90 Day Fiancé; Season 10, Ep 14

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

Sophie and her mum went over the whole apartment tour fiasco in the cab on their way out to lunch. Mother Sophie tried to encourage her daughter to ditch The Knob before he drains her of any shred of joy she has left. Sophie was taking note of her mum’s wise words, but she quickly received a message from Rob, showcasing some fancy car with the caption “This could be ours” (He forgot to mention the part where they’d also have to live in said car, and still not have a toilet). Sophie told her mom she was 50/50 on the relationship, as she did love Rob but there was a lot of room for improvement.

Back at the hotel, Sophie was finally relaxing, happy to be in a “posh” place with a potty, as her mom worked on her some more. She decided to tell her mom about her pointless bisexuality, which left her mom feeling even more confused as to why she’d want to marry Rob. 

Somewhere in Inglewood…. Rob met up with two of his friends to discuss the current sordid state of his relationship, and his reservations about getting married. He insisted that Sophie and her mom were just being snobs about his dive of a dwelling, and that they should only know his struggles of being a part time male model. Rob’s friends tried to be supportive, but also acknowledged his stubborn and difficult nature. Will there be a wedding registry for “Mr. & Mrs. The Knob”??? I’m not sure, but I’d definitely keep the receipt. 

Nikki Exotica & Igor Timberlake:

The mood was still tense with these two as they set off on another forced day date, this time to go horseback riding. Igor thought hard (which was difficult) about what his friend had said last week, and decided to take the whole “masculine energy” thing and in the words of Randy Jackson- “make it his own, dawg”. Instead of being more assertive and take-charge, he practiced a more “toxic” version, by just yelling at Nikki and telling her she needed to change. 

They arrived at the horse place, where they agreed to put the fighting on the backburner at least for the riding lessons. Apparently upon their first visit together many years ago they had also gone horseback riding, so this was a nostalgic activity. Igor wanted to recreate a photo that they had taken together on that first magically meeting in the Moldy-O, where they were holding hands on horseback, and no one was worried about getting cooties from anyone who has too much masculine energy.

They made sure to get a snap on horseback, before dismounting to discuss the state of their relationship, yet again (Talk about besting a dead horse!). Though she has been miserable for the entirety of the visit, Nikki ultimately felt like JustIgor was the man of her dreams and wanted to go through with the engagement celebration (Any excuse to wear a sparkly outfit…)
Hopefully the horses didn’t absorb any of their toxic energy, or mycotoxins, which are toxic compounds produced by certain types of mold that live in Moldy hay (Moldy fun-fact of the week). 

Ashley & Manuel:

This week Ashley surprised Manuel with a roadtrip to visit Niagara Falls (Hopefully they didn’t need to stop for a “bathroom break”). Manuel actually looked impressed for once as he had been longing to see the Falls in all of their glory. Since he was finally in a good mood, Ashley took the opportunity to ask Manuel if he felt ready to make some adaptations to his new American culture. To him, this meant frivolously spending money on things like coffee and incense, and he started to get tense once again. He eventually just walked away and resumed his blank-stare texting, as Ashley followed him around, trying to keep the peace (I wonder if they have any Porta-Potties at Niagara Falls?!  If the porta potties a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’!)

The couple made up just in time to take a ride on the “Maid of the mist”, the famous Niagara boat tour. Manuel was actually impressed and invigorated by the rushing water, multiple rainbows, and beautiful scenery. Since they were in such a euphoric state only generally reached in public restrooms, they jointly decided to agree to get married.
Looks like next week might finally be their wedding day… hope everyone has their “anti anxiety healing stone” wedding favors I handed out… 

Gee-Know & Jasmania:

The couple were back in Michigan, attempting to return to normal (or at least their version) after Jasmine dropped her bombshell about her bottom-benefactor. They decided to continue the conversation about the loan from “Den” while they were trying to make dinner, and as Jasmine was chopping carrots with like….a REALLY big knife (I saw no vegetable peeler. I  guess Gino  didn’t have the proper equipment). Being that she was in the dog house, Jasmine had to find a way to turn the fight around, so she tried to bring up Gino’s “ex”. If memory serves me correctly, a long time ago, in a far away land called Panama (and not Gino’s living room, which also looks like upside down Panama), Gino stupidly sent naked photos of Jasmine to a person he claimed was his ex girlfriend (though it was later revealed that she was a sugar baby/escort he used to talk to). This person allegedly sent the naked photos to all of the online bloggers (except me, RUDE.) AND Jasmine’s employer, who fired her (Because apparently her televised half naked outfits and insane outbursts weren’t enough to get her fired already). 

