90 Day Fiancé; Season 10 Tell All Part One

The Season 10 Tell All began this week with Nikki showing up to the studio in true pink Barbie fashion. Ashley arrived, ready to withstand heavy questioning, as Manuel shrugged unenthusiastically like someone had just woken him up from a nap, as per the usual. Jasmine stunned in her purple sparkly dress that she meant to wear to the MET Gala (had she’d been invited), while Gino made a variety of surprised faces and elongated blinks. Rob the Knob showed up with what appeared to be a new woman, but turned out to be Sophie with dark hair (Hopefully she donated the blonde wig to Angela’s ponytail collection. Locks of Meemaw Love). As per her duties being the resident witch and all, Ashley made sure to sage the other cast members to cleanse any negativity (She should have brought a bigger stick).

Nikki met up with the rest of the crew, letting them know that she and JustIgor had been speaking again since their text breakup, though he admitted he was not “trans-attracted” (I guess he’s a bit slow on the uptake). Nikki cried without tears as the rest of the cast supported her, and Ashley gave her a second helping of sage.

Sam and Citra and Clayton and Anali walked on in, sitting down in the green room to receive immediate questioning. Manuel was curious about Clayton’s Mama en el armario (That’s “Closet Mom”, Kenny, and I’m sure everyone had their own questions on that one). Clayton seemed annoyed by the Spanish inquisition, and shut the topic down stat. Devan and Jihoon 2.0 showed up as basically tourists, since hardly anyone remembered they were even a part of the season. Devan had clearly lost a lot of weight, while still retaining her mumbling, while Citra appeared to have gained….

As they got on the stage, Igor was waiting on the monitor, immediately criticizing Nikki’s 20 lbs of tulle by saying she looked like Big Bird (It was surprising that he knew what a bird was, since they don’t do well in the Moldy-O. Mold causes difficult breathing and affects their sensitive respiratory systems. Moldy fun fact of the week). Shaun, however, complemented Nikki’s pink fluffy ensemble, even asking her to strut around on the stage for a 360 view. Justin pretended to retract his “pepto big bird” comment, and in turn complimented his ex-fiance. 

Ashley pulled out the old tarot cards to give the crew a quick reading, which revealed “Anything that was in the dark would come to the light”, truly foreshadowing the drama.. 

Clayton updated everyone that he and Anali had since moved to Oklahoma, bringing along their wardrobe roommate. Devan and Jihoon reminded everyone of their existence, and seemed to be enjoying married life thus far. Sam and Citra announced that Sam’s blue balls streak was finally over, but had been replaced by a blue or pink streak, as Citra was now expecting. They even took the time to elaborate on Sam’s “little swimmers”, complimenting their speed and agility, as they seemed to have worked very quickly directly after they got married (Which was only possible thanks to Brother Luke, who’s now due to the show’s exposure officiating 2-3 weddings a weekend, using his signature backwards hat as his branding).

Things kicked off with Rob and Sophie, who announced that their recent move to Austin, TX included indoor plumbing. The whole “online cheating” subject was mentioned, which brought a big reaction from Igor. He felt that Rob’s online knobbing was within the realm of acceptable, as he was acting alone. Of course a lot of the cast members felt differently, as the solo act also included provocative chatting with other ladies (that weren’t blonde OR brunette Sophie).

The conversation then turned to Rob’s relationship with Sophie’s mum, who appeared on the screen to confirm her detest for her new son in law was still going strong. Sophie seemed caught in the middle, confirming that her mother’s concerns were valid, while still choosing to be Mrs. The Knob. Ultimately nothing changed, and Rob attempted to play the victim, since his wife was not exactly on his side. At the lunch break, the conversation continued with Sophie telling the cast she ultimately figured she would get tired of Rob’s antics and eventually be done. There were a few amongst them that felt Rob was a nice enough guy, since he had been paying the couple’s rent and all, conveniently forgetting his crappy attitude and lack of motivation. 

Back on set, the conversation moved on to Ashley and Manuel, and the topic of “sex magic”, which involved candles covered in DNA evh-VUH-dense, and confirmed that Ashley truly had no filter and too much caffeine. She further explained her use of sex in conflict resolution, as they rolled the public bathroom makeup-sex footage (with audio) while everyone awkwardly watched. Ashley’s mom and sister were brought on stage and revealed that they were still unsure of Manuel’s intentions, even after the perfect storm(wedding). Mother Ashley wasn’t happy with the fact that Manuel had left his children back in Ecuador and didn’t so much as say goodbye. She even admitted that she had given Ashley money at times to help Manuel’s family, as he would get angry that she didn’t have enough to send. Manuel tried to explain his frustrations watching Ashley consume $25/day in coffee, while his family struggled in poverty. Jasmine jumped in to further elaborate on the “impoverished experience” (Though one of her butt cheeks alone could have provided enough meals for Manuel’s family for 3 months……Wait, not the actual butt cheek, but the implant surgery….you know what I mean. They don’t eat butts…well, maybe, during sex magic. Still not clear about all of that…) 

AND SPEAKING OF BUTT IMPLANTS…Jasmine and Gino were in the hot seat as they discussed her seat, aka the butt implant scandal. Instead of regretting lying to Gino about the way she chose to spend her wedding dress allowance, Jasmine only felt remorseful about not opting for bigger implants. She talked away the whole “Den” financing plan, trying to make it seem like she did nothing wrong and that there wasn’t a double standard. Jasmine began to get heated as more topics were discussed, including the whole “finding mysterious lipgloss in Gino’s car” bit, and Gee-Know’s bachelor party shenanigans. As Shaun rolled the real-time footage of Gino giggling through his lap dance amongst his family, Jasmine began to cry off her lashes. Nikki (Who had apparently become BFF with Jasmine) defended her new bestie, using her faux-Moldy-O accent to reprimand Gino for his behavior, while Jasmine began to rev up. Shaun took fact-checking to a whole new level when she brought on one of the exotic dance professionals via satellite to explain that Gino was having an awkward good time with his family, and was not in fact interested in the strippers (Unlike Jovi). Jasmine went into hysterics, running off stage in a fit of jealousy, as she was comforted by 50 lbs of pink tulle, plastic, and expensive extensions (aka Nikki). Gino maintained his innocence and ultimately his right to have a bachelor party, bringing up the fact that Jasmine had also had a stripper party back in Panama as well as claimed to have slept with Den. Ultimately it was Clayton who brought the most clarity to the situation, when he so thoughtfully noted that “Jasmine should have spent her $10,000 butt implant money on anger management”. Mic drop.

This concluded the first portion of the Tell All with of course more drama and detachment from reality to follow next week.