90 Day Fiancé; Season 10 Episode 18:

Ashley & Manuel:

It was finally the wedding day, as Manuel headed out with his friend Jonathan to get a haircut for the occasion. The women in the South Florida barber shop all made jokes with him in Espanol (You couldn’t even do that, Kenny) about the typical wedding day jitters.
Ashley was back at the AirBNB with her friend, panicking over the impending storm and turning to her tarot cards for some clarity. She managed to stay calm enough to have her makeup and hair done, and slip into her dress and rock candy crown. Mother Ashley arrived just in time to help bring her daughter back down to her Earth-sign as they prepared to brave the storm. The dark clouds were growing thicker and thicker as they approached the wedding locale, but Ashley tried to relax, as she too had some power over the weather (Witch privileges). Manuel noted that they would have to go through with the wedding, neither rain nor heat, as they waited until the absolute last moment to get married before his Visa was about to expire. 

As the wedding procession began, so did the rain, testing everyone’s setting-spray and Ashley’s overly caffeinated psyche. Nonetheless, Ashley walked down the aisle under an umbrella with her father, as Manuel looked on with tears (or just face-rain). They kept the ceremony short, with each of the couple reading their vows, promising never to go to bed angry (And luckily they didn’t vow to overcome anger by banging out problems in the public restroom).

Mazel tov to Ashley and Manuel! I was going to buy them a toaster, but figured I’d get them an unlimited supply of hand sanitizer instead. (You know, for those “problem solving” occasions in public places). 

 

 

Nikki Exotica & Igor Timberlake:

A few weeks after her return from the Moldy-O, Nikki was set to do an interview with production. Unfortunately while at the studio, she received a message from Justin, terminating their tumultuous relationship. Nikki proceeded with the interview, explaining that the message from Justin came on the heels of a bad fight the couple had over Justin’s lack of work. Nikki claimed to have lost it on him, feeling like he was acting like a User Moohamit. After a week of not speaking, Justin finally wrote Nikki a breakup text, using ChatGPT (Had to be. It was too grammatically correct and well thought out). Nikki sobbed without tears (the mad scientist didn’t include those when he created her in the lab), begging Justin to be open to working things out for the sake of their “fairytale” ending (Though it was more like a Brothers Grimm tale). She sobbed to the producers before hopping in a cab, and heading home.

Back at her pink palace, Nikki cried in her bed, as her mom raced to be by her side. She explained Justin’s break up text, feeling that it was not enough closure due to the fact that they were engaged. She was hoping that JustIgor would reconsider, claiming that he had a piece of her heart (Which was also surgically corrected to be hot pink). 

Previews for the Tell All suggest Justin may have reevaluated the situation, but other castmates were less forgiving than “The Nikki”. Can’t wait to see that one!

 

Clayton & Anal-i:

Clayton was waiting anxiously at the altar, in front of a room full of guests (Who were all dressed like it was “All you could eat steak night” at the Sizzler), hoping and praying that Anali would make an appearance. As luck would have it, she showed up (albeit looking quite disheveled and with possibly the worst updo I’ve seen in awhile). She was walked down the aisle by Father Clayton, as Clayton looked on, guinea pig-squealing with joy. After each reading their vows, they completed the ceremony, and were finally pronounced “husband and wife”. 
Sister Brandi claimed to love and care for Anali like a sister (and hopefully not try and sabotage her with any more strippers. Sidenote: I would really like to see Sister Brandi with Brother John from The Single Life as a couple. What a good time that would be!)
As the reception began, Clayton surprised Anali with the traditional Peruvian dancing, which she seemed to enjoy and appreciate amidst the cringing. He hopped around wearing the authentic hat and everything, with Anali eventually joining him on the dancefloor.
Mazel tov! To the newlywed couple! I actually did buy them a toaster (but I hope Anali doesn’t try to squish one of the guinea pigs in there when she’s hungry). 

Back at the apartment, the newlyweds still seemed happy, as they went over their wedding gifts. Anali decided to give a gift of her own to Clayton in the form of a phone call to her dad, to let him know that Clayton existed, she was in the U.S., and the two had gotten married. Anali was super nervous as she began the call, eventually inviting Clayton to come over to meet her dad. She started by explaining that Clayton was her boyfriend, but quickly held up her hand to reveal her wedding ring. Father Anali was so mad, he stormed off camera crying, and had to be consoled by her sister. Obviously Anali’s little plan to play the waiting game back fired, but she felt relieved that the cat was out of the bag. Or, as they say around those parts….the guinea pig was out of the cage.

Why am I still thinking about her wedding hair….. 

 

Sam & Citronella:

It was the morning after the wedding and Sam and Citra awoke… in separate beds. Citra and her family were afraid of being in an old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, thinking a ghost or a random serial killer could kill them, thus needing a familial “sleep pile”. Power in numbers. Sam didn’t mind letting the blue balls last another day, since he felt Father Citra was in too close of proximity to do the deed anyway.
Before leaving for the airport, Herman gave Sam a final speech about being a responsible man, since he was now the only one Citra would have in the U.S. and he worried about her future. Sam promised to watch over her, and stay away from Muslim contraband, such as eating pork and going to bars….that is, unless he winds up behind bars.

After the family Citra departed, it was finally “game on” for the two lovebirds. Sam sprinkled rose petals all over the bed, lit some candles, and put on a pair of chaps to woo his new blushing bride. The two finally sealed the deal, but not in their marital bed. Apparently Sam’s dogs were overly excited about the consummation that they wouldn’t leave them alone, so they had to take their act to the laundry room (If the dryer is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’….. And also someone please tell Father Sam the rockin’ of the dryer is NOT the mothership returning to Earth to beam him up). 
Even though it was a happy, exciting time, Sam couldn’t help but think about his impending court date and possible lockup. The end of the segment revealed he had refiled his paperwork and was waiting to hear if he was approved or if he was going to the slammer. 

Mazel Tov to Sam and Citra! I decided not to get them a toaster, and instead baked them a cake with a giant nail file inside…. Just in case they need it for a quick prison break.

 

Rob The Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

Rob and Sophie arrived at their wedding hotel in Santa Barbara….which did have an en suite bathroom. Rob popped a bottle of champagne all over his crotch, as he and the future Mrs did a cheers to their upcoming wedding. 

The next morning was showtime, and the two said goodbye for the rest of the day. Mother Sophie joined her daughter, and was stressed out to hear she had woken up with a cough and sore throat. Sophie did consider the fact that her ailments could be her body’s visceral response to marrying Rob, as antibodies work in mysterious ways. Sophie sat down to have her makeup and hair done by her artist, Shelsea (Who’s mother probably planned to name her Chelsea but was momentarily captivated by a seashell and here we are). 

Rob’s sister did a very nice job of setting up the beach side affair, which was overflowing with flowers, low set tables and beach blankets (sure to get sand in so many places the guests will still be finding it the next day). Sophie and her mother attempted to walk down the aisle, only to have a hard time finding the walkway leading to the altar. Eventually the two goofballs made it, as Sophie appeared in her short Tinkerbelle-esque dress, while Rob looked on with genuine tears. The ceremony was shorter than Sophie’s dress, and the two were finally pronounced Mr. & Mrs. The Knob. 

Mazel Tov, to everyone except Rob! I know they couldn’t fit a toaster in the apartment, so I got them a 3-in-1 commode. I decided to go practical.

 

Can’t wait for the Tell All next week!!