Happily Ever After; S7, EP 6

Jenny & Stewmeat:

Back at the honeymoon suite, the couple were discussing the details of their romantic night together (It the headboard’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’! No, like literally. You will never be able to get that image out of your head). After they were done giggling like school girls about their sexy-time, they tried to make plans for the day. Jenny was looking forward to sitting by the shore, watching Summitch build sand castles and play with his toys, but he expressed interest in something more adventurous like zip lining. Jenny agreed (without even checking if Smee had taken out a life insurance policy on her first. Everyone knows he’s in it for that social security cheddar).
Soupee was the first to zipline across the scenic river, managing to make it safely to the other side. Jenny went next, screaming all the while (which is now giving me even more insight as to what went on with all of the headboard knocking, and the  pain and suffering of their poor hotel neighbors). Since they both made it across the zipline alive, Suitpleat decided to spring his next honeymoon activity on Jenny; Attending a Kama Sutra yoga class. Jenny seemed shocked by the suggestion, as she felt their routine of bed knockin’ and post-coital Nick-At-Night marathons were all the spice they needed. Smee just explained it would be a chance for the two to really “connect” on a different level, working hard to sell the idea to his vintage bride. Jenny still declined, feeling like she’d been around long enough to know most of the diagrams in the Kama Sutra by heart (probably because she was alive for the original diagram drawings), and feels that practicing in a class/group setting would only be an embarrassment. It was the first time Jenny was really feeling the age gap between herself and Mike Jones. All I know is if they show Jenny in some skimpy French maid costume next week with fuzzy handcuffs, I’m personally calling Mother Sueme.
Next we saw the two heading to a religious ceremony in honor of the River Ganges (Thank God someone changed the Kama Sutra subject… ). They participated with fun accessories, flowers, and blessings before sitting down to discuss a new topic. Jenny brought up that now that they’re finally married, she could file a spousal Visa so Smeet could travel with her to the U.S. Somepit immediately declined the offer, worried that leaving his native India would surely be the nail in the coffin with his mother (who’s coffin he’s not allowed to see anyway, since he was dis-invited to her funeral). Let’s just hope the Visa storyline continues….not sure if I can stomach any tantric yoga classes this season. I’d rather watch a nasal flossing marathon.

Angela & Mykal??:

Ang’s anxiety was through the rough as she struggled to pack for her surprise trip to Nigeria to ambush Mykal. She decided to bring an accomplice for this mission; Her friend Rene, who has been someone important in her life ever since they met at an airport and bonded over paying off the bathroom attendant so they could smoke in the restroom. Angela explained her frustrations with Mykal’s recent actions, which included extorting her for money in exchange for removing his instagram account. Although she readily agreed to go, Rene had no idea that the upcoming trip was going to be a surprise visit, but she was into it. 

Angela adjusted her sequined American flag hat and matching American themed luggage as she and Rene set off towards the airport. Once they reached the gate, the weight of what she was about to do started to settle on her newly smaller frame. She was nervous and excited to see Mykal after being separated for 2 years, but was weary of his motives. Her grand plan involved showing up on his doorstep and demanding to see his cell phone immediately, to check if he had been messaging other women or scamming other people. Flying 24+ hours to a foreign country to roll up on someone and go through their phone is a level of dedication most people should aspire to. I, for one, really look forward to watching her rip apart Mykal’s car with her bare hands, all while wearing a synthetic ponytail by Miona, as the previews suggest. 

Kimbally & International Local Talent Sojaboy:

The fight from last week continued, as Kimbally paced through the Abuja Holiday Inn parking lot, unsure of what to do next. She eventually went back to the hotel room to try and smooth things over, and possibly looking for reassurance from Usman that he had every intention to make her the “Robyn” in their Sisterwives relationship. Unfortunately for Kim, the Supastar was still upset about having yet another beverage thrown on him and an evening ending in tears. He seemed to feel like even though Sojamom could really use a new goat and/or cow dinner, bringing Kimbally to meet his family would not be the right move. 

The next morning, Kimbally could be seen spraying her ebony locks with some scrunch spray before setting out down the hallway and onto the veranda to join Sojaboy for a spot of tea. Of course the choice of hot beverage worried Usman, who was at this point used to having drinks thrown in his general direction. Kim tried again to explain that her severe reaction was caused by frustration, since Usman had sugar coated the whole SIsterwives scenario. She felt duped, having been told that the second wife would basically be a concubine, while she was the one he would go “der” for. She felt that after all she had done for him (money, gifts, unconditional love and support, an entire wardrobe with his face on it, willingness to look like an idiot on television, and traveling multiple times to dedicate herself to a relationship with someone who planned to take more wives), she deserves some recognition. 
He eventually apologized, while trying to explain that she is not the only one sacrificing for the sake of their relationship, as he managed to sleep with her before marriage (which, he also did with BGL. He got the rawdog forreal). The two made up just in time for Sojaboy’s big birthday bash, which he invited Kimbally to attend, with the stipulation that she was not allowed to throw anything. Kimbally agreed to be on her best behavior, and was trying to decide which Sojaboy t-shirt to wear for the big event.

Big Ed & Regularly Size Liz:

Back in the land of “Why are these people still on my tv”… The segment started off with Liz and her friend Model Sam (from the infamous “no-neck photo shoot” of two weeks ago) humping the floor while doing some type of stripper zumba. Post workout, the two gals sat down to discuss the state of “Big Led” (the couple’s celebrity name, which really weighs down my patience). Liz confessed to Model Sam that Ed has hinted she should lose some weight. Everyone in the Universe concluded that Ed himself should be the weight she should lose (but that must not have been in the script). 
Back at Ed’s house, there was a close up of a rogue dog turd on a wee-wee pad, really showcasing his character for the appropriate lead-in. With their engagement drawing near, Ed decided to call his poor tiny mother to try and make peace and invite her to celebrate (thankfully ghosted him). He hoped eventually both his mother and daughter would accept his ridiculous relationship with Liz, and possibly even attend the wedding. Liz, on the other hand, did not think having Ed’s other leading ladies attend the engagement party would be a good idea, as they clearly don’t like her.
Next we saw Big Ed and Liz try and spice up their disastrous relationship by “role playing”, and picking each other up at a hotel bar/restaurant. After many nauseating attempts at flirtation, the two resolved to go inside for dinner, and discuss their upcoming party. I wasn’t paying close attention to the rest of the conversation, as I’ve lost all interest in them, and still don’t really understand why they’re even on the show.  

Yara & Jovi:

Yara sat glued to the television watching the war in Ukraine unfold. Though her mother seemed to be safe in Czech Republic, most of her friends were in the capital, Kiev, experiencing the reality of the situation. Jovi tried his best to console her (probably even offering to take her to the strip club to take her mind off of things), but did not really know what to say. Yara tried hard to hold it together, while feeling completely helpless and wishing she could do something for her friends, family, and fellow Ukrainians (Rest assured, Yara…. Caesar and David are on the way to help!) 
The couple went to a lawyer to discuss their options for either bringing Yara’s family to the US, or her ability to go see her mother in Europe, given the status of her Green Card. After gathering all of the necessary information, they discussed the financial difficulties of bringing the Family Yara into their small apartment and taking care of them. Yara felt as though her family couldn’t possibly cost much more than her expensive handbag collection, and decided she would do whatever it takes. In the meantime, she really wanted to go with Mylah to Prague to see her mother, though Jovi was hoping she would wait until he was 4 weeks off, instead of 4 weeks on. 

Elizabeth & Undrrrrei:

Elizabeth and her two evil stepsisters sat in her niece’s dance class studio, discussing Undrrrrei and their mother’s big showdown. Since the housewarming party, the Sisters Elizabeth have decided to change their collective bobble-headed mind about attending their mother’s 60th birthday party that Brother Charlie & Co. would be attending. They realized it would be easier just to put aside their differences with Baby Chuck for the sake of their mom.
Libby tried to stay strong in her decision to decline the invitation, worried about Undrrrrei flying off the handle and possibly causing issues with his upcoming Green Card Renewal Interview. The sisters snickered at the prospect of Undrrrei possibly getting sent back to the Moldy-O. They expressed their feelings about Undrrrrei’s bossy and controlling his ways, and told Elizabeth they feared they’d be next on his chopping block. 
Back at the house, Papa Undrrrrei was busy playing Barbie dolls with little Ellie (which is much more entertaining with a Moldovan accent, I’m going to try that next time). Libby filled him in on the conversation with her wicked sisters, letting him know in her own nasal way that she was on his side when it came to ruining her mother’s birthday by missing her party. 
Fast forward a few seconds, and we caught up with Brother Charlie, who was busy taking foot fetish photos of his wife Megan, who apparently clears $70k/year with pictures of her piggies. They took a brief break from the foot photo industry to discuss the Undrrrei drama. Charlie maintained that he is not the instigator, but merely a victim in Undreeei’s Moldy scheme to destroy the family. He had a hard time coming to terms with Big Chuck siding with his son in law instead of his own meathead son. Megan also felt betrayed by the family, as she was very close with all of the sisters (so close, in fact, that she was allowed to breastfeed in the pool with them), but had also been a victim of the BBQ brawl of last season (“From Pool Breastfeeding to Pool-Side FIghting; The Meg Potthast E True Hollywood Story).  Charlie maintained that he and Megan would be attending the 60th birthday party, despite the family drama, and wanted nothing more than to celebrate ( And ya know, free beer, Bro.)