90 Day Fiance; Before the 90 Days- Season 7 Episode 5

Loren & Faith:
And we picked up this week with Loren further discussing his newly discovered bout of gonorrhea. (Don’t you just love it when the first sentence of the recap contains the word gonorrhea?!) He described in detail all of his drippy symptoms (While wearing a shirt with mushrooms on it, which means he’s just full of fungus), though he seemed pretty upbeat. He felt a little medication would go a long way, and in 7-10 business days he figured he and Faith could have some physical contact, free and clear. Faith unknowingly went to meet him in his hotel room so the two could take a little day trip to the countryside. She explained her growing feelings for her leaky long distance lover, but wanted to proceed with caution before agreeing to have him move to her country and hotel room.

They finally arrived at their scenic destination where they went for a romantic swim (Hopefully they were swimming through a sea of bleach and Faith was wearing one of “Pol’s” infamous penis sheaths from the Amazon). As they swam through the picturesque setting, Faith felt like a beautiful mermaid who’s prince had finally arrived……with scurvy. She had Loren try his hand at being an “Instagram boyfriend”, taking photos of her while she posed amongst the rocks. It was such a perfect afternoon that would only be made better by true love’s first kiss…..which, Loren explained couldn’t happen, because surprise! Gonorrhea!!

Faith was confused, especially since she was under the impression that the two were online-exclusive, and was now shocked to hear that Loren had been sticking his stinger all over the place (Which was why it now stung). Loren maintained his creepy grin, as he looked to Faith for a reaction. She explained that something must have gotten lost in translation, as she was under the impression that Loren was only “sleeping” with his friends, not gonorrhea-ing his friends. During the car ride back, she asked several questions, including the most important one- Why was he still smiling?!? Faith requested further information on the number of partners and frequency Loren had been with other people, implying that he may also now have the HIV. He maintained that his drippy dealings were not an act of unfaithfulness, since the couple had not yet met in person, and she should have expected that he was out gonorrheaing around. I bet he just figured they could hop over to Dollar Tree and pick up some gonorrhea medicine and go back to the storage closet for another fabulous dinner and pretend none of this even happened. Faith needs him GONE. As in, GONE-orrhea.

Tigerlily & Adenoids:

Tigerlily looked confused and overwhelmed as her big fat Jordanian wedding was about to begin. She was completely clueless about any and all traditional wedding customs of her new groom, as she hadn’t ever bothered to Google anything about his culture, and figured she’d just wing it. It seemed that Adnan pulled out all the stops for the wedding of the century, including imported flowers, drone footage, actors in masks, and multiple wardrobe changes. After the couple made their initial appearance, they were whisked away to the dressing room to hop into look #2.

Things were running a bit late, as Tigerlily wasn’t able to get dressed until after Adnan’s three ring dressing circus finished helping him. She managed to take her sweet time, with Adnan nudging her all the while to hurry it up (And if that isn’t an intro to married life, I don’t know what is). Despite their entire wedding being the “Festival Adnon”, and having little to nothing to do with the stone-faced bride, T-Lily was still so smitten with her 20 year younger lover, claiming he could do no wrong. Both members of her glam squad confirmed the wedding was the best they’d ever experienced. Congratulations to the newlyAdnons! (I was going to get them a toaster, but I figured she’d never read the instructions on how to use it, and he would never leave it alone, since he could see his reflection in it).

Niles & Matilda:

Niles checked, double checked, and obsessively counted all of his belongings as he packed up to head to Ghana. He admitted that he was a bit nervous to tell Matilda the truth about wanting to pump the brakes on their big wedding and feared her reaction. Besides being unsure if they would be compatible in person, he also hated the fact that his family was very concerned and against the relationship. As Niles awkwardly navigated the airport, he found himself triggered by the noises, lights, and movement around him. He managed to use his much rehearsed coping methods to get himself on board and on his way to meeting Matilda.

