Before the 90 Days; S6 Ep 9

David & Sheila:
Well, this week was a sad one…
Unfortunately the overnight stay at Sheila’s place last week ended in tragedy. It seems that her elderly mother tripped upstairs in one of the house’s many unstable areas, falling through the floor. The couple found her the next morning and were horrified, trying to process what had just happened.  David had no words….. Well, what I mean to say is that he wasn’t sure what exactly to do given the situation. He tried his best to comfort Sheila, as the translator followed along (Not expecting this to come up on her Bingo card, probably wondering if it was a bad time to mention she now gets time and a half). Mother Sheila’s casket was carried by a group of men to a chapel for the wake, where someone would need to watch over the body until the funeral to avoid bad luck (They may also want to watch out for the pack of stray dogs hanging around the chapel… That doesn’t seem like a good combo). David did his best to respect the situation and give Sheila the time she needed to grieve with her family. He felt completely out of place and was unsure of what to do.
After a few days passed, it was time for the funeral. David walked alongside Sheila, friends, family and neighbors to the final resting place. He had never experienced this type of funeral, where there were motorcycles recklessly weaving in and out of the procession of people on foot. He stood with Sheila as she cried, trying to console her the best he could without the help of the translator (So mostly just sweaty hugs)
A few hours later, Sheila went back to David’s hotel with him, as she couldn’t bear to sleep where such a traumatic event occurred. Sheila was shutting down from the grief and exhaustion, and wasn’t quite sure how to navigate mourning the loss of her mother while being jealous of a translator. David in turn worried that he was now a burden on poor Sheila, who was refraining from being affectionate, and definitely wasn’t interested in putting any bananas in any donuts. 

In all seriousness, condolences to the Family Sheila for their unexpected and traumatic loss. It sure was nice that the cameras were there to capture every minute of her poor family grieving……

Gee-Know & Jasmania:

Fresh out of therapy, Jasmo decided to take their show on the road and hit up a mall. The first stop was a jewelry store where they were picking out a birthday gift for Jasmine’s sister, Liz (Who is ready to write her own Tell All novel about the horrors she has witnessed during Gino’s two week stay). After selecting a letter “L” necklace, Jasmine perused the jewelry cases to look for another engagement ring. Apparently she had “lost” her previous engagement ring that Gino had picked out (which was pretty “feo”, Kenny), and was hoping her bonito gringo would buy her a better one. Jasmine admitted to wearing the engagement ring from her first marriage, as she liked that one better than the chunk of tin Gino popped in a box. Of course he was upset about that, knowing Jasmine would FREAK OUT if the situation was reversed, and tried to turn her attention away from buying jewelry. Jasmine then brought up the fact that she had been waiting a long time for her Visa to be approved, asking Gee-Knowitall to hire an immigration attorney. Since Gino recently found his voice, he spouted off about not needing one since this is his second time around with a K-1 Visa (His ex-wife was Brazilian, and I have so many questions for her…she and Liz should get a group book deal). The two fought loudly in the jewelry store, with Gino refusing to be bossed around and eventually left the store. Jasmine had no choice but to pay for Liz’s present, as she cried her blue contacts out (I guess that’s why she had brown eyes during all of her interviews…and looked like a completely different person).

Back at the $3000/month condo, Jasmine gave Liz her birthday present, which was well received. Unfortunately this gift came at a price, as Liz was supposed to accompany the disastrous duo on yet another doomed excursion. Though Jasmine was still stewing over their earlier fight, she tried to put everything aside to enjoy Liz’s birthday with a quadricycle bike ride. Unlike most activities, Gino seemed really into the bike, shouting out directions and waving to passers-by. Jasmine worried how Gino could have so much energy for the bike, but lacked the same stamina when it came to their bedroom activities (Making sure to ask him in front of Liz. Clearly therapy worked…) Gino argued back, which was followed by Jazmania complaining that she never enjoyed their sexy time to completion, faking it every time (Thankfully poor Liz doesn’t understand much English.……). Gino felt the night was going well, as they all zipped around in and out of traffic. Maybe they should play in traffic more often.
As the bike joy-riding came to an end, the trio decided to stop for a little ice cream. Before they could get one lick in, Gino surprised Jasmine with yet a second ugly ring, promising to do everything the counselor told them to work on (And nothing is more special than a therapy-inspired promise ring that looks like it came out of a vending machine). The two shared a cringeworthy smooch, before Gino attempted to order “helado” in Espanol (I bet you can’t even do that, Kenny). 
I can’t decide who gets the participation award this week;Sister Liz or Translator Aimee????

Statler & Dempsey:

Back on the set of “Love, Actually”…
The two awoke in Dempsey’s tiny home, with Statler feeling a bit frozen. Apparently the tiny space doesn’t have a tiny bit of heat, and Statler’s long pajamas weren’t cutting it. Dempsey felt bad and upset that Stats (is that her nickname?) was already complaining, and decided to sage the house to ward off bad vibes…..and also Statler’s nether region. As Dempsey left to get firewood, she explained the peace she finds living a quiet life in the countryside, since her upbringing was a bit chaotic. Turns out the Family Dempsey were Carnies, who traveled with fairs, moving from place to place. Her older sister tragically died when she was 16, leaving Dempsey feeling unsettled and like she couldn’t bear to travel with her family any more. She explained how the simplicity of farm life has healed her, and loves nothing more than to cook, clean and do chores (She’s welcome at Shmerica headquarters any time)
Statler, on the other hand, couldn’t stand the small space and was already beginning to question her move (that Dempsey didn’t know about). She was upset by the shipping yard next door to the house and the fact that her irritable bowels had no place to relieve themselves. 
After they warmed up a bit by the fire, Dempsey gave a tour of “Kip & Nook” (the “Staycation” farmstead where people come to relax). They met up with her best friend/boss Ben, who delved right into their personal business.The three stood around awkwardly discussing the gals’ relationship, before moving on to the topic of Dempsey’s Thailand adventure. Ben tried to make it seem like Dempsey was a bit wild and free, so Statler could segue into their next segment….

Back at the caravan… the girls were making dinner, with Statler unsure of how to use a vegetable peeler (whatever you do, don’t ask Gino! That is unless you have the proper equipment..). She then ate a clove of garlic on a dare, washing it down with a glass of red wine. Since things were going so well (minus the garlic breath), she decided to bring up Dempsey’s Thailand trip (who knew?!), questioning if Dempsey had been busy doing more than just eating pad thai. Demps was shocked by the accusation, shutting down Statler’s worries and insecurities. Not sure what else these two will get into for the rest of the season, but I sure hope Dempsey can mail me some funnel cakes and cotton candy. More carnie life, please! 

Riley (ew) & Violet:

Back in Vietnam (but not a war museum)…
Riley was once again back at his hotel, alone, after the horrible romantic dinner interrogation scene. He did seem to regret having a public outburst (as opposed to the ones he usually has over video), but did not want to take back the things he had said. He really did question Violet’s motives, and was frustrated that she never gives straight answers. Meanwhile, Violet was also feeling bad about the dinner-disaster, taking her daughter out for a little retail therapy. She explained to her daughter, Tuyet (which is the thing missing plumbing in Dempsey’s bathroom), that Riley had impressed her with his outfit (THAT, was a lie). She also told her of the way Riley had his friend ask a series of “impolite” questions, and he yelled, demanding she answer. Violet felt that even though it was Riley’s friend who was being rude, he should have been more protective of the woman he loves. Violet then explained that having a protective man was important to her, since her ex husband lacked that quality. She gave the example of when her second daughter was born,  Mother in law had a bit of gender disappointment when she saw there was another baby girl, Mother in Law Violet had a bit of gender disappointment and got a little mouthy, to which her ex husband said nothing. Apparently this adage was supposed to transfer over to the Riley nonsense, but I think something got lost in translation. 
Violet felt hurt by Riley’s inability to protect her from the lady on the phone, and sent him a long text message about how she was feeling…… that he didn’t even read before blocking her number. Production encouraged him to take a gander at the text, and his takeaway was that Violet wanted everything her way. 
Riley couldn’t stand for that, as he was far too petty (as could be seen by the flowers sitting by his bed, which he took back from the restaurant after the date went South). Both Violet and Riley were being super stubborn,  each agreeing to talk to the other person but only if the other person called first (well at least they agreed on one thing!)

Wanting to make the most of his trip, Riley hired a tour guide to show him the non-war related sights. As he clung to the back of the tiny motorcycle driver, he reflected on all of the fighting with Violet and wished things could be different. He then invited the tourguide to go out for a cigar. As he ordered drinks for his new best friend, he disclosed a bit about his troubled relationship and the abrupt ending. The tour guide (who hopefully was getting paid extra, but not as much as translator Aimee) tried to explain the cultural nuances and how Riley was actually in the wrong, urging him to apologize. Riley thanked the tour guide (who he had to pay to hang out with him), and decided to be the bigger man (although he was already the biggest man. In the whole country). I may rename these two Riot & Violence, because of the way I feel towards them. Not sure yet.

Cleo & Christian:
In another part of England…

Cleo took Christian to saunter around the Portobello market to find some mushrooms… and other flea market finds. Cleo was disappointed with their first unfortunate date and was hoping this would be an opportunity to make a better connection. They came upon a booth selling crystals, where Christian very chivalrously bought Cleo a bracelet (and hurt his hand from patting himself on the back). Christian was admitting to having to adjust to Cleo’s quirks due to her sensory issues, making sure to bring it up while the two sat down for lunch. Cleo tried to let him know that she was doing her best to make sure he had a good time, but didn’t think that should involve getting to know random women in claustrophobic bars while she sat there twirling her sunflower lanyard. Christian came back around, trying to save the mood, by making sure the rest of the trip would be about the two of them, and not just his vacation.

Back at the AirBNB, Cleo was wearing her pirate shirt while Christian was trying his hand at seduction. He poured glasses of wine, lit some candles, and was about to put on some “baby makin’ music”, which Cleo noted would be wasted on her. He then brought out a virtual reality video game, watching Cleo stagger across the living room as she annihilated zombies in an alternate reality. Since this constituted a much more romantic date, the two “cheersed” as the pressure for sexy time was on.

Christian waited suggestively on the bed for Cleo to emerge from the bathroom. She twirled around in her nighty before hopping in next to him. Cleo tried to gauge Chtistian’s level of attraction, with him dodging any physical contact at every pass, saying he wanted to take things slow. Cleo was confused, as Christian had always told her that the physical side of a relationship was so important to him, but he now seemed to be walking that right back. To the bar. To talk to more strangers….He did reach over for a goodnight peck, as they turned out the lights for yet another 50 year old married couple evening.