90 Day Fiance; Season 10 Episode 5

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

Back at the bathroom-less bachelor pad..
The fiancés finally sat down to discuss the long overdue pre-marriage topic of whether or not they wanted to reproduce. Rob felt his life would be without purpose if he didn’t create little Robs and Robertas to add to his estate, while Sophie tried to explain her pregnancy fears and medical woes. She agreed to be open to the idea of possessing a child, if she didn’t have to carry one herself, proposing the idea of surrogacy (Which doesn’t even require indoor plumbing). Rob seemed agreeable to the idea of letting someone else tote his seed, probably figuring he would get to plant it there.

Sophie took a break to video chat with her mum back in jolly old England. Mother Sophie (Who’s a “Cool” mom, not a regular mom) apologized for constantly speaking so negatively about Rob the Knob, even though she’s clearly not a fan. Sophie told her mom about the couple’s fight, and differing opinions on having kids. Like the rest of us, Mother Sophie agreed this should have been discussed way before an airport baggage claim proposal ever occurred, and wanted to make sure that her daughter wasn’t just agreeing to raising little “Knobs” because of her people-pleaser behavior.
Later on, the future Mr.& Mrs.“The Knob” got ready to head out to a cub in L.A., each bringing a friend along. Rob invited the brilliant choreographer, known for his airport proposal dance numbers, who was skeptical of Sophie’s intentions. Sophie happened to invite her friend that she had met on the friendship dating app., partly to prove that she had met her on a friend-app and partly because she was the only other person on the friend app and thus her only friend. The four awkward stood outside of the club, dressed in their finest lycra-spandex, as they introduced each other. Choreographer guy finally realized that Sophie was telling the truth about the dating/friendship app, and was probably hoping to dance on up to Friend Sophie, who looked like they could be sisters.
Although the clubbing may have been a good time, the party ended that night, when Sophie came across some disturbing Eh-Vu-Dense. She snuck into Rob’s phone and found an app where women had been sending him salacious videos, in exchange for photos of his knob. Sophie was so disgusted that she immediately booked an Airbnb with a bathroom and fixed her life. The End. (Well, that’s how I saw it anyway…)
She felt disgusted and hurt that Rob had been “internet cheating” yet again, and was confused on what to do next, since he was one of 2 people she knew in the country. Of course booking the next flight back to London could be an option….and then dying one’s roots.

Nikki Exotica & Igor Timberlake:

Way back in the Moldy-O..
Nikki was still in the process of giving her Moldy-man a stern talking-to regarding their non-existant sex life. She felt he was dead as a doornail in the romance department and expected more desire from his end. Nikki questioned why Justin may want to stay in the relationship, asking if her financial support was a factor. Apparently she had given him money from time to time for things he needed like oil for heat, a gym membership for his moldy muscles….and a nose job. The Nikki agro-meter started to read off the charts, as she grew more and more annoyed with her hands-off relationship. Justin awkwardly tried to calm her down, telling Nikki to “Save your power for our love”. Hearing that physical “love” was still on the table, she seemed to calm back down.

Nikki took a minute to video cat with her mom (while wearing some kind of neon pink “Toothache Barbie” headwrap). She told her of the fight with JustIgor, and all of her frustrations. Mother Nikki tried to encourage her FrankenBarbie to slow her roll, and make sure she is patient with him. Love and understanding takes time to grow…. Much like mold, which can take up to 18-21 days to colonize (This week’s moldy fun-fact).

After that scripted phone call, Igor Timberlake took Nikki out for a date night, to have a romantic bowl of borscht. Although Nikki promised to try and remain calm and have a nice night, she got slightly riled up when he mentioned the following day’s plans, which included bringing her to a new gym instead of the old one. She worried that was because he was scared of his friends seeing her, but he simply explained it was only because this new gym had higher ceilings. Igoraphobia felt the higher the ceilings, the higher the threshold for acceptance of Nikki. After a lackluster toast at the restaurant, Nikki was feeling a bit better, and was ready to race off to the bedroom to see how high Justin’s bedroom ceiling

Clayton & Anali:

New this week was Clayton, a thirty-something year old cyber security specialist from Kentucky. He shares his home with his 2 pet guinea pigs (“Baby Pig” and “Chocolate”) who he dresses in costumes……because Guinea pig costumes exist. Aside from the squealing toupees living in his apartment, other inhabitants include 2 disgruntled chihuahuas and his own mother, who popped out of the walk-in closet like something out of Spirit Halloween. It seems that Mother Clayton was looking to save a little money so she moved into her son’s walk-in closet where she’s been living for the past 3 years. Despite his bustling household, Clayton felt lonely on the inside and decided to hit up a “language learning” app, where he met Anali, a 26 year old woman from Peru. The two hit it off, eventually meeting on her home turf where Clayton wasted no time proposing after only cuatro dias (That’s “4 days”, Kenny. And that was an easy one, you should get this by now). 

With Anali’s upcoming arrival to the U.S., Clayton urgently tried to help his mom widdle down all of her “collections” that she tends to hoard in their small space. He feared that his fiance would have no patience for his mom’s garbage piles, and would want to move back home to dine on guinea pigs, instead of living amongst them.  

Aside from being on the computer all day long for work, Clayton also is an avid gamer. He met his virtual best friend Cameron about 13 years ago on a gaming app that he had wasted approximately 2 years of his life collectively playing. Though he had never met Cameron in person, he sought his relationship advice as they played in the background, via satellite. Clayton admitted to Cameron that he was concerned Anali hadn’t mentioned their relationship to her father, let alone her upcoming move to the U.S.. He worried that she was keeping their relationship in the closet, when clearly that was only a place where moms live…It looks like Anali will be arriving in next week’s episode. Let’s hope Clayton is able to get the headphone-hair in check and clean up the guinea pig-sty in time!

GeeKnow & Jasmania:

This week started off with Jasmine having a rash (…because watching someone scratch a rash is actually what we used to watch on “The Learning Channel”). Gino suspected her red rash could be the result of eating an excessive amount of almonds and peanut butter, though Jasmine knew it was from the filth in Gino’s house. She claimed his ugly blankets were so offensive they were actually causing her dermatitis to flare, and begged him to go shopping for some updates.
After a quick trip to urgent care for an allergy shot, Gino took Jas-mange to a discount store to buy new pillows. She conferred with the saleswoman there about the length of time one should keep and use a pillow, both feeling like the life average bedroom pillow cycle was only 6 months (5 ½ less years than Gino’s timeline). She also came across some soccer-themed bedding that she felt would be perfect for her son, Juance, once he was able to move. This would be the first birthday of his that Jasmine would be missing, and she wanted to compensate by sending him an over the top care package. She cried to Gino, who consoled her inside of the dimly lit depressing discount store, trying to reassure her that she was a good mother.

Gino better clean the toilets, before Jasmine goes into full anaphylaxis and has to remodel the bathroom.