Before the 90 Days; S6, EP 14:

Meisha Meisha Meisha & KneeeCollllaaaa:

This week started off in Kneecola’s favorite place: Church! He admitted that seeing Meisha in her head covering, praying, worked him up enough to really start thinking about popping the question (And not just the “What are you doing, Meisha?” question). 
After church time, they headed down to the Dead Sea, with KneeeColla playing tour guide yet again. They arrived at the Dead Sea (Which is actually Dead, unlike Pol this week…if ya know, ya know), and Nicola was excited to apply the special mineral mud to a woman for the first time. Meisha. 
As he showcased his farmer’s tan and mud rubbing skills, Meisha was unfortunately not thrilled with the “tone” of his application. She was once again bothered that he didn’t know how to be “flirty and fun”, so she tried to reciprocate by sensually rubbing mud on his yucky legs. Knowing that Nicola had a Masters in Regions instead of Relations, Meisha offered to answer any sex related questions he might have. KneeCola explained  that he is far from clueless when it comes to the motion of the ocean, as he was taught about s-e-x in the 5th grade, so he already knows everything. He promised to make the magic happen every single day after they are married, since he thinks that’s what Meisha is after (And I can only imagine how many times he will say “Meisha” during). 

After the birds and bees chat, they headed into the Dead Sea to take a float (And just a little FYI: Do not ever pass gas in the Dead Sea. It will hurt your boohole…..Asuelu told me). To continue the sexiness of the afternoon (which I just ruined with my public safety announcement), Knee-Cola decided to do an enticing dance for his beloved, which he claimed to have learned from watching a dubbed version of “Dirty Dancing”. Though she may have been “crazy for Swayze”, Meisha just laughing at Nicola’s dance moves. After the sexy mud-slinging, they went to yet another holy site, this time carrying a wooden cross for the full effect. They went to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which they once again connected in their spirituality. 

After all of that exhausting cross-bearing, they sat down for a little snack. Nicola martyred himself, much like Jesus, by waiting in line to get Meisha an Irish cream coffee, only to demand a “Thank you” immediately after his return. Meisha. He then brought up the fact that she doesn’t seem to be reciprocating in the “I love you” department, citing about 6 very specific moments during their trip where he had told her he loved her, only to have her brush him off in return. Though Meish was sure she loved her goofy prayer partner, she was also worried that things wouldn’t work out (I’m guessing the whole “44 Year Old Virgin” referencing “Dirty Dancing” for enticement wasn’t exactly thrilling her either).

Cleo & Chroschon:

Back in Jolly Ole England…
It was time to make the traditional Thanksgiving feast in the UK. Christian was hoping that Cleo might have a clue as to how to cook all of the canned dishes he was so excited about, as he was as useless as Cleo’s hair clip placed pointlessly in the back of her head. Christian sensually rubbed butter all over the turkey’s hollow body, hoping Cleo wouldn’t be jealous, as she giggled on. He felt nervous that her friend Jane would be attending the holiday dinner, since she wasn’t his biggest fan the last time. 
Jane arrived, doing her best to give Christian another chance, as the three did a “cheers” with some wine before sitting down to their turkey dinner. Cleo brought up the fact that Chroschon unvitud another wumun he met at thu bur. Of course this was yet another red flag for Jane, who was already over him and just hoped the food would be good at least…
Cleo threw Christian under the bus, ganging up with Jane to point out that he has seemed to be  a regular Chatty Cathy with the lady-folk while he was out and about, but not so much with the men. Chroshchon smirked, explaining that he likes to speak with women because they are people….50% of the population to be exact, and also because he’s extremely extroverted. The fact that both Cleo and Jane were questioning his motives made Christian feel like he couldn’t fully be himself, and didn’t understand where Cleo was coming from. Jane was clearly annoyed, trying to stay quiet throughout the dinner before politely saying her goodbyes and shoving off. 
Once alone, Cleo and Chroschon went on to discuss the flirting situation further. She explained that she dun wun to fell that hur purtnur was talking tu uthur peypel….and probably something about utisum. The night ended with Cleo leaving Chroschon drunk and alone downstairs with the cats….. Who he probably tried to chat with, because he’s extroverted like that. 

Amanda & Razvan:
It was finally the day that the un-couple were going to Croatia to meet the family Razvan. Though their relationship was still in a strained place, they probably already bought plane tickets, so the trip was happening.  Amanda (who finally put ALL of her stupid hair up in a bun and looked so maaach better) tried her best to suck up and be affectionate to Raz, now that she saw him being indifferent. It was obvious that he was enjoying her attention, but trying his best not to let his guard down after their last fight. 

