The Last Resort; Season 2 Tell All Part 5

The last installation of the Tell All began with what everyone was waiting 4 episodes for- Jasmine’s baby daddy drama. Matt appeared on video call, openly discussing his fear and anxiety over the new father news. He plead his case over why he’s not a he-man homewrecker, which received hard hitting eyerolls from all of the men on the stage. Gino made his signature blinky face as he listened, randomly screaming out “You’re ugly!” as if he had a “Baylen” moment. Shaun asked what all of us were thinking; How could this open marriage policy possibly have saved their marriage and what were they thinking?!? Gino explained that he thought Jasmine would be in a better mood if someone else was giving her “the meat”, which would allow them to somehow work on their issues. Speaking of meat….Jasmine claimed that while she was getting her two hour allotted time slot for Matt-meat, Gino was in turn getting burger meat. She said Gino seemed happy with their agreement at first, and joked that Matt should repay him with cheeseburgers. She admitted to having violated the contract by developing feelings for Matt and falling in love with him, more than Gino. Rob had to jump in to ask Matt if he felt the same way about his future baby mama, which he resulted in a vague answer. Jasmine wept as she explained her regret over not just going back to Panama when things with Gino got bad. Which……was all of the time. Like even in Panama. Never forget the toothbrush.
The “therapists” were brought out on the stage to discuss their side of the story. Shaun questioned the “sex therapist” who seemed to bring up the brilliant idea of the “open monogamous polyurethane relationship” or whatnot, with all of the men blaming her directly for the downfall of Team Jasmo. The bootleg therapists defended their bad advice, as they reviewed each couple and their “fots” on their relationships. Florian had a random outburst, screaming his zombie nonsense, causing Stacey to waddle in her sausage casing offstage. They wound down the segment with some formal niceties as the crew clapped and got out of their hot seats.

After filming ended, Stacey seemed to want to have a little alone time from her friendly corpse-husband, banishing him back to Albania. Rob realized he and Sophie were not meant to be (File that one under “things I could have told you 4 seasons ago”…). Jasmine claimed to wish the baby was Gino’s and they could have lived together like one big dysfunctional family, as she grabbed her to-go box of food and headed off to the hotel. Gino felt ready to hit the dating scene, even changing his signature derby hat to a beanie to commemorate the new life direction. Josh and Natalie are still not together, and Brandon and Julia are. Oh…. and Ari and Bini were there, but no one noticed, even though Bini was wearing sequins. Nothing answered, nothing gained, 5 episodes of our lives. Until the next resort!