Before the 90 Days; S6, EP 11

Aman-duh & Razzledazzle:

Amanda and the hair showed up this week wearing some weird camo leggings as she was cuddling Razzle. It seemed like the “razzing” from Razvan’s bikini-clad friend Diana encouraged her to up her game in the romance department. The two giggled playful in bed, revealing that they had consummated their relationship, and may have temporarily dislodged the stick from the place where Amanda did not have a thong bathing suit. Because she didn’t bring it. To the pool party…..

RazVandalay planned a romantic trip for two to Dracula’s castle, because…fun fact, Transylvania is in Romania. It’s not just for thong bikinis anymore, and Dracula may have worn one. Initially Amanda seemed a bit more playful and almost fun, and the couple were having a great time goofing around in vampire country…..that is, until Amanda had to open her mouth and seem unimpressed by Dracula’s castle. As they toured Dracula’s personal torture chamber (which was less torturous than watching Amanda play with her 2 pieces of hair and hating everything), Razvan brought up the topic of telling her kids about their relationship status. He had just received an approval letter about his tourist Visa and planned to come visit asap. Amanda didn’t have an answer, beating around the bush when it came to the topic of the kids (but Mother Asuel doesn’t even care about the kids…).
Next thing ya know, it was the following morning and Amanda was penciling in her stupid eyebrows, explaining that she and Razvan had a fight the night before. She had asked what his plan was for coming to America, and if he was planning on using her for financial support. She worried that Razberry would try to come to the US to pursue his acting/modeling/smoldering career, and would be unwilling to do whatever else it might take to support her and the kids…. That she didn’t want to tell about the relationship. 
Razvan, on the other hand, felt the fight was about who had more money, and thought it was unfair of Amanda to compare him to her late husband who apparently got her whatever she wanted (like, ALL of the things in the JCPenny’s catalog). She flatly told him that she didn’t think they would work, as she was looking for someone more committed to supporting her nonsense. Razvan cried, realizing that the relationship was most likely over (Or maybe he was just acting, but either way it was fairly convincing). Amanda should probably stay in Dracula’s castle… she vants to suck the fun out of everything…

Gino & Jasmine:

The newly fun couple kept the activities going with a little empanada-making class (Someone finally gave Jasmine the meat!). They then took a romantic walk amongst the tropical foliage and waterfalls of Western Panama, which luckily had the perfect internet reception so they could video chat Gino’s cousin. (Because why wouldn’t you do that on a day date..)
Cousin Dana (the man) picked up the video call, as Gino awkwardly eased into the conversation (giggling and all). He asked why Dana previously left a commented on Jasmine’s Instagram photo, questioning if she really loved Gino. Now of course this was probably a rather mild negative comment that Jasmine may have gotten on an IG photo, but of course they needed to have something to talk about. Dana explained that he has heard Gino gush about his love for Jasmine, but has also noticed her self enhancements on Gino’s dime. Jasmine seemed offended, as she picked at her extensions with her $5 footlong nails, stating that the only one she had to prove her love to was Gino. Good talk. 

After the useless video call, the couple continued to take selfies amongst the waterfalls. Since Jasmine handled the phone call without blowing a gasket, Gino felt it would be a good time to bring up some more hard topics (…. amongst cliffs, water, no other people..was this wise?!)
He expressed the importance of family in his life, and told Jasmine he was nervous that she would not accept the close family relationship once she was a Michigander. She began to cry, explaining that her crippling anxiety causes her to be rude and nasty to others, causing a lot of stress in her past relationships. Gino tried to support Jasmine through her tears by holding her hands (in his stylish layered Hawaiian shirt/long sleeve combo), as the couple agreed to work through things together. To summarize; Jasmine hates everyone and Gino’s cousin agreed to be on the show to prove it. 

Cleo & Christian:

Cleo was still in the cab with her friend Jane heading back to the B&B after last week’s fight. She was mad that Christian denied the two’s steamy love affair to production, and now questioning everything.
Christian waited anxiously for her to return, shocked and hurt that Cleo had accused him of being a gaslighter/manipulator. He wandered the B&B nervously in his sock-hat, before Cleo finally came back, summoning him to join her and Jane in the living room. Cleo questioned why Christian had called her to ask what he should tell production about their romantic interlude, thinking it was because he was embarrassed and wanted to lie. Christian tried to explain that he was merely trying to make sure SHE was comfortable letting the world know, and mentioned it was hard to think of being in a relationship with someone who didn’t trust him (Earning that gaslighting accusation). He then acted overwhelmed by having two people accusing him at the same time, asking that Jane leave the room so he could speak to Cleo privately.
Once alone, he told Cleo how offended he was by her claims that he was acting like a psychopath (even though he does have a slight young Jack Nicholason thing going on), and made her apologize.  She told him she “Jus wun make sure he comb-for-table being with a tran wum un”, which is the theme here. Christian claimed to be totally cool with everything, giving her a hug and hoping they could start anew. They seemed to have made peace for now, but not really sure how they will be able to continue this awkward relationship after this whole outburst.