The two arrived in Split, Croatia, which looked beautiful, even though Amanda was there. As they drove to the hotel, Amanda tried to check in with Razamataz to see if he was feeling more confident in their doomed future together, which was met with mixed reviews. Though he appreciated the affection, he admitted he wasn’t 100% comfortable, and didn’t plan on faking it for his parents. 
The two toured the town (or should I say “3”….Amanda’s hair was back), as she pretended to like the new scenery in Croatia, as if she could like anything. They headed towards the Parents Razvan’s house, where they were immediately greeted by Mother Razvan (Who looked very young and had hair similar to Amanda’s- minus those awful two pieces in the front). They sat down to a home cooked meal, which I’m sure Amanda was dreading. She did her best to be polite, attempting to use words like “good” and “how are you” in Romanian to communicate. She then asked Razvan to have his parents explain what exactly they did not like about his ex wife. Father Razvan took the lead on that one, stating that the ex wife Razvan didn’t seem to truly love and appreciate him, and would never let him express his point of view. He cried as he spoke, watching Amanda’s body language all the while to size her up. Amanda then looked at Raz, asking him if he felt that she was a good match for him, while the family looked on, wondering what they were saying. Clearly family dinner was the perfect time for their relationship chat, and Razvan seemed uncomfortable. Father RAZ got the feeling that there was trouble in paradise with these two, not fully trusting Amanda. Or her hair. Meisha. (I just end sentences with “Meisha” now. It’s like “Amen”)

Statler & Dempsey:
It was finally time for Dempsey’s “Meet the Friends” episode that everyone has to have. Dempsey felt it was important, especially since she pictured Statler being a main event in her life (though not in her house). They met up with 2 of Dempsey’s friends at a bar where they began discussing their plans for Dempsey’s upcoming birthday. Statler won major brownie points when she revealed she had a surprise trip to Edinburgh planned, but went overboard when she followed that up with sex talk (She really is the Queen of Awkward). Dempsey squirmed in her chair as Statler began to rattle off, in her monotone voice, all of her past sexual activities and conquests. She then got up to use the restroom (announcing it was only a number 1), leaving Dempsey and her friends to try and sort out what had just happened. The Friends Dempsey seemed open to accepting her, if this is who Dempsey was choosing to be with. They did however warn about some obvious codependency issues they noticed, hoping that their friend would proceed with caution.

Post-friend meetup, Dempsey and Statler were on their way to that town she couldn’t pronounce (Better known as Edinburgh, Scotland). As they drove, Dempsey tried to bring up the codependency factor, which Statler defended. She felt it was important in a relationship to be with your partner 100% of the time, whether others considered it overkill or not.
They finally arrived at the surprise destination, which happened to be an old Scottish castle (Not Dracula’s….we already did that and it didn’t go well). Dempsey was so taken with the romantic and thoughtful gesture, appreciating that Statler tried so hard to make her happy. The two were led down a creepy hallway to their beautiful castle-bedroom, where they wasted no time jumping in to take a joint bubble bath. Though deep down Dempsey realized that there were definitely some red flags a-wavin’, she enjoyed spending the castle stay (and hopefully at least quoted “Braveheart” one or two times, since she was in the neighborhood).  

Jasmanic-Depressive & Gee-Know:
After the dramatic fight last week, Gino shlumped off around the neighborhood with his backpack, feeling like this was the end. He met up with Jasmine on a park bench to try and talk things over, bringing up the cliff-hanger cheating announcement from last week. Jasmine ignored his questions, as she sat there with a 100 yard stare. She cried, trying to explain to her disappointment that she felt knowing that she’s not the most important person in Gino’s life. Gino tried to explain that she was in the running to win the “Most Important” superlative, but only after the two were married.
Jasmine suggested they give up on the relationship, which she seemed to actually mean this time, unlike the 400 times before. Gino couldn’t understand why this time was different from all of the other knock down drag out fights. She explained that she didn’t want to leave Panama to start a new life with someone who didn’t love her more than his own family. She announced that they were officially breaking up, commanding him to walk away and forget about her (Which I’m guessing would be impossible to… Never forget Jasmine. It’s the GOLDEN rule). Gino finally took the hint, staggering off towards a cab, leaving Jasmine alone to cry off her lashes on the park bench. Stay GOLDEN.

David & Sheila:

It was the first morning of the couple’s romantic beach getaway and David was clapping his hands to get Sheila’s attention from the other room (Man would THAT get old fast!). The honey-babes set off towards the beach where they met a man named Mark for a boat tour. As they rode out to sea, Sheila worked hard to use sign language to communicate with her honey-babe, though she was making awkward faces and seemingly ad-libbing. David gave her an “A” for effort, and looked forward to communicating easier with her in the future. The spot where they were going was famous for fish and turtles, and hopefully not any sharks…. Because everyone in this situation definitely needs arms and hands. The snorkeling excursion was nice for David, as hearing wasn’t an issue, and he felt like he really got a chance to connect with Sheila. 

Later that evening, they headed out for a schmancy dinner, ordering “a wine” (which it seemed like neither of them had ever had, but they wanted to up the fancy-factor). Sheila was so impressed, having never been to a fancy restaurant, and felt like a Queen. Thinking of all of the new things she was experiencing made her suddenly feel sad, as she reflected on what had happened with her mother. She really appreciated how supportive and understanding David had been while she was dealing with the tragedy, and she felt badly that it all happened during his visit, which they were both looking forward to soo maaach. David was sweating profusely, trying to work up the courage to ask for Sheila’s tiny hand in marriage. As he finally decided to make his move, he noticed that Sheila seemed extra emotional, causing him to second guess his timing. Turns out she was upset about the trip going by too fast, and the window of opportunity flew back open. Now drenched in sweat, David popped out of his seat, getting down on one knee with the open ring box. Sheila happily accepted, crying happy tears, as she stared at her ring in shock. David went in for a celebratory kiss to solidify the proposal, only to wind up spilling “a wine” all over the table, which matched the red tone of his blushing face. He carried Sheila off in a whole Jane/ Tarzan way back to the room, to celebrate with a donut and banana. Mazel tov to the newly engaged couple! (Now to propose to the translator…..)