The Other Way; S4 EP 5

Nicole & Soo MaaachMood:

It was the morning after her big arrival and Nicole was already starting to have buyer’s remorse. She squeegeed the entire bathroom floor, post-shower, while explaining to the cameraman (who was apparently also in the bathroom….Talk about “Haram”) that it generally takes a very long time to make oneself look like the perfect mannequin. Unfortunately she now has a gaggle of roommate-in-laws to consider, and cried herself silly thinking about cutting her routine down in half (Luckily she still had the squeegee to sop up the tears). The lack of privacy and personal space made Nicole question if moving to Egypt was the right decision, especially since she was soo maaach fighting with Soo Macch-Mood over their cultural differences. MaaachMood tried to calm down his stick-figure bride, all while MamaMachmood looked on from the living room, 3 feet away. 

After wasting half of the day playing with the squeegee, Nicole was finally ready to head out with MaaachMood to sightsee around her new hometown. She spotted a quaint little restaurant/cafe with a beautiful view of the dirty street for the two to sit down and chat. Maaachmood explained that there are a lot of cafes in town that are part of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club (which also applies to mannequins). The whole “boys club” thing didn’t seem to compute with Nicoleobot 3000, who insisted on taking a seat at the establishment with the random Santa Claus sign. She told Machmood that she really wanted to make friends this go around in Egypt, and suggested they go on a double date with his buddies so she could meet some of their wives. Maaachmood tried explaining that it is not customary to introduce wives to friends (which makes the Egyptian episodes of “Maury Povich” soo maaach boring). Nevertheless, Nicole pushed for a friend-meeting to happen, and was finally granted her wish. 

All of the male friends Machmood showed up to meet their pal’s imported bride, leaving their wives conveniently at home. They sat awkwardly around the table at the restaurant, annoyed as the couple was over an hour late (someone better take that squeegee away from Nicole…). . Unsure of how to act in this unusual situation, most of the guys played Candy Crush on their phones or stared blankly at the condiments. Nicole asked a few pointless icebreaker questions as Maaachmood-ring squirmed in his seat. After about 5 minutes it seemed the big meet and greet was over, and all of the male parties were relieved. Machmood worried that Nicole was getting that freaked out look on her face again, doubting her big move to Egypt.  Hopefully the guys got a free meal out of the deal…

Debbie & Oussama (Not Bin Laden):

Debbie and her good hair were packing all 75 bags of jewelry as she got ready for her big move to Morocco, despite her son’s concerns. As they rode on to the airport her son, Julian, continued to express his doubts, while her daughter Sandy phoned in to try and plead that her mother change her mind. Unfortunately for the kids, Debbie had coined herself “Determined Debbie”, and proudly rode on towards her next adventure (She took a page from the Mother Asuelu handbook and said “I don’t care about the kids”)
Meanwhile, in Morocco…..
We finally got to meet Oussama, who hails from Khemisset (a self-described purgatory). It seems he hasn’t made a ton of friends locally, that is…. If you don’t count the 300 stray cats he feeds and talks to. As Debbie previously mentioned, Oussama is a “farm person”, and slings cow feed with Father Oussama (who looked extremely fashionable in his “Urban Sombrero”). O-Som explained his feelings of sadness and loneliness, which he expressed through his artwork and poetry that Debbie initially found attractive. He read some samples aloud, inspired by his true-love, as he explained his lack of concern for the couple’s 40+ year age gap. I for one am excited to watch this love story unfold. 

Rishi & Jen:

After their big fight at the fabulous fabric store last week, Jen appeared to have settled down. She agreed to meet the Family Rishi, and was pleased when Rishi appeared the next day bringing a sophisticated and understated Indian outfit choice for her to wear for the occasion (I would have tried to blind them with sequins as to detract from the crazy-eyes, but that’s just me…). Rishi tried explaining the true story about his family and the arranged marriage proposals, claiming that if his family did not accept Jen, he would still choose to be with her (I’m having some “DejaVu-Meet” over here…..). Rishi asked his best friend Sanjeet to accompany them to the family meeting, feeling like his presence would soften the blow. 
Sanjeet was honest with Jen, letting her know this whole “bring the random American lady home as a ‘friend’” thing was a dumb idea, especially since the Family Rishi have already been looking to find him a bride. Rishi listened to his friend, giving his best model face all the while as he scrambled to make Jen see that his plan might just work ( Let it be known that Rishi has mastered the “Smize”…Tyra would be so proud). 
Back at the Family Rishi’s House, Jen nervously greeted the entire clan, as she made her way into the home. She cut to the chase, wasting no time to ask about the Indian Jesus’s matchmaking progress. Uncle Rishi explained that though his nephew was a very hot prospect, there didn’t seem to be any matches for him lately, since most of the girls around town were either short or uneducated. Jen smirked her dead-eyed smile, feeling that she excelled in both of those categories, and inquired if a different religious background would be an issue. Mother Rishi seemed open and accepting of other beliefs, but was starting to feel hopeless since she had been on a quest to match him for the last 2 years. 
Hearing about this lengthy time frame made Jen’s ears perk up, as the two had been secretly engaged for the same amount of time. She tried to maintain her composure, upset by the fact that she had secretly been dating Jaipur’s most eligible bachelor. (The only way Rishi can get out of this situation is by having 8+ diarrheas, stat.) 

