HEA; S7, EP 9

Yovi:

Jovi was finally “3 weeks off” so the couple was ready to head to Europe. Misses Gween was there to take the family of 3 to the airport, confessing that she’s still worried about their safety. Even more worrisome is the thought that Yara may want to move back to be with her friends and family. 
Yara did most of the Mylah wrangling on the long flight over to Prague, while Jovi slept peacefully, dreaming of gumbo and strippers. They finally arrived and were greeted at the airport by Mother Yara, who was extremely emotional seeing her daughter for the first time in 2 ½ years. It was also her first time meeting baby Mylahinshka in person, and she was quick to note her resemblance to Jovi (because they’re basically twins.. Let’s just hope she’s not a thumb sucker like dada). 
Once at the hotel,they all had a chance to settle in from the long voyage. Jovi sat with Yara and Mother Yara, who were making Jovi feel super uncomfortable by chit chatting about him in their native tongue. They loosely joked about Yara’s mom coming to be Mylah’s nanny in the U.S., or better yet… Prague, should she choose to stay. Yara admitted that she’d love to stick around for awhile, wanting to be there when the war ended so she could possibly help (help doing what, I’m not sure…. Maybe a round of lip filler and last season’s designer handbags for all Ukranians? Food and shelter are overrated anyway….).

Kimbally & International Supalocal Talent Sojaboy:

The tension was palpable, as Kim was still sitting in the living room of Sojamom, who at this point was probably regretting having even bothered to take the plastic slipcovers off of the good sofas. Kim tried her best to convince the family that she’s not full of bull (she only bought one, because she has the purest intentions of getting the yammy). The Family Usman wasn’t buying it, and were still obviously traumatized from their last encounter with Usman’s previous love interest. Sojamom had no intention on giving her blessing for the ridiculous union, but instead offered a compromise; Her son could marry his elder-bride if he first marries a young, fertile Housa woman with whom he can reproduce with. Of course this new pecking order was not going to fly with Kimbally, who wanted to be the Alpha wife (though that would make her the “Meri” instead of the “Robyn”… guess she didn’t think that one through). Sojamom was so completely over her son’s foolery, that she faked diarrhea and left the room (Okay, maybe she just said “enough is enough”, but she DID get up and leave. One diarrhea wouldn’t have been enough of an excuse to leave the room anyway, according to the leading authority on the matter- Mother Smitt, who should start a support group for mothers whose young sons have a “Golden Girls” fetish. )
Kim and Usman looked distraught as they got up and left the compound, unsure of what this rejection meant for the future of their relationship.Kim was a mixture of angry and upset during the cab ride home, even though Usman assured her she would receive a double yamming that evening (hold on to your belly buttons!)
Back at the hotel room, he tried his hardest to reiterate his love for her, and figured he could just marry Kimbally second. Kim of course refused to play second fiddle to some hot young reproductively advanced competitor. Sojaboy decided he would request a second meeting with his mother, hoping that she might be in a better mood at a later date, with a full belly of bribery bull. 
The next morning, the two were outside of the hotel having coffee, while Usman had a local man-attendant give him a mani/pedi while they discussed the “blessing situation” (unfortunately it wasn’t Caesar).  Usman tried to encourage Kimbally to consider being the second wife, dodging her ultimatums of “first wife or bust”. He explained that SHE would be the one missing out if they broke up, being that he is in fact an international supadupastar and his inbox is flooded with young, beautiful, rich, women full of eggs who would give anything to be with him. Kim left the table in tears, saying she would not be attending any more family pow-wows for the rest of the day. While she was busy crying over his comments, Usman sat unbothered at the hotel table, eating rice out of some fancy orange pots. Will Kimbally stand her ground? I’m going with no….. Her entire wardrobe is Sojaboy-centric. She’s in it to win it. 

Big Ed & Regular Size Liz:

The next night after the big fight, Liz was crying in an Uber, explaining to an unknown source Ed’s jealousy over a female friend she invited to their engagement party. She decided to go on a scavenger hunt to look for the discarded $13,000 engagement ring so she could return it to the Mucinex blob, despite his announcement that their engagement was officially Mother Debbie Done. As luck would have it, she remembered the exact bush where she had flung the ring, and had little to no trouble finding it by light of her phone’s flashlight app. Liz then met up with her busty friend “Tawny” on a sidewalk bench to cry and rehash her situation. Tawny (who seemed as drunk as Liz had been in the previous episode) urged her to use an expectorant on her relationship. Liz continued to cry, complaining that Ed was insecure and refused to treat her as an equal Mucinex blob-ette.

