90’s bachelor pad, Alex abruptly put herself to bed, leaving Mark and Mina a chance to talk. Mark had drafted some paperwork confirming he would indeed adopt Mina’s son, Clayton, and would hopefully be duct taping him to the back of the family airplane in no time.

Matt, Amani, & BrendAny:

Oh hello….BRENDA! The suspense from last week was mounting, as Any had finally been made to reveal her true identity as Brenda. BrendAny defaulted to crying, claiming not to have told her future marital thrupples about her real name because Amani is always angry. Though she seemed to be playing quite the detective role, perhaps Amani should have started with taking a look at Any’s ID or maybe even checking her Facebook profile (Pretty sure that’s detective 101, but I’m no Rebecca of Rubeccuh and Zied).

Joan & Greg:

Back on the longest of the islands, Greg was ready to start his first day of his new job. Joan put together his lunch and sent him on his way, as he nervously anticipated his first day at big boy work. Back at the house, Mother Greg got Joan into the car to go wedding dress shopping, looking forward to the bonding experience. Unfortunately Joan shot her down when she said she’d rather go alone and consult her mother and sister via Facetime instead of inviting the woman who was housing, feeding, and paying for her wedding.
Once in the alteration shop, Joan tried on her long sleeved gown as her family looked on via satellite. They all “oooed” and “ahhhed” over Joan’s form fitting selection, which really showcased her Ugandan junk in the trunk. The family then got emotional, all taking turns crying over not being able to visit Long Island and attend the wedding in person. Hopefully the couple will mail them wedding favors anyway (Which you know will be tiny loaves of sourdough that have “Greg & Joan” etched into the top by plumber fingernails).

Shawn & DougAlliya:

Alliya called her mom on video chat to let her know about her recent consultation with the lady-maker doctor. Mother Alliya was curious as to how Shawn felt about all of the changes she was looking to have done, which made sense being that this has been the running storyline for two season now. Alliya did seem to notice Shawn’s tension as the doctor discussed all of her options, but felt it was what she might need to do to feel complete.
Shawn headed off to the salon wearing a bedazzled card suit themed t-shirt (The gayest thing about him next to Barbara Streisand’s glass encased dress) to meet up with his favorite client turned BFF, Stacy (Not Darcey’s Stacey, but another one. Would have been more fun with a Silva twin..). As he applied Stacy’s color, Shawn told her all about his relationship and Alliya’s transformation. Stacey questioned whether or not Shawn would be happy being with Alliya without the last remaining and perhaps favorite characteristic of Douglas. Shawn didn’t seem to have an answer, though it was pretty obvious from the last 56 episodes that it was an issue.
Later on Shawn and Dougalliya took a ride down to the beach to live their best California lives. Apparently no trip to a SoCal beach is complete without rollerblades, which was a new activity for Alliya. She suited up with knee pads, elbow pads, and a helmet to cover her always questionable hair (and possibly a cup), as she struggled to glide gracefully along the sidewalk. After a few minutes of that nonsense, the two sat on the beach blanket to discuss the recent doctor appointment. Shawn finally spoke up and admitted he wouldn’t be able to commit to being with her long term if she removed all of her original hardware, while Alliya didn’t want to promise that she wouldn’t. Looks like we’re right back to where we started from…. I’m thinking Alliya won’t be cooking in the velociraptor kitchen for long.