Christian privately told production that he felt the real issue was communication though Cleo felt unsure that he dun wun to be with a trans wumun. Her friend Jane added that she felt the whole Chrisitan thing was a bad idea, destined to end in heartbreak. I dun wun to her abut them ani mur.

Tyray & ThePhotoFormerlyKnownAsCarmella:

Back at the bar…

Tyray waited nervously for the face of Carmella to show. He stared anxiously at the door, when the woman of his dreams finally entered. It was so nice of porn star Carmella to take time out of her busy schedule to stop filming such hits as “Grinding Nemo” & “The Slutty Professor” to meet up with Tyray, a stranger. He stared in disbelief, unable to talk as she led the conversation (One could even say she “escorted” him through the conversation). Tyray quivered with nerves as he began to explain the situation. He told the real Carmella that he had met her picture 4 years ago on a dating site, where he fell in love discussing the fake Carmella’s hope and dreams of becoming a model. He went on to tell her about the recent findings that the profile was managed by a man named Christian (who was currently in England gaslighting people and lying about wunting tu be woth a trans wumun….). Carmella had seen many different things arise in her line of work, but never had bent-over-backwards to meet someone for this kind of reason…but she can take it. Tyray asked if she possibly had anything to do with the catfish situation, which of course she did not, thanking the big guy for bringing the identity theft to her attention. He was having a hard time processing everything, as Carmella expressed her hope she hadn’t “worsed his fantasy” (which is also a major aspect of her day job). She encouraged him to keep looking for his dream woman and stay positive, because she is inspirational. He then gifted her a thoughtful candle (which might help her set the mood with her clients), as he asked if they could keep in touch. Carmella politely agreed for the sake of not “worsteding his fantasy”, as he walked her to her Uber and watched her ride on off to Colfax Avenue (I’m not a Denver native…I just googled it).

ARE WE DONE YET?! Cleo told me she dun wun to tok abut it anymore….

Statler & Dempsey:

It was Valentine’s Day, and Statler set up a scavenger hunt to set the mood. Dempsey began in the daylight, seeming to enjoy running from place to place to find each clue, but worried that the romantic gesture was the precursor to Statler trying to take things to the next level.
There must have been a ton of clues, as Dempsey finally uncovered Statler, in the dark, receiving a bouquet of roses by a fireside. Statler was in her usual nervous state, plying Dempsey with flowers for her to replant, a delicious pomegranate drink, and a fun pair of earrings (well, funGAI earrings as they were mushroom themed). She then went into her spiel about their relationship and awkwardly confessed her love. After receiving a lackluster love confirmation from Dempsey, she moved right on to ask if she could move into the tiny caravan. 
Dempsey felt it was too fast to move in together (probably afraid of having to plunge the tiny toilet constantly from the IBS), and suggested that Statler move down the road for now until she felt comfortable. She mentioned that they still have a lot to learn about each other, including if Settler and her ex are still in communication. Statler admitted that they were, which raised immediate red flags for Dempsey, who began to question everything. 
Looks like these two may go the way of Stephanie and Erika from Australia (but with less farting in jars…. Well….. maybe)

Sheila & David:

Back in the Philippines….
David was freshening up at his yucky hotel before meeting Sheila for breakfast. He wasn’t quite sure how to navigate the trip post-funeral, but wanted to support Sheila as much as possible. Translator Sisterwife Aimee sat down to help the couple’s conversations flow smoothly, as she relayed David’s question on how Sheila was handling things. Of course having her mother fall through the floor was traumatizing, and Sheila broke down in tears (looking like a sad umpire with her backwards baseball cap). Even though she was devastated, Sheila realized her time with David was fleeting, so she tried to put her grief aside for the time being. She felt compelled to address the house repairs immediately to avoid any further tragedies.

As the three amigos took a cab to the house, Sheila asked Aimee to ask David how much money he made, in a never ending game of sign language telephone. Sheila felt David was DaveyWarbucks hearing that he made a whole $800/week between both of his jobs. She really felt like she bagged a big one, and was hoping he would be willing to help her Love It Or List It.
They arrived at the homestead to find a man named Jupiter waiting to give them an estimate. Jupiter was thrilled to find out that David was from the U.S., excited to give him the special American pricing. They all cautiously walked through the dilapidated house, noting all of the much needed repairs. Jupiter came up with the price of $1700 (including labor and 45 trips to Home Depot Philippines). David had a little sticker shock, somehow thinking the renovation of the death trap would cost less than the average American sectional sofa, and requested to speak with Sheila in private before making any demo-day plans (Well, demo day might not be a problem….. I’m sure HIlary could work wonders in that space)

The trio then headed out to a sports bar to try and take the edge off. Sheila’s jealous side made an appearance, as she noticed David looking around the bar where there were other girls that he most likely couldn’t communicate with. He tried to reassure her that she had nothing to worry about, as Aimee sat through this nonsense. 

Sheila then asked again about David helping to finance the Extreme Home Makeover, only to be disappointed. While he was currently unable to fork over $1700 to fix up the brokedown palace, he did offer to send her money from the States little by little. Sheila looked devastated, and worried that David would think she was only with him for his money (and not his silent banana for her donut), but she also was determined not to meet the same fate as her poor mother.