The Last Resort; Season 2 Tell All Part 1

It was finally time for the Tell All- The only interesting part of the season. The crew all trickled into the studio, revealing what life has been like post-resort. Julia and Brandon were looking rather chummy as they strolled into the studio wearing matching leopard jackets, hand in hand. Stacey rolled up looking “snatched” as ever, though she admitted that her relationship with Slow-Flo had unfortunately not improved much. Rob and “Jush” were in attendance as well as Natalie, who was dressed like she was attending an 80’s prom. Sophie showed up by herself, wearing multiple fuzzy colored garments simultaneously, while Bini arrived wrapped up in the entire flag of Ethiopia. Gino sat to catch up with Florian, claiming to be ready to bring his A game. Oh and Ariella was there…. So there was that.

Shaun greeted everyone on set as they all took their places. She caught up with each couple, beginning with Gino who confirmed he and a noticeably missing Jasmine were now estranged, despite their “recommitment to open monogamy” ceremony. Bini and Ari confirmed they were on the road to divorce minus the paperwork, while both Sophie and Rob and Natalie and Josh were casually sleeping together. Jasmine finally came on stage in a light blue form fitting dress revealing her “form” to be VERY pregnant. Everyone seemed surprised, as Gino squirmed awkwardly under his ill fitting hat. Rob expressed his feelings about Jasmine’s pregnancy news, feeling like his “open marriage” predictions came true. He and Jasmine exchanged choice words which included “wh0re” and “butt plugs” and ended with Jasmine throwing her heels at Rob’s freshly shaved head. He then took her weapon of choice outside of the studio and threw it on top of a nearby building. Jasmine worked hard to stay poised though she admitted she was obviously impregnated by her side piece, Matt (Which if memory serves me correctly, was against the rules in the contract with Gino). There weren’t many more details about the pregnancy discussed this week, other than the fact that (In my best Maury voice) “Gino- you are NOT the father!”

Brandon and Julia rewatched the whole “bar dancing” scene, with Brandon apologizing for using Jasmine’s nickname in vain. They also discussed Julia’s cheating revelation, with Ron and Betty weighing in via satellite. Though Julia now promised there were no more secrets between them, Brandon had brought up another man that Julia had been flirtatious with while working at a resort in Rusia. Julia smirked as she alluded to the fact that something may have happened with the mystery Russian coworker, leaving Brandon in jealousy purgatory. Looks like next week’s installment will include some Silva twin infighting, and an appearance by Darcey and Georgi. I for one am looking forward to hearing how Jasmine explains her “Committed Monogamous Cheating Relationship” going off the rails and winding up pregnant by the gay guy at the gym.