HEA; S7, EP 7

B-Lull & Shy-duh:

Shy-duh was getting driving lessons from Bilal, which went exactly as one would expect; He nagged about her driving skills, man-splained often, and eventually went into one of his passive-aggressive pouty tantrums. 
And since she’s always having such a great time with Mr. Personality, Shy-duh is still on a quest to replicate him by way of spawning his baby. They went on a zoom chat with the creepy fertility doctor from last week to review the results of her blood work. Hormonally speaking, things seem to be on the up and up for Shyduh, though the verdict of how “totable” her eggs are still remains to be seen. The doctor then went into therapist mode, asking if the couple had come to a conclusion on the timing of trying to conceive. Bilal immediately shot down any hope of trying to procreate in the foreseeable future, stating that he and Shyduh are currently not having any “love without a glove” (and he’d be wise to keep the box of contraceptives locked up until needed, so Shyduh isn’t secretly poking holes in them with her hijab pins she leaves in the couch). Things got awkward, as they tend to do with these two, as Bile described his new wife as “emotional” and worried that if things with their relationship didn’t work out and she left, it would only be more complicated with a child. Meanwhile, the doctor just sat there, wondering if anyone else was enjoying the “Dahmer” series on Netflix as much as he was….
Back at the Oasis of Sophistication…. Shyduh was whipping up her delicious salad dinner, making sure to eat healthy for the sake of her remaining few eggs. She brought up making that “Pros and Cons” chart that the creeper doctor had suggested in regards to waiting vs rushing into making Baby Shylal. One of Shy-duh’s top reasons in the “Pro” column was that she had heard being a mother “makes you a better person”…which of course can be verified by Meemaw, Mother Debbie, Mother Smee, Joan Crawford, etc.
Bilal ran right to the CON column, listing the stress level produced by babies, and their constant pooping, which really riles up his OCD. He then reiterated the fact that Shy-duh has already threatened to leave him when the going had gotten tough (so like… every episode), and that alone seemed to be cause for his concern (besides that pesky vasectomy I’m convinced he’s hiding…). Bilal also worried about the financial burdens having another child would bring, which was most likely due to all of the money they would need to spend on the poor kid’s therapy. Poor unborn baby Shylal…

Elizabeth & Undrrrrrrei:

Undrrrrei left the ladies in his life to head to the immigration lawyer to discuss the renewal of his green card. The lawyer informed the Moldy-man that his status was not simply renewed and instead being investigated, possibly due to a past arrest record in the Moldy-O (Ya know, the storyline from 4 seasons ago…) The lawyer also suspected that a random “enemy” may have reported him, which would be another possible reason for an investigation. 
Undrrrrei raced home to tell Libby about his immigration drama, and discuss each other’s “fots”. He relayed the current suspicions that the Family Libby may be buzzing in immigration’s ear, in hopes of getting him deported. Libby did not believe her family was capable of such insanity, conveniently forgetting all 45 of their previous seasons. Basically, they were a big yawn this week, and I didn’t even get to hear the pleasure of Brother Charlie pronouncing “MAL-DOVE-UH”.

Jenny & Stewmeat:

Back at the newlywed loveranch, The couple briefly took a break from their “headboard tapping” so Jenny could go outside to video chat her daughter, Christina. Jenny told her daughter she was going to try to make a visit home to California with her cabana-boy in tow, now that they would be eligible to file for a spousal visa. Christina was thrilled at the prospect of seeing her mom, and shared the exciting news that she was going to make a trip out to India to visit Mr. & Mrs. Steamheat. The mood was light and fun until everyone’s stomachs turned, as Jenny brought up Somefeet’s proposition of attending the Kama Sutra yoga class. Though nauseated, I’m sure, Daughter Christina tried to laugh it off and encouraged her mother to participate in the name of “trying something new”.
Next we saw Jenny and Swami take in the sights of the area, stopping to rest Jenny’s Dr. Scholls, as they discussed her daughter’s upcoming visit. Step-pappy Slumpheap seemed excited for the visit as well, especially since he now had a new child older than himself. They quickly moved on to the topic of the Kama Sutra class, with Jenny nervously wondering why her boy-toy would want to spice things up in the craftmatic adjustable bedroom department.
She agreed to try it out for the sake of being “spontaneous” and have the kids think she’s hip, but at the first sign of “hip” replacement, she would call it quits.
The two entered the class area, immediately standing apart from the crowd. The teacher looked them over (probably ready to review his insurance policy in case Jenny got hurt), and noted that he had never seen a couple with such a large age gap before. Jenny was a real team player, as she laughed nervously while assuming the suggestive yoga positions and joined along with the awkward chanting. She was especially fond of the position “Cowgirl Helper ”, commenting that she would try that one at home while wearing a hat (Followed by the “Hamburger Helper”, which has a less obvious outfit choice and a very different position I don’t want to talk about). Though it was slightly amusing to watch Jenny struggle with both the awkwardness and physical limitations during her “classwork”, I will give her an A for effort (though I’m pretty sure I would have preferred to watch 15 minutes of nasal flossing). After the lesson commenced, she admitted that she would probably only incorporate the Cowgirl Helper into their marital rituals, followed by the traditional Bengay rubdown, a Breathe-Right strip, and bed. 

