HEA; S7, EP 6

Angela & Mykal??:

My-kull kicked off this episode with a wholesome swimming lesson.Apparently in his 30-something years on Earth he managed to never quite master the skill. His friends, the infamous “Goofballs” brought him to a local pool where they coached him into becoming a regular My-kull Phelps. Hopefully Angela doesn’t think he’s doing the breaststroke, as there seems to be enough trouble in their long distance marriage at the moment. The Goofballs pried into the couples’ private life, inquiring where the relationship currently stood. Though Mykall claims to still love his wife and want to stay married to her (aka become Hazelhurt, GA’s newest resident), he acknowledges that Angela’s controlling ways are off the charts. He has been asserting his independence lately by making his own Instagram account, which he hopes to use to further his career as an influencer. He really needs this new job (which seems to consist of awkward dancing in hopes of acquiring sponsorships), due to the fact that Angela has neglected to send him any money as of lately. 

Meanwhile, Angela & Rene finally landed in Nigeria and immediately celebrated with a commemorative bathroom smoke break, bringing things back to the humble beginnings of their friendship. After retrieving their luggage, they set off to the hotel to regroup and get ready for Operation Ambush Michael. Angela adjusted her battle ponytail for war, as she and Rene gathered the essentials to bring on their mission; Iced coffees, smokes, and cell phones. Rene helped to hype Ang up on the car ride over, reminding her how inconsiderate Mykal has been of her feelings- a sure fire way to get her in the mood.
When they finally arrived at Mykall headquarters, Angela banged on the door like the Koolaid man, making sure her presence was known. Of course the episode ended on that suspenseful note, but previews of Angela ripping his car to shreds with her bare hands suggest the visit does not end well. Can’t wait to see this one-woman wrecking crew in action. 

Elizabeth & Undrrrrei:

The salty couple took Papa Undrrrei and Baby Eleanor to a manatee center in lieu of going to Mother Libby’s 60th birthday party. They discussed their stance on boycotting the event, as they watched two manatees floating in the distance (I believe I saw their names were “Nicole” and “Azan”, and I swore I heard one say to the other, as they swam towards the shore “Almost there, lazy”). It was obvious that Undrrrrei was comfortable missing an important family event, but even Libby seemed indifferent, explaining that her family has been a bit over the top and toxic, and she sees no problem taking a break.

Back at the big 60th birthday bash (which was more of an “Early Bird Special” low-key lunch), Mother Libby sat with her two evil daughters, Becky and Jen, discussing their feelings on meeting up with Baby Chuck & Co. Though the sisters agreed to attend, they still felt like their brother Beavis needed to get his drinking in check. 
Right on cue, Charlie, Megan, her fancy feet, and their brood arrived at the table. They started off making small talk before diving into the details of the family drama. Though the Sisters Libby felt that Charlie’s drinking had been the root cause of their most Jerry Springer moments, they also admitted that Undrrrrrei was behind a lot of the problems. Baby Chuckles felt proud of himself for getting his sisters to come to the realization that Undrrrei has been manipulating both Libby and Chuck, and may one day soon be the reason they lose their close relationship. If only they could all go back to squishing grapes together in Moldova….such simpler times… the meat jello really brought everyone together.

Shy-duh & B-lull:

Due to lack of personality and storyline, production filmed Shy-duh brushing her teeth for a solid five minutes. It was actually comparable to George Costanza’s “Show about nothing”. An intrigued audience looked on as Shyduh polished her pearly whites, explaining her rigorous regiment, which sounded as aggressive as her chicken washing rituals. Once her breath was minty fresh, she wasted it Facetiming her friend Uterus (because she’s so obsessed with having a baby that she has a friend named Uterus). Shyshy went over all of the details of Bilal’s lack of urgency in the baby making department, despite her strong desire to be a mother and her pregnancy pact written contract. Uterus advised her fresh-breathed friend to forget about waiting until she was 40, as per her reproductive prenush agreement stated, being that her biological clock is ticking at an Angela pace.

Later on, Bilull agreed to accompany Shyduh to a fertility doctor appointment to preemptively discuss the likelihood of a baby Shylal. Even though they technically haven’t started to “try” yet, Shyduh wanted to make sure her body was up to the task, and was probably hoping the doctor could instill a sense of urgency in her blase husband. As if discussing her tooth enamel wasn’t thrilling enough, we also got to hear about Shy’s short menstrual cycle, which was cause for some concern to their creepy fertility specialist. Bilal listened to the doctor explain the novel fact that the baby making situation only gets more difficult with age. Of course his take-away from the conversation was that the couple should wait a few more years before trying….(they can always hit up Skyla if they need an egg). 

