The Other Way; S4, EP 3

Nicole & MACHmood:

It was finally time for Nicole to pack up her crummy apartment so she could head to Egypt for the second time. Her parents were enlisted all the way from Idaho to help her make the move. It was clear to see where Nicole got all of her fashion sense from, once her father appeared onscreen in his vintage grizzly bear tee paired nicely with his Bugle Boy jeans from Balenciaga’s 1995 Fall Wilderness collection. As they packed, Nicole discussed the move and revealed her conversion to the Muslim faith (or “Muslin” faith, as her father said, but that’s only because he clearly has fashion on his mind). The whole “new religion” thing seemed to be a shock to the Parents Nicole, as they didn’t really see their daughter following anything with strict rules. Nicole admitted her new life would be a bit of a struggle, since she does not have any plans on letting anyone tell her how to dress, and refuses to wear a hijab (She could talk to Shy-duh, though… she does make the hijab look better than any of Nicole’s strange old-timey cab driver hats).

Meanwhile, in Egypt….
We got to meet SO MaaaachMood at his fabric shop, where he sells both cheap and expensive options at bargain prices. He explained his love for his waif-wife, despite their unyielding differences, primarily in clothing options. MACHmood met up with his two older brothers at the Mosque to discuss Nicole’s pending arrival. He asked for their guidance on how to tame the wild mannequin, being that she refuses to abide by their religious requirements and cultural norms. MaaachMood’s brother with the bad teeth recanted the story of his wife from China’s struggle to adjust to his culture, but ultimately gave up everything in the name of love (and halitosis). 
Later on we saw Machmoody being driven to the airport by his friend Ibriham (since he doesn’t drive), as he went to retrieve Nicole . He decided to go the ole’ “Coltee” route and not bring flowers, as he waited inside the airport, looking for any sign of one of those “Big Eyed Girl” paintings that had come to life.
Nicole emerged with a mountain of luggage, as the two awkwardly hugged hello. Nicole continuously kept asking what was “right” and” wrong” to do in public, as if she hadn’t already lived in Egypt for 2 months, or bothered to research any of the cultural norms on her own. MACHmood was happy to see she had brought so maaaach stuff with her on this trip, which to him meant that she must be planning on staying this time. As they headed out to the car with her may suitcases full of high neck tops and weird bell bottoms, Machmoud already made a fashion suggestion; He asked Nicole to button her blazer as to cover her crotchel-region. Nicole’s doll eyes widened and she instantly became annoyed as the fashion advice started in the first five minutes. I think the theme for them this season will be “Fashion Over Function(al relationships)”.

Gabe & Isabelle:

It was finally time for Gabe to leave Floriduh to start his new life in Colombia. His sister drove him to the airport, grilling him on his reservations about the relationship and move. She worries that her happy-go-lucky brother will be taken advantage of, and that they will lose their close knit relationship. Gabe reassured her that this new Colombian venture was all for the best, as he pushed forward- all smiles, towards the airport. 
Meanwhile, back in (non-Bucamramunga) Colombia…..
Isabelle was having lunch with her two gay besties at a kitschy restaurant with fun decorations, discussing Gabe’s upcoming appearance. She felt comfortable talking about her relationship with these specific friends, since they were the ones to introduce the couple and were a part of Gabe’s community themselves. She explained the current dilemma (their storyline) of debating whether or not to tell her parents that Gabe is trans. Gabe wants to be loud and proud about it, while Isabelle feels like they can skip the subject altogether, as she thinks her dad might be a hard sell. But Isabelle’s father isn’t the only one who would have a lot of questions… It seems like even though the couple had lived and spent time together, Isabelle still had a lot of technical questions for Gabe herself that she felt embarrassed to ask (Isabelle, this is why people have an “Alexa”…). I don’t really see any other storyline other than the Parents Isabelle approval, but hopefully they’ll be fun, if nothing else. 

Kris & Jeymi:

Kris finally landed in Colombia, wearing yet another award winning outfit. She made a pit stop to the bathroom to do the traditional 90 Day Darcey perfume-shower, before heading out to start her new life. Kris was absolutely giddy as she ran to meet Jeymi waiting anxiously on the other side. Though they were both nervous, as this would be their first time meeting in person, they still seemed excited and comfortable enough to have a romantic lip-lock at the baggage claim. Kris coined this moment as “her dreams coming true” (though she may have thought she was dreaming, because she might have fallen asleep randomly while it was happening…..because Narcolepsy).
Next the lady lovebirds got into a cab to head off towards their new home. Jeymi had rented a new apartment with an “American kitchen” as per Kris’s request (should she be using an oven??? Didn’t her previous house burn down?? So many questions…)
Kris nervously entered the apartment but was pleasantly surprised to find the place full of welcoming balloons (though lacking furniture). The only furnishing was the bed, which was adorned with boob themed pillows, to drive home the point that the inhabitants are “team boob”. But before the two could cozy-up, Kris set the mood by letting Jeymi know she should prepare for war. Apparently part of her Narcolepsy involves involuntary kicking and punching in her sleep (Jeymi better watch out, she might get smothered with a boob pillow!) The two then took turns surprising each other by slipping into unflattering lingerie, before moving over to the bed to create the worst low rank Cinamax movie ever made. I think that’s all that happened… but I must’ve fallen asleep (and yes, I do plan on ending all of their segment’s recaps with that line….because Narcolepsy).