Somehow, Liz wound up back at Ed’s house, in bed with the covers pulled up to her chest. Ed tried to re-explain where he was coming from the night of the engagement party. He claimed that during one of their 9 breakups, Liz had suggested she might take up dating women, as Ed had turned her off to men entirely. When he saw her in an emotional argument at the party with a lesbian friend, he immediately concluded that something suspicious had been going on between the two. Ed had previously asked Liz not to invite this particular friend, feelin that she was toxic (a subject he knows a lot about), throwing in her face how he had chosen her over both his sweet tiny mother and daughter (obviously a wise decision). He then accused Liz of having a drinking problem, as the two continued to argue about who was worse. The end result was Ed leaving his own house, admitting that he rushed the engagement and regretted the couples’ hasty reunion since he was in a vulnerable state after his dog Teddy’s death. In conclusion, they are perfect for each other. 

B-Lull & Shy-duh:

Back at the Oasis of Sophistication…
It was bright and early and both Bilal and Shy-duh were up and at’em for prayer time in honor of Ramadan. B-lull explained the meaning of the holiday as well as some of the traditions, which luckily for him, includes “no relations with spouses” (He probably added that one in there, explaining that this was unique to the US). As Shy-shy was aggressively food-prepping, she explained to production that she planned to go over Bilal’s head  and right to his mom and sister to try and add a little pressure to the baby making timeline.
The couple sat down to break Ramadan fast with Bilal’s family, who eagerly inquired what the couple had next on their agenda, post wedding. They loosely brought up the topic of baby-making, with Sister Bilal chiming in to remark how she had her first baby at age 43 (one point, Bilal).
Shyduh took the ladies of the crew aside for more in depth discussion about her fertility issues, as well as the couple’s timeline conflict. Mother Bilal reiterated the fact that they needed to sit down and iron out the reproductive issues, or things were about to get much more boring and annoying than ever (Ok, I said that. Because it’s inevitable). 

Jenny & Someitch:

Back at their filthy house, Jenny and Sumcrap were unpacking from Kama Sutra-fest 2022. Sunflea explained to his ancient bride that he was going to attempt to suck up to his parents (because we’re back to that storyline already). Jenny didn’t necessarily agree with the outing, but appeased her younger counterpart probably because she felt bad for destroying his bellybutton last week
TrickorTreatSmellMySmeet sat down with his brother, sister in law, and Aunt to beat the dead horse of a topic. He was disappointed that his parents declined his lunch invitation, sending his Aunt as the go-between. She immediately updated her nephew on his mother’s status after finding out about his secret nuptials, which she described as “Looking drunk or high all the time” (and honestly, if I have to listen to this storyline for much longer, I’ll be looking the same way).  
Aunt Smitt blamed her dimwitted nephew for the extent of the family rift, claiming the two should never have married due to their age gap. Of course they are all upset in a “Sojamom” way that the prospect of children is definitely off the table, being that Jenny is way beyond toting age. Stewmeat offered to look for an alternative way to have a child, if it meant that his parents would take him back into their good graces and that his mom would stop looking like she was an extra in “Breaking Bad”. He thought he could possibly adopt a baby, or ya know just rent one, for the rare occasions his parents came to visit. He admitted that he and Jenny had never even discussed the topic of children, though he seemed to feel confident making this promise to his Aunt despite not hearing any of Jenny’s input (Hopefully if Jenny lets him adopt a child, he will let her get a vacuum cleaner… it’s all about compromise). 
Back at the filthy abode, Jenny inquired about the afternoon’s outing. Sume filled her in on his parents’ absence as well as their chosen representatives. Jenny seemed to be so over the entire situation, and proposed the two should cut their losses and move to the U.S. where they could take up Mah Jong and shuffleboard. SumCreep made it clear that he had no intention of leaving India, and wanted to fulfill his goal of reuniting with his parents. All I know is they’d better bring Mother Smee back fast, as this story is tanking without her.

Angela & Mykall?:

Angela and Mykal were finishing up their restaurant warfare from last week. Angela stomped off to have a cigarette, crying over what to do next. Mykal convinced his ponytailed powerhouse to sit down and attempt a civil conversation. Angela was irate over the fact that Mykal refused to remove himself from social media, accusing him of blocking her online so he could flirt with women. He insisted he had started his Instagram account in an attempt to become a financially successful influencer, since the Bank of Angela had cut him off. He also noted that the queen herself had been doing some questionable duet videos online with Billy- the Canadian former Chip N Dale, which he did not exactly approve of. Angela confessed that in the beginning, she started chatting with Billy as a way to get Mykall’s attention, since he seemed a lot less interested in seeing all of her deflated private areas since her weight loss surgery. She was disappointed that Mykal didn’t have much of a reaction, which of course equated to “he must be cheating”. She let Mykal know that his Visa was getting to the point of approval, FINALLY, but she was advised by Lawyer Lew to pull it if she had any doubts. Mykal’s ears perked up at the sound of the word “Visa”, though he seemed to be coming to the realization that life under Angela’s iron acrylic nailed fists in America may not be better after all.