Jovi & Yara:

The couple headed off to their Green Card interview, which they seemed to pass with flying colors (they showed the clips of their wedding in Vegas by way of Elvis Impersonator and the scene from the Miami strip club and it was all smooth sailing). Yara had plans to see her girlfriends afterwards for some day drinking, but Jovi tagged along to celebrate (aka “It’s 5’O’clock somewhere”. Probably in (the) Ukraine).

Once at the bar, they were greeted by a team of Yara-clones, who made the whole scene feel like a revival of  “The Heathers” (Jovi, in this scenario, was Winona Ryder). The blonde Stepford     friends all teased Jovi for coming along, dubbing him with the moniker “Jovina” and proceeding to cackle a little too hard at their mediocre joke. The blonde parade accused Jovi of being controlling, due to the fact that he didn’t want Yara and baby Mylah going to war torn Ukraine without him, and would much prefer that she wait until he was 3 weeks off from work to escort them safely. Jovina wasn’t sure if Yara would grant his request and wait, and if they don’t come up with something else soon, we’re going to have to watch them brush their teeth. 

Big Ed & Regular Sized Liz:

The ridiculous couple (who are not in need of a Visa and have no business being on the show) set out for the day to go fishing with Liz’s grandparents, who were more of the parental figures in her life. Apparently this meeting was a momentous occasion, as Liz rarely brings men to meet her family (not even her 2nd ex husband, because she has already been divorced twice at the age of 28). Grandmother Liz appeared to be a long lost relative of Mother Debbie, while Grampie Liz is a man after Ed’s own heart with his goofy ponytail (hopefully he also conditions with mayo for both shine and scent). Ed and Liz arrived at the meeting a few minutes late, with Ed apologizing and joking that they were “too busy fooling around” (I guess he’s been single for so long he forgot what not to say when meeting parents). After an awkward silence, the Grandparents Liz questioned Ed’s motives as to why he wanted to marry their granddaughter, accusing him of trying to steal her youth like some kind of twisted evil queen from a Disney movie. Ed assured them that his intentions with Liz were based on love…. Of being on television. At least Grandpa Liz was slightly entertaining, as he pelted Ed with a series of short jokes, as faux Mother Debbie cackled by his side.

Later on Liz ditched her bite-sized beau and sat down for lunch with her grandparents alone. She tried to explain her strange relationship- which she now claims is in a good place, despite the 30 year age gap. Liz cried as she relayed her concern, through tears, that her biggest worry would be losing Ed too soon, due to his age (although previews show her losing him on the street outside of a restaurant next week). The Grandparents Liz seemed to be supportive of their granddaughter’s inevitable third divorce, and I’m really looking forward to seeing their version of formal wear if the wedding ever happens. 

Queen Kimbally & International Local Talent Sojaboy:

After all of their previous fighting, Kimbally was somehow still invited to celebrate Sojaboy’s birthday party at the luxurious Club Bleu, who’s lighting scheme made the patron’s feel as if they were performing a cavity search on a Smurf. There were many Soja-cronies in attendance, including KB, the infamous polygamist from the previous episode, and some guy named “Beeswax”.
Kimbally made sure to apologize to KB for her milkshake-slinging ways, and all was forgiven. Things seemed to be all smooth sailing for a brief moment, until Sojaboy’s female music producer, Ali, arrived. Kimbally immediately became jealous, and went over to sit next to Ali to get better acquainted and get the inside scoop on Sojaboy’s elusive personal life in Nigeria. Ali seemed to like Kim, as the only two ladies of the party chit-chatted away. She did however admit that the relationship with Kim was a surprise, seeing as how the Local Supadupastar can get any girl in Nigeria that he’s willing to go “der” for. Nevertheless, the party was a success, and they managed to avoid any major meltdowns for a change.

The next day, the two drove off to have a romantic date after a steamy evening of pounding yams (which Usman described with both sounds and hand gestures). They seemed to have moved on from most of their previous issues, but Kimbally had to bring up the second wife yet again. Over a steamy bowl of Pepper Catfish stew, she once again asked Sojaboy (who I should mention was randomly wearing a purple polo shirt) the details of how the second wife thing works before their big trip to Sokoto to meet Sojamom.
Kim wanted to be clear that the second wife is not allowed to be an American, as she doesn’t want to share a continent with her (only the yam). She got riled up yet again that Usman was making up the polygomy rules as he went, threatening to have a second wife wherever he would like (Ya know, Supastar privileges and all). I hope for Kim’s sake his next hit single isn’t “Robyn, Ma’Baby, yah yah”….and that he isn’t suddenly wearing a variety of LulaRoe leggings to match his purple polo shirt. And that he steers clear of Flagstaff….