Daniele & Yohan:

After last episode’s disastrous butcher shop scene, Daniele sat down with Yohan to lightly apologize over a shared cup of beer. She did seem to feel remorseful for acting so negatively towards his failing business model and fly-ridden carcasses. Though she apologized, Daniele managed to lace her apology with an ultimatum; He would have to close the business if it wasn’t making money in 6 months. Yohan explained that the butcher-bizz gave him autonomy, as he likes to be his own boss (something he should have realized would no longer be an option once married to Daniele). While she, more than anyone, appreciated the need to be a “free spirit”, she also forced him to agree to set a timeframe in which he had a chance to make money, or close up “E Coli R’ Us” for good. Daniele feared that she’d be the one financially supporting them forever (Sounds like someone needs to “positively manifest” a little harder). 

After their “business meeting”, the two headed out to go apartment shopping. The entire car ride consisted of Daniele spouting off about her list of “non negotiables”; Two bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, air conditioning, a washer/dryer, dishwasher, big living room, and a terrace with a view. As it should turn out, her dream DR apartment came in at a NY price of $2000/month. Yohan planned on contributing a lot of pesos towards the rent (well, it sounded like a lot, but ended up being around $90). Daniele laughed off his offer, and instead asked that he’d be willing to cook and clean in lieu of his financial contribution (At least he can bring home free meat….. Flies optional). The two argued back and forth over their household roles, before deciding they would look at a less expensive option. I’m going to manifest these two end mid-season.

Jen & Rishi:

Jen has finally left the farm life behind, with her mother’s 1970’s wedding gown in tow, ready to start living her best Bollywood life. Her family tried to talk sense into her as they rode towards the airport, mentioning a few “what if” scenarios that are likely to soon become her reality. Jen tried to assure her family that she’s got this, and looks forward to becoming Mrs.Indian Jesus, despite the fact that she’s never met any member of Rishi’s family (Welcome to the “red flag parade”, Jen. Here is your VIP pass…)
After flying across the world, she finally landed in India, claiming :”the air just smells different” (and I’m thinking that’s due to some spices and stray cows wandering around the streets…). She had to spend the night in Delhi before traveling an additional 6 hours to Rishi’s hometown, and even longer travel back down to Earth. 
Meanwhile, in Jaipur…..
Indian Jesus was sitting down for family dinner with Mary and his disciples, as they discussed his future. He lives in a multi-family house with 5 people, and his mom seems eager for him to bag a wife so she can become a roti-making retiree. Rishi conveniently did not mention Jen’s existence or pending arrival to his family, as he feared they would disapprove. Between the age difference,culture and language barrier, he knew Jen would never be able to handle the communal living situation. Mother Rishi was already showing him the “bio data” (thank you, “Indian Matchmaking” on Netflix for giving me so much knowledge on this subject) to arrange for him to meet a potential match from a nearby village. She also mentioned something about wanting grandchildren, which will clearly be another “toting” fiasco waiting to happen. I’m feeling a Jenny/Stewmeat reboot is coming our way,…

Debbie & Osama:

Well they finally let us meet the mystery woman from the previews. Debbie, a 67 year old woman from Sugar Hill, Georgia, is a fun loving eccentric woman living her best life making jewelry and art. We first saw Debbie trotting around the local antique mall (a girl after my own heart), really trying to accentuate her free-spirited personality.
As she painted one of her masterpieces in the kitchen, she discussed her rocky lovelife, which included two failed marriages that ended like a true country song. After her second divorce she took some time to go soul searching and swore off men for a solid 12 years. Debbie channeled all of her pain and hardship into her art, which she proudly displayed on social media. It was there that her art got the attention of fellow artist, Osama, a 24 year old man from Morocco (the home of Azan). After an online exchange, the two struck up a casual long distance relationship before deciding to meet 6 months later. She flew to Morocco where she and Osama began their true love story, ending in a surprise proposal. 
But clearly not everyone believes in this fairytale romance… Debbie’s son Julian (who happens to be a police officer) is less than thrilled at his mother’s prospective husband. He questioned Osama’s motives, as Deb sat on the couch, fanning herself, and defending her love. She tried explaining to Julian that she is not being catfished, and is in fact in love with her 24 year old scraggle-toothed counterpart, but he remained unconvinced. Debbie explained that Osama had never asked for money (even when he was on the “Most Wanted” list), and loved her for her free spirit. 
My first impressions of Debbie; She has GREAT hair, fun glasses, and will hopefully be making a nice little addition to the collection of crazies we’ve come to know. My first impressions of Osama… Invisalign.