Before the 90 Days; S6, EP 2

Gino & Jasmine:

Back in his homeland (Canton, Michigan), Gino was “Funiculi Funicula”-ing with his Uncle Marco and cousins, making an authentic Italian cuisine. As they sat around the dinner table, the family took turns roasting Gino on his ridiculous vacation-wear before segueing to discuss his relationship with Jasmine. Uncle Marco was curious to know if Gino still planned on having Jasmine sign a prenup(nush) agreement (one of their themes from last season). Gino was of course too scared to ask the Panamaniac to sign anything, especially since she was very much against the idea the first time he brought it up. 

Meanwhile back in Panama…. 
Jasmine went out with her girlfriends for a night on the town before Gino’s big arrival. She admitted she had been stressed out, citing “lack of sex” as the primary source. The friends Jasmine all seemed concerned that Gino would be unable to keep up with her sexual prowess being that he is 18 years older. But, like any good friends would, they pulled out a brown paper bag with a big “surprise” for Jazzy-J; A set of aqua colored butt plugs. Jasmine clapped with delight, admitting that she was looking forward to bringing Gino in the backdoor, and felt this would be good practice. She was willing to do what it would take to really blow his hat back. Jasmine then moved on from the sex toys to discuss Gino’s family, and how they are absolutely not #TeamJasmine. She feels it’s important for Gino to put her in his will, since- in the event of his untimely demise most likely caused by a 5” neon pink fingernail across the throat, at least she wouldn’t have to fight with his family for her inheritance (Little does she know the big “inheritance” only includes 3000 ill-fitting baseball caps, some dirty gym socks, and empty boxes of Marie Calender’s pot pies). Her friends agreed that this was a smart move on her part, and questioned how she would fare all alone in Michigan with only Gino to rely on. Jasmine realized Michigan would be a huge change from her half naked tropical life, which was yet another reason why she felt entitled to hold the title of “beneficiary” (This will make a great episode of “Snapped”…)

Next we saw Uncle Marco driving Jeee-know to the airport, discussing he and Jasmine’s issues all the while. Gino vowed to stand up to Jasmine this visit and not be a pushover, though Uncle Marco doubted his ability to stay strong in the presence of Jasmine’s giant beach balls. Gino hid his passport down his pants, as he boarded the plane to Panama wearing his Panama Jack hat for the occasion (Do they just call it a “Jack hat” in Panama?!… just a thought).

Jasmine arrived at the airport, on cloud 9, ready to attack Gino as soon as he landed. As he awkwardly bumbled out with his rolling luggage, Jasmine screamed with joy, making sure to get as much red lipstick as possible all over his face. She led the conversation with aggressive sexual talk that already seemed to have Gino looking frightened, while she stood there- lipstick all over her face, with a big lipped maniacal smile. (I wonder if straight jackets come in leopard floral?!)

Riley & Violet:

Before Riley left for Vietnam, he wanted to have a visit with his father, Mitch, who he explained had narrowly escaped from the C-vid somewhat recently. He had introduced Violet to his dad via video chat and was glad they had gotten acquainted. Riley arrived at his dad’s house just in time for some curried goat, which is apparently Riley’s favorite meal. The two discussed the trip to meet Violet, who oddly enough had been recently contacting Riley’s father. Violet had been sending Papa Riley crazy person text messages about their relationship to manipulate him. It appeared she was trying to get Pops to take her side during the couple’s arguments and have him influence Riley.

Now further questioning Violet and her motives, Riley contacted a private investigator in Vietnam to help him get the answers about her that he doesn’t feel she’s being truthful about. With his cigar in hard, Riley explained he knew it was a little crazy to hire someone to spy on his own potential fiance, but he felt justified when the PI told him 80% of women on dating sites are lying. Clearly the key to any successful relationship begins with a private investigator. (And this is the man in charge of public safety??) This couple is doomed. And so are all of us……

Tyray & Carmella??

We picked up this week where TLC decided to do a crossover with MTV and make an episode of “Catfish”. Production told Tyray that they had contacted the fictitious “Carmella”, only to learn that she was really a man named Christian. Tyray stood in shock, trying to process everything he’d just been told, and not yet ready to hear any more evidence from the crew. Obviously embarrassed, Tyray sat on his couch telling producers that he felt blindsided. He admitted to having sent “Carmella” a little bit of money, but as the conversation progressed, messages were shown where she was asking for money constantly. Later that night, he sent a text to TheMessengerFormerlyKnownAsCarmella to ask if this was all true. He rehashed all of their conversations and scrolled through tons of obvious cam-girl type photos, still in shock that his dream girl was in fact a dream. Unable to accept the news, Tyray did not want to give up on this person he felt a connection to, hoping this was all some kind of misunderstanding.

The following day, Tyray went on a little talk ‘n walk with the production crew to go over how he’s feeling. He was having a hard time processing, so he decided to come clean to his siblings. Tyray sat down with his brother and sister at a restaurant so he could tell them about his love… and recent loss. He recounted meeting Carmella online, and arranging to meet in person in her home country of Barbados. Unfortunately for Tyray, she never showed up, ghosting him, only to resurface later on. Though he was heartbroken about being stood up, he continued talking with “Carmella” until the other day when he learned she was a Car-Fella. His brother and sister could not believe the crazy story, and did a good job of consoling him. Just to rub some salt in the wounds, production came over to play back their phone conversation with Christian, the man behind Carmella, which caused Tyray to run off crying. 
Looks like he won’t give up though, as previews show him traveling to meet Car-fella… it’ll be interesting to see if he finds Caesar along the way.