Big Ed & Regular Sized Liz:

Liz was having her makeup done for her and Ed’s engagement party, and discussing the upcoming event with a friend. She seemed excited to be taking this first step towards actually getting married, feeling optimistic for at least five minutes. 
Ed was on his way to pick up his outfit for the big shindig (luckily the tailor for the “Lollipop Guild” was available on such short notice). Ed was unsure of the turnout for the evening, being that most of the important people in his life are not supportive of his juvenile relationship. Nonetheless he seems to be committed to moving forward no matter what. 
The couple arrived at their soiree in matching white outfits, hand in hand to a warm round of applause from the guests (that production most likely hired). Though the bar was filled with people, Ed was most concerned with the attendance of his mom and daughter, checking the door for them like a pet waiting for his people. He took a break from “pound-puppying” to fraternize with Liz’s grandparents and mother, who was not originally on board with the age gap in their relationship. It seemed that with time (and maybe a lot of his favorite Malbec), Mother Liz had come around to the idea that her daughter was about to legally star in the sequel to “Twins” (Portraying the Arnold Schwarzenegger character to Ed’s Danny Devito).
The party seemed to go well, at least until the very end, when the obligatory drama erupted. Apparently Liz’s friend went to say goodbye, and the two had some kind of drunken exchange which led to Liz having her friend removed by security. The friend in question happened to be lesbian, and from where Ed was standing, he felt the fight seemed emotionally fueled, suspecting that she and Liz may have had a relationship. Ed  of course had to pull Liz outside to inquire if this friend was a past fling, which sent a very drunk Liz into flight mode. She scampered off barefoot into the street, muttering to herself and cursing Ed’s existence. Ed just stood there on the sidewalk, somewhat confused, as he incessantly called her to call off the wedding due to immaturity. I’d say the maturity levels are the only thing these two have in common. Along with their American Citizenship…. (WHY ARE THEY ON THE SHOW!!!??!!)

Angela & Mykal??:

Back on this week’s episode of “Nigeria’s Most Wanted”….
Ang was screaming as loud as her Meemaw tar-filled lungs would allow for Mykull to emerge from the safety of his home (She could threaten to “Huff and Puff and blow his house down”, but luckily for him she smoked in the bathroom before coming over…)
Seeing as how raising a ruckus was getting her nowhere, she resorted to destroying Mykull’s car with her bare hands, claiming it was communal property. This finally got Mykull’s attention, and he came out of the house in a screaming rage. The two fought in front of a crowd of producers and onlookers who held each member of the couple back from a physical altercation. Who knew Jerry Springer went on location?!
After Mykull demanded Angela leave his “compound”, she finally got back into the Uber Nigeria with her chain-smoking soul-sister and headed to the hotel, in tears, claiming she was trying to  fight for her relationship. To summarize:
Meemaw Angela came without call,
Meemaw Angela had a big brawl
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
couldn’t put Mykull’s car back together again. 

Kimbally & International Supalocal Talent Sojaboy:

After all of the fighting and sister wife discussions, Kimbally and Usman finally made it to the big day where they were flying to Sokoto to meet Sojamom for the infamous blessing (Note: “Sokoto” is pronounced like “Soak-A-Toe”, which is what Baby Girl Lisa did in the toilet, resulting in an amputation. Please do not Soakatoe in Sokoto, if you want the littlest piggy to still run weeweewee all the way home. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk).
Once in Soakatoe, the couple were greeted by Usman’s old time friend and personal attendant, Bibi. He took the pair to their hotel suite, where Kimbally almost broke the rules by trying to thank him with a friendly gesture of touch. Usman explained that in his hometown, any touching between unmarried women and men is forbidden, “Islamically” speaking…
Usman went first to see his mother alone (who must have gotten a nice payday from her first television appearance, as her house looked renovated with some overstuffed silk upholstered chairs instead of the cinder blocks from her previous season). He tried to butter up his mother, as he explained he was bringing a female friend, Kimbally, to meet her. Right off the bat, Sojamom asked about this mystery woman’s age, unsurprised that she was a member of AARP. She let her internationally locally famous son know that she was all out of blessings, and to call back if he wanted an age-appropriate fertile-Myrtle. Apparently Sojamom has “connections” to the Soakatoe’s most eligible bachelorettes, and was ready to betroth her son as soon as he was done playing his favorite game;“Summit & Jenny” (but if he goes to a Kama Sutra class, I’m Mother Debbie Done).