Happily Ever After; S6, EP 12

Angela & Michael:
Meemaw herded her grids inside so she could have a virtual conference with both her personal psychic, Tracey, and Michael. Psychic Tracey stopped by Party City to really get in character for her role, as she shuffled her deck of cards to perform Michael’s reading. She stopped on the “angel” