Before the 90- SUNDAY Season; S6, EP 8

Statler & Dempsey:

After their awkward street corner meeting, Stempsey headed back to their hotel room, complimenting each other all the while. In Between the moments of flattery there were long bouts of extreme awkward silence, mostly due to nerves, but also just personality.

Back at the hotel, Statler gave Dempsey the grand tour of the tiny hotel room before the two exchanged gifts. Dempsey went out of her way to find the perfect taxidermied bugs for her quirky US counterpart, which was very well received by the bug enthusiast herself. Statler decided on a bug theme for Dempsey’s gift as well, however it was a weird little metal bug sculpture that she probably has no use for. 

After all the gift exchanging, the lovebugs changed into their pajamas for their first real night together. Statler was a bit forward, trying to gauge the likelihood of sexy-time. Dempsey, however, felt the two needed to get to know each other better in person before she’s willing to contract a parasite (have we forgotten that Statler was sick 5 minutes ago?!)

The next morning the girls, namely Statler, were all too open about their adventures in the hotel room. Statler droned on in monotone about Dempsey’s exceptional derriere, her pH balance, and her waxer’s handiwork. Though Dempsey didn’t feel like she wanted to rush into the physical aspect of their relationship, it seemed like she gave into the monotone temptation. They had a huge room service breakfast before packing up to head back to Darlington, Dempsey’s hometown.  

Dempsey worried about what Statler would think of her “caravan” home on the farm, especially since she had been out of town for a while and hadn’t had a chance to clean… or sage the place (which she will most likely have to do afterwards). Upon arriving, Statler was impressed with the bohemian aesthetic, but immediately concerned with how tiny all of the spaces were, since she was planning on moving in unbeknownst to her Dempsey. The fact that the toilet had yet to be plumbed was also concerning, considering Statler’s bowel’s irritable state. For the most part, Stattler was more interested in seeing the bedroom than anything else. Hopefully the “pH” talk and what not will simmer down as these two start to inevitably fizzle. 

Jazmania & Gee-know:

Back from the bottom of the Panama canal….

Gino and Jasmine decided to seek couples’ therapy so Jazmine would learn how to resist making him wear cement shoes. Gino dressed rather festively in a button up shirt neatly tucked into his pants, along with his signature ill-fitting hat. They chose a therapist who keeps a lot of toys and action figures on hand to keep Gino’s attention. Jasmine opened the session by explaining the relationship, and a bit of insight to their endless fighting. Gino, who recently found his voice, wasted no time tattle-telling to the therapist about Jasmine’s verbal abuse and his opposition to Jazmine hanging out with her ex boyfriend/ neighborhood pal,”Den”. Jasmine brought up the couple’s intimacy issues, and the rejection she has felt when Gino dry heaves looking at her naked…. Something like that. I’m not sure, I was too busy boycotting potato peeling.

She further explained her abandonment issues, stemming from her father leaving when she was young. Through tears, she went on to tell the therapist that the couple has only had intercourse 7 times (which seems inconsistent, as she has said 7 times previously and then said Gino woke her up with the blue-pill-back-poke, not that I’m keeping track of such things because Ew).

The therapist tried to stop the two from going for the jugular, teaching them that revenge is not the answer. She advised Gino to stay calm when Jasmania goes into one of her Exorcist full head spins, and tried to tell JazzyJ to forget about “Den”. She did acknowledge that the couple both loved each other and wanted things to work, encouraging them to build good memories instead of only fighting and rehashing bad things. Looks like next week they try to desperately think up some fun activities to do WHILE fighting. So overall, therapy was a success….

Amanda & Razzmatazz:

Oh they’re back…. Forgot they were missing…

It was still early in the morning and Amanda was off to a great start by complaining about Razvan’s coffee pot. Razvan admitted there was still a lot more taming for the shrew, as he had envisioned things a little more hot and heavy, rather than cold and obnoxious. Amanda had been refraining from intimacy for the first few days she was in town, and now was relying on her period to help her coast through the rest of the trip. Razvan, on the other hand, was not afraid to catch the red tide, and generously offered his services. Bluntly declining, she also mentioned she didn’t care for the gift, a bikini, that he had picked out for her. At the very least, having to return the bathing suit gave them an activity. The two set off to bikini-mart so Amanda could pick out something else (even though I would bet she hates swimming, along with all bathing suits, water, and getting a haircut and/or highlights….I digress). Conveniently the saleswoman who had helped Razvan pick the rejected option was working, and seemed to know a lot of details about the couple’s relationship. Somehow as they chatted, the topic of children came up, and Razledazzle happened to mention he would like to have 3-4 mini Razberries running around. Amanda was of course on high alert, as she had discussed the kid topic early in their online courtship, making it clear that the baby factory was closed for business. She did happen to find a new bathing suit, before leaving and feeling more hesitant about the relationship than before. 

After the shopping excursion, they went back to the apartment where Amanda decided to take some time alone to call her sister. She let her sister with the shiny eyeshadow know how the trip was going, admitting that Razvan’s in-person smoulder is even better in person (even though she basically wants nothing to do with him). She then went into all of the negatives of the trip (which were really just Amanda in general), bringing up the kid topic, and on-screen makeout for the sake of his acting career. She also complained that Razvan had gotten a tourist Visa so he could come see her in the U.S. right after she returned…. Because that was apparently bad. Sister Amanda tried to calm her down, telling her to just try and relax and have fun (I’m thinking that’s going to be impossible… Jasmine mailed her one of those plugs from the first episode and she has yet to take it out). 

