90 Day Fiance; Season 11 Episode 12:

Matt, Amani & Any (Nuthin’ But Thrupple):

After all of the trouble in Thruppleland, Amani brokered a date between Matt and Any in hopes that they will “connect” more (But not as much as they connected that one time she fell asleep early….). Over a plate of tacos (That’s “TACOS” Kenny, and if you don’t understand that one by now, I quit), Any told Matt that she “No break his heart”. Matt smiled his goofy “down for a threesome” smile, as the two giggled away their troubles on the beach.
Later Matt returned to the hotel room, seeming to be pleased by his date night. Amani brought up a new way to “vet” Any that she had concocted while alone in the hotel room. She mentioned that throughout their relationship, she had been sending money to Any via an account linked to her ex boyfriend Rey. She decided to contact Rey directly so they could question him and get more intel on the woman they claim to want to marry (But don’t trust at all).
The next morning ⅔ of the thrupple set off to a cafe to meet up with ex boyfriend Rey (Who was like Asuelu with a shrunken head). They were surprised by Rey’s “less than soap star perfect” good looks, as they sat down at the table to discuss. Rey seemed to spill the beans by revealing that Any’s real name was “Brenda”, before leaving the rest of the segment on a cliffhanger. Can’t wait to learn more about Brenda next week.

Shekinah & The Sarper Image:

After last week’s fight, Sharpie returned to the apartment to discuss what comes next. He bared all of his feelings (and man cleavage, in his deep V tank top), telling Shekinah that she was his one in a million relationship. She reminded him that he had been acting rude, dismissive, and like the OG Sarpe, which no one but me liked. He tried to chalk the change up to being depressed due to being the new guy in town, but Shekinah was not buying it. She gave him an ultimatum to either change, or fly back to Turkey-town, which seemed to throw the perfect male specimen for a loop. He reminded Shekinah that breaking up would certainly condemn her to a lifetime of crying, which seemed to make her even more angry (It’s hard to tell with her deadpan nasal voice which mood is which). The two argued back and forth about Sarper’s need for reform, getting nowhere, and leaving their relationship status up in the air. True love does not exist if these two are done……

Greg & Joan:

This week started out with Greg and Joan taking the two little white fluffy pups out back to the kiddie pool for bath time. While they were rinsing and repeating, Greg got a phone call that he had been hired for a full time job, which forced Joan to hold off permanently on her one way ticket back to Uganda.
To celebrate with the 0 dollars he has, Greg decided to take Joan on a trip overnight to New York City (Which is approximately 35 miles or as far as Uganda, depending on traffic). She “oooed” and “ahhhed” over the bright lights in Times Square as Greg did his best to play tour guide (Going off of his knowledge from that one class field trip in 5th grade. Long Islanders tend to play Gilligan with their island). Joan was equally impressed by the yellow taxi cabs as she was by her $1 pizza slice, which Greg informed her was best eaten if folded in half. He ushered her back to their NYC hotel room for the a romantic evening away from all dogs, chickens, and Mother Gregs.
Greg took the time to sprinkle around a few rose petals and light some candle, which impressed his bride to be. After several innuendos and dirty jokes, he shooed the camera crew out of the room to be alone with Joan and his sweat.

Jessica & JuantanAmerica:

The couple along with baby DOHveed headed off to see their wedding venue for their winter wonderland affair. Juan was a bit skeptical touring the grounds, as the venue manager explained a possibility of light or heavy snow during their nuptials. Juan started to feel out of place, as the venue didn’t exactly seem to scream “COLOMBIAN CULTURE”, since it was in Wyoming, which is more like a cruise ship than Colombia. Next we saw Juan hit the gym with Jessica’s best friend Megan’s husband, Herbie. Since the wedding was arriving fast, Herbie decided to throw Juan a bachelor party at a nearby-ish casino. Juan was all-in on the bachelor party, but admitted he was jonesing to have the boat life back. He admitted to Herbie that he’d been texting with his boss, who had offered him another job back at sea (The real one, not Wyoming). He felt that it might be best to do another boat stint to “save up more money”, though admitted Jessica might get upset. Herbie tried to remind him that he should really stick around and help his bride to be instead of leaving her a single mom to do everything herself, again.
Previews for next week show a joint bachelor/ bachelorette party is coming our way. Hopefully Juan pulls a “Luiz” at the strip club. A personal favorite.

Mark & Mina:

Mark was called off to do pilot things, leaving Mina and baby SantaMaria at the house all alone. She was invited to Mark’s neighbor, Marini Pat’s house for a little crochet hangout. A few other neighbors were also there for a “stitch and b*tch” session, which started with going over Mina’s prior family vacation. As the ladies “darned”, they listened to Mina recount the trauma of her visit to meet The Family Mark and their openness when discussing the prenup/nush agreement. She cried, as the ladies of crochet had her back, threatening to take anyone out with a knitting needle if they hurt her or baby Maria (Okay, none of that happened, but it would have been so much better if it did). They actually were just very supportive and happy to hear Mina had put a clause to the prenup in place; She wanted Mark to adopt her son, Clayton, who she had left behind.

Mahdi & Stevi:

Mahdi was still freaking out (without blinking) over Stevi having painted her friend Claire in the nude. The two were not on speaking terms at the moment, so Stevi decided to get him a smoothie as a peace offering. They went to the park to discuss Stevi’s vague possible bisexual tendencies, which she neither admitted nor denied. Mahdi claimed to love her, but also not be able to tolerate being with someone who was interested in other women. Who blinked. Stevi reassured him that she only had “deer in headlights” eyes for him, as the two seemed to make up.

Shawn & DougAlliya:

This week it was craft time, as the pair had only a small window of opportunity to get everything ready for their big wedding. Alliaya felt it was necessary for their dog, Max, to have a wardrobe change during the wedding- nothing a little glitter and hot glue couldn’t handle. While they crafted away, Alliya brought up the couples’ sex life, which had been strained due to her insecurities about her Dougalliya body. She decided to make an appointment with a surgeon so she and Shawn could get more information about the idea of a full time Alliaya.
The next day they met up with the doctor…… something or other (Alliya forgot the name). Shawn was hesitant, feeling like he was losing every last bit of Douglas, the person he had fallen in love with. He worried that if Alliya went through with every procedure the doctor had discussed, he would lose attraction and the relationship wouldn’t work. Being that the initial scene this season had Alliyah running away at the altar, I’m guessing they’re not going through with it. Or she forgot her weave……..