Gino asked if Jasmine had provoked his ex girlfriend in any type of way, which sent her  into the usual hysterics. Luckily she put the actual knife down but instead stabbed Gino in the heart by claiming she wished she would have had one last hurrah with “Den” before she left. The two returned to their usual low blows insults, before Jasmine stormed upstairs and claimed the wedding was off (The angry-yelling as she walked up the stairs had a hint of “Larissa” to it, not going to lie..)

Gino’s recipe was to let Jasmania cool down for approximately 30 minutes before reheating with more stupidity. He walked up to the lavender formica bathroom where Jas sat, crying for a change. He finally let her know that he would be more comfortable if Jasmine stopped speaking to Den completely, and she agreed to break the friendship off….via voice message. Jasmine recorded her breakup soliloquy, which seemed to translate to “Hey Babe” when the camera panned in. Gino was happy about her dedication to their insane relationship, as they went back downstairs to finish preparing dinner without the proper equipment.  

Clayton & Anal-i:

Back in Kentucky, Clayton and Closet-Mate mom were at a pet shop, shopping for some guinea pig accessories, nothing to see here. On their way back, they discussed their roommate situation, and Mother Cupboard’s gripes on life with Anali. She felt Anali was up too late on the phone, speaking EsPANYule all the dang time, which was about to drive her loco (That’s “crazy”, Kenny… Like a grown woman living in her son’s closet). She was kind of hoping Anali could start cooking cheeseburgers for the household, and cut it out with all of the pollo (She had privately asked me to translate the lyrics for “Cheeseburger in Paradise” so she could play it for Anali to send subliminal messages, but I’ve just been so busy translating for Kenny, I don’t really have that kind of time).
Clayton tried to de-escalate his mother’s tirade, which unfortunately backfired, and sent her into a passive-aggressive spiral where she admitted she feared she could be tossed out of the closet any day now, like some old clothes no one wants (Which is more likely to be in a closet than one’s mother).

Once they arrived back at the human gerbil cage, Clayton and Anali were packing to head to their location for their wedding ceremony. Anali was concerned, as Clayton had dropped the ball in the wedding preparation department, which she felt was his job since she, like Kenny, she doesn’t speak the language. From the kitchen, Closet-Mom was listening to the foreign conversation, and later made comments to Clayton about the importance of Anali learning to speaky the English. Clayton somewhat agreed, making sure to translate the sentient gently, as not to offend his bride-to-be, in her most come-hither transition lensed glasses.
They quickly finished loading up the car, guinea pigs and all, as they headed off to Indiana to kick off wedding week. Once they reached their Indiana AirBnB, Sister Brandi came over to go over the last minute plans. Though she had most of the details under control (including but not limited to the bachelorette party, acquiring a festive alpaca, and a custom-made “Closet Mother of the Groom” t-shirt), the wedding still did not have an officiant. Clayton proposed that one of the guests could stand up and perform the ceremony, subtly hinting that Brandi should add this to her “to do” list. Though she was glad to be of service, Brandi drew the line at officiant, claiming she’d rather have diarrhea (Though she’d have to have at least 6 or 7, as per Mother Summit’s rules). 

Brandi better have renting a porta potty on her to-do list just in case, as it’s looking like she’s supposed to be doing the whole wedding herself (And if anyone needs to use the porta potty, please knock first and make sure Ashley and Manuel aren’t in there. Also… Don’t. Touch. Anything)

Sam & Citra:

It was finally time for Herman Munster of Indonesia and the two wicked sisters to head to Sam’s hometown. They all piled in the formerly filthy car, with Sister Citra already complaining it was too small, as they rode off towards the town of Cameron. 

Sam gave the group a tour of the Mothership just before his father had landed. Father Sam came in, greeting everyone with an Indonesian phrase (Which he thought was some alien jargon he had picked up from the little men in the yard). They all sat down for a taste of American cuisine; Fried chicken, coleslaw, and potato salad. Of course the snob-sisters sat with upturned noses, feeling that their food was superior to the American dreck. Herman Munster asked Father Sam about his thoughts on the couple’s decision to get married. He explained all of the positive changes he had seen in Sam, who was formerly kind of a screw up before meeting Citra and settling down, virtually. Though it was meant to be a touching compliment, Sam felt that his dad was throwing him under the bus, as he was basically admitting that he was previously a loser. Father Sam also followed his Hallmark moment by asking Herman if weed was legal in Indonesia. (Not a great chaser, or appetizer for the conversation Sam knew he had to have).
After lunch, Sam, Citra, and her father went out on the porch to finally come clean about the diversion program debacle. The outdoor flypaper really set the ambiance, as Sam began explaining his current situation, and possible jail time, while Citra translated. He had to admit to his former addiction issues, which was a big red flag to Herman. He felt that if Sam was to go to jail, he would have to pluck CItra off the flypaper, and back home where the food has “more taste”.