David & Sheila:

It was time for David and Sheila to leave the comforts of their Eco budget Red Roof Inn and head over to her family home. David had a big box wrapped in dinosaur wrapping paper containing some kind of gift for Sheila’s 12 year old son. Sheila explained the importance of her son getting to know and like David, despite the fact that the two would not be able to communicate. Speaking of communication issues… David felt it was best to hire a sign language interpreter to come with them to help translate when he finally met the Parents Sheila.

Before making the trek home, they met up with Interpreter Aimee, the sign language girl, so she could get to know them and help translate. Sheila was immediately jealous of the young girl communicating with her hunk of a man, actually breaking down in tears. Interpreter Aimee did her best to make friendly conversation with both David and Sheila (though she did tell the cameras that she was surprised Sheila hadn’t learned sign language during their 2 year relationship….especially since she learned it in a month. Nobody likes a bragger, Aimee), 

It was the moment I’ve been waiting for…. David was going to meet the parents. The new thrupple (David, Sheila and tagalog translator Aimee) piled into a cab to head to Sheila’s neck of the woods. Sheila (via Aimee) helped David pregame by warning that it’s very hot, there will be a lot of stairs, and there is a chamber pot if nature calls (which is actually a step up from peeing on the side of a random takeout place). They walked through the winding cement alleyways (featured in the movie “Taken”), smelling of feces and urine, and finally arrived at the house. David first met Sheila’s father, Simplicio (which is my new favorite name of all time) who was waiting awkwardly for them in the vestibule (Maybe his mother was Simple, but also loved Jose Feliciano. Simpliciano). Sheila and David greeted Simplicio briefly before moving on to the house tour. She showed David her alleyway open-concept shower, which was only one dying rat away from being a Big Ed and Rose situation. David had a hard time climbing the narrow stairs to meet Sheila’s mother, Remidio, who apparently also had hearing issues, since Sheila proceeded to scream in her ear as she conducted the introductions. David could not believe how bad the living conditions were, and understood why Sheila had asked for a bit of help with the roof (probably wondering why she didn’t ask for help with the rest of it).

David was most interested in meeting Sheila’s 12 year old son, Jhonreil, who finally made his appearance on the lower level. He handed Jhonreil the present wrapped in the dinosaur wrapping paper, which was a hand held pinball machine. Though J-Real (as he will most likely be called if he moves to America and starts his rap career) enjoyed the gift, he had very little to do with David, seeming surprised that he couldn’t speak. Sheila was disappointed at how peculiar her family had acted, as they had most likely never met a deaf person before (even though Sheila was partially deaf in one ear and she was screaming in her mother’s face).  It was finally time for the couple to get some sleep, so they carefully climbed the wonky staircase and put out the floor tarp bed. David was a good sport about the sleeping conditions, and now understood why Sheila was hesitant to show him where she comes from. She worried that David would doubt her intentions, thinking that she was only after him for his money. And “hand”iwork. It’s unclear if translator Aimee also slept over, but they have now included her in the interview segments, so I think this might be turning into “Sister Wives of the Philippines”. 

Riley (ew) & Violet:

Back at the dinner in the “sexy dress”….

Violet was still dodging questions asked via satellite by Riley’s friend Tiffany. She refused to acknowledge that she hadn’t deleted her dating app, even though she claimed to be in a relationship with Riage-ly. After hanging up the call with Tiffanie (which made sense in the first place on a romantic dinner for 2….), Violet continued acting shady. She didn’t seem to appreciate Riley’s line of questioning and obnoxiously abrasive behavior, threatening to leave. Being the peach that he is, Riley took her up on her offer, mocking her and telling her she was “ a waste of time”. He sat alone, stewing in his salmon colored button up shirt, shvitzing, as he probably wondered where it all went wrong. Personally I think these two were made for each other and see no problem….

Meisha Meisha Meisha!! & Kneeeeee-Colaaaaaa:

After a night of fist pumping in the club, Meisha and Kneeeecollaaaaaaa were in the car on their way to a “Catholic city”, where she was about to meet his best friend. The first stop on the Catholic tour was Nicola’s church, where they wiggled their way through dark, twisted tunnels (surprisingly also seen in the movie “Taken”. They filmed at a lot of 90 Day locatios).

They met up with Wasim, PepsiCola’s best friend who is also very religious. Though Meisha was excited to meet an important person in her wwirs boyfriend’s life, she was more enthralled with a stray kitten that she had found and loosely named “Biscuit”. Kneecola dictated all of the things they should talk about, such as the beaity of the hotel he chose, and the way that Meisha messed up the room. Wasim’s wife also joined the group, and much like this couple, and was also noticeably more attractive than her significant other…..maybe its a thing there?

Meisha was unhappy with the way headshoulderKneeCola(andtoes) was talking about her to Wasim, along with the fact that he still maintains its not important for her to meet his family.

After returning to the hotel, Meisha went to change her outfit (which she loves to do, but thia time in the bathroom) while NeeCola stayed outside on the bed, sniffing his armpits. She returned wearing a “come-hither” matching pajama set from Tar-jay, as she started a conversation about feelings. Meisha felt he hadn’t acted affectionate or proud of their relationship, and was basically an emotionless tour guide. He somewhat mocked her, sarcastically asking if she wanted more hugs, comparing his dealing with the messy hotel room to Jesus facing persecution. Unable to connect and apologize, he abruptly ended the conversation to go take a shower leaving Meisha to cry to the cameras. She gave a well rehearsed 5 minute monologue about how she was so off base about the relationship, as if the signs had been harsh to see (I guess she only sees signs when vacuuming her living room).