Amanda & Razvan:

Amanda was enjoying her airport layover in Paris as she prepared to board her final flight to Romania.
Then we finally got to meet Razvan, who was in the midst of unbuttoning his shirt on a livestream in a public setting. He explained his lifelong desire to be like the famous Hollywood muscle man actors, but was having a hard time finding his Hollywood Star in Romania. He explained that his supplemental income consists of livestream videos, which get a lot of female attention and generally earn him around $2000 every month. Razvan loves meeting all of his lady fans from around the world, and explained his immediate connection with Amanda.

After the intro, we saw Razvan meet up with his friend Deanna (who was basically a tattooed Romanian version of Amanda, covered in body glitter). He claimed the two had both worked and trained together and were “just friends”, though he could hardly keep a straight face. Raz told Deanna about he and Amanda’s relationship and her upcoming arrival. He explained that they would be spending three weeks together, and would then decide if he would move to the US or she would pick up and move to Romania (with the ashes. which she clearly did not discuss with her sister beforehand… ). Deanna then asked if Razvan was ready to marry AGAIN, since he was married once before- yet another new tidbit. Apparently he had married his ex wife after a month of dating, and was quickly divorced 6 months later. Clearly Razvan has learned a lot from his past, as he’s ready to hit “repeat” with Amanda. He told Deanna about Amanda’s children, as well as her late husband in the backseat. Deanna worried that Amanda wouldn’t be ready for a real relationship yet and would end up breaking Razvan’s heart…. As he stripped online for women. 

It was finally the big meet up day, as Razvan showered for the cameras, struggling to pick out the right outfit. He arrived at the airport with a weird white teddy bear in hand, very nervous as he waited. Amanda walked out, stiff with nerves, as the two hugged and had awkward first kisses. She seemed to clam up once reality set in, nervous to be together, and wanting to slowly warm up to the situation. As they drove away from the airport, Amanda stared out the window awkwardly, almost afraid to glance in Razvan’s direction. They finally reached his apartment, where he gave her a quick tour before stopping to video chat with her kids, who were concerned with their mother’s sleeping arrangements. Amanda felt it was surreal being in the apartment that she always sees during the video chats, as she showered in the famous shower seen by the masses during livestream. She scolded Razvan for taking up too maaach of his own counter space in his bathroom and not considering her products’ needs. It seemed like her standoffish comments were meant to be playful and sarcastic, though her delivery didn’t make it. Amanda came across as very guarded and weirded out, as she almost pretended that she didn’t want to have anything to do with Razvan. She explained that being far from her kids weighed heavily on her, as well as being with another man so soon, and commented that she would not be sleeping with Razvan on the first night (At least that’s what she said BEFORE seeing him in those tightie whities. Let’s see how long she’s able to resist…) 

David & Sheila:

David was super excited that it was finally time to head to the Philippines to meet his girlfriend, Sheila (who’s legs hopefully aren’t hairy and whose breath hopefully doesn’t stink. Been there. Done that). His friend Carlos drove him to the airport and asked questions about the relationship along the way. This would seem like a normal 90 Day airport drive, but Carlos- who was also deaf, was signing, making the conversation that much more dangerous. David said he was more excited than he’s ever been in his life, though willing to cut his losses in the off chance things didn’t work out as he had planned (or… he died on the way to the airport). Carlos, the model friend, offered to come get him if anything bad should happen. He worried about David traveling alone so far away, and how he would communicate with Sheila since she is sign language illiterate. 
David pushed forward, making his way through the busy airport and eventually boarded the plane. He seemed to be enjoying his gourmet airplane dinner, as he continued happily on his layover flight, excited to meet Sheila.

But while he was traveling, we finally got to meet Sheila and her 12 year old son, Jhonreil. They appear to live in a city similar to Rose (of Big Ed ex affiliation), and share a house with her parents, Simplicio and Remedio (my new favorite names). The house had been ravaged by a fire and typhoon, so it’s basically now a treehouse with a bucket for a toilet. Sheila showed how she gets water in a bucket from a pump and carries it to the house, since they don’t have running water and scarce electricity. The Parents Sheila were hoping that David could pay to rebuild their house, though Sheila did not want to push him. She was thankful enough that David had been supporting them since she lost her job as a cotton candy saleswoman (Not as easy of a job as you think… you get really sticky). 
Sheila went over to the market to shop with her friends, Salem and Mars (clearly this segment has the best names), as they looked for the perfect dress for David’s arrival. Salemwitchtrial and Mars-bar asked Sheila about her relationship, and if she was nervous about not being able to communicate. Sheila did seem a bit concerned, but excited, as she said the two were madly in love. She admitted that they video chat often, and she has even seen his “eggplant emoji”, as David is apparently always raring to go. Salem & Mars pointed out that Sheila is a very jealous person, but she reassured them that she and David had figured out a way to avoid any jealousy issues- they planned to go through each other’s phones. 
I’m not sure how things are going to go with these two crazy lovebirds, but all I know is if there is any eggplant emoji action, I hope Simplicio and Remedio take THEIR hearing aids out.