Back in Ghana, we got to finally meet the elusive Matilda, who happens to be a plantain-slinger, selling her sweet bananas on the side of the road for the equivalent of 8 cents a day. She explained her family’s difficulties, as she helped care for her mother and tried to make ends meet. Recently Matilda didn’t seem to be worried about her financial struggles, since she now has her rich American boyfriend. She stood around telling some of the locals about her relationship, mentioning Niles’s Autism, which in Ghana is believed to be a curse. Matilda maintained that Niles would do just fine, curse or no curse, as she had her mother put the caterers on speed-dial (And by caterers, I mean the people who sold Baby Girl Lisa that goat that one time).

Brian & Ingrid:

It was the first day together in Ingrid’s hometown, and things were definitely still tense. The two headed out to grab a snack, with Brian trying to guilt Ingrid into apologizing. He felt that her snarky comments about his age, and his past as a drug dealer/user were hurtful, and she should have just appreciated his honesty… about his previous lies. Ingrid apologized for any hurt feelings, but kept her guard up, unsure if she even wanted to pursue the relationship (and probably just picturing the catheter). She had Brian drop her off at her house so she could spend the day with her son, as he aimlessly rode around town, trying to think of ways to get back in her good graces. He decided to buy her roses and show up at her door in an attempt to say “Sorry I’m an old drug dealer who now uses a catheter” (Surprisingly, they don’t make a card for that).

Ingrid was won over momentarily by the beautiful bouquet and allowed Brian to go off-roading into her home, which was very difficult with a wheelchair. She allowed him to meet her 2 year old son, Arthur, who was smitten by the remote control car “Uncle Brian” had brought (Possibly with his drug money). It seemed that Ingrid was softening, if only in that moment, as she appreciated Brian’s attempt to get to know her son. Previews for next week imply that Brian still has more to his backstory….. Let’s just hope it’s not Gonorrhea.

Chidi Chidi No Bang Bang & RayNay:

After hearing that there’d be no sexy time, Raynay hadn’t been her old chipper self. The two took a walk around town, where they stopped to discuss their latest impasse. Raynee expressed her disappointment in the fact that the couple wouldn’t have any physical intimacy, but tried to act as if she was accepting. Chidi tried to explain that his religion had changed his ways from the flirtatious and promiscuous online persona, to the devout celibate he is today. Things seemed to improve slightly after their talk, with Renee really enjoying her time guiding Chidi around and describing all of the things she saw. They went on a little day date to a nature reserve (where no chickens were harmed) and RayNay got to befriend some of the local monkeys (Also file “Petting wild animals” under things I don’t want to ever do with a blind person. All of this is anxiety producing). When the two were finally in a monkey-free zone, they stopped to talk, with Renee fan-girling over Chidi’s blindness, and making him recount the whole apple to the head/Desk to the eye double whammy that caused his condition. She felt that his blindness was some kind of spiritual doing, and the whole reason why they were put together. Though Chidi appreciated her blind enthusiasm, he finds it both strange and insulting that she would suggest that his condition was the only reason they were together (Plus it probably makes him extra curious as to what she looks like). Previews for next week show tensions rising back home with Chidi’s sister Victoria… I’m guessing she and RayNay are going to fight over who gets to be Chidi’s guide dog.

Sunny & OyVey-Ha:

Veah got emotional and overwhelmed as she prepared to take the long flight to South Africa. She cried all the way to meet her ex boyfriend, who was tagging along for the ride as an emotional support Ex, because this is normal. As they headed off to the airport, the two discussed the trip and meeting Sunny, who was still in the dark about the “plus one”. They boarded their flight, where Veah briefed Rory (the Ex) on how the meeting should go down, with Veah coming out to the baggage claim first, and Rory hiding behind the doors until he got the “all clear” to make himself known. Once they arrived, she was a bundle of nerves and excitement as she readied herself for the big debut. I have to say, I am completely uninterested in this couple and story. Maybe if they could double date with “Wayne the Drain” and Holly, or get kidnapped into Ronald Ma’Boy’s blue room, I might be interested.