Kris & Jeymi:

After scoring some painkillers last week, Kris was feeling pretty good about her new life plan, and it was time for the two to explore the city. The ladies relied a bit on a translator device (supplied exclusively by Jihoon of course), as their in-person communication was a little rocky. Kris used the translator to ask Jeymi to take her to make yet another questionable purchase; A weapon, as production showed a montage of her prison shiv collection back home in Alabama. Jeymi seemed nervous to learn that her new girlfriend was basically a cartel member between the drugs and the weapons, but obliged her request anyway.
Once the two arrived at “Weapons R Us” Kris seemed to be enjoying her time testing the wares, as she danced around wielding a knife like the lovechild of Michael Meyers and Aria Stark. Jeymi seemed stunned as she looked on, uncomfortable with Kris’s new toy (especially because of the aforementioned night terrors). Nevertheless, she agreed to let her bride-to-be purchase the weapon, and looked forward to heading over to the machine gun store next….Because…”Narcos”-lepsy…

Daniele & Yohan:

Returning from last week’s hiatus were Daniele and Yohan (who apparently haven’t “died of Dysentery”, ala “Oregon Trail” after eating food from the family butcher shop). Yohan lugged Daniele’s purse around (which may or may not have contained 70 lbs of manifestation crystals) as they went to meet up with her friend Sophy, who was in town from New York. Sophy was immediately impressed with Yohan’s extreme height, but didn’t let his looming shadow cloud her ability to ask him the tough questions. She dug right in, asking about his age, and plans for family planning. Yohan revealed that though he has no children, he has “slipped a few past the goalie”, though the women decided to terminate. This was big news to Daniele, as he had previously told her that his ex-girlfriend had gotten pregnant and miscarried. She started to wonder what other stories Yohan was sugarcoating, but decided to put that fight on the backburner since they had another activity to do for filming. 
Danielle insisted the two go to the local “botanica”, which is a store that sells manifestation accessories, etc. Danielle wanted to pick up some incense and candles to help Yohan’s butchershop be prosperous and pay for at least half the rent (The candles might also help the smell, or scare away the flies, so a win-win). Yohan did not enjoy the shopping venture, claiming to respect Daniele’s kooky rituals even though he doesn’t accept them.
On the ride home from the shop, Daniele decided to bring up the whole “pregnancy” situation from Yohan’s past, demanding that she always knows the whole truth. Yohan rolled his eyes pretty hard, feeling fed up with all of Daniele’s many requests and mood swings. When they arrived at his family’s house, they went out back to continue fighting amidst the broken washing machines and scrap metal. Yohan looked extremely bored, picking his nails, as he let Daniele lecture him on the importance of trust. She cried, trying to evoke some kind of emotion from the Dominican giant, insisting that he become a different person instead of the looming expressionless lug that he undoubtedly was since they met. Maybe she should just manifest it..

Gabe & Isabel:

Apparently Gabe’s “pre-packaged” underwear business is booming, despite his lack of inventory. He had brought Isabel into the mix, which meant leaving her job at a law firm to source more materials for the underwear biz. Isabel couldn’t handle Gabe’s high strung anxiety attacks as they roamed the Colombian Marketplace looking for supplies. Gabe was feeling the pressure and stress of moving his business to a new country where he didn’t understand the measurement conversions, money, and availability to source fake Salchichas (that’s “weiners”, Kenny.. Not sure if you know that one, but not sure that you don’t). Isabel tried her best to do everything for the family business despite Gabe’s panic mode, as her silky Pantone commercial-esque hair swayed while she walked. 

Looks like next week Gabe has a surgery consultation, but unsure of what exactly it was for. Maybe they can also meet up with Kris and Jeymi, since they are in the neighborhood….though it would really be a snoozefest, because…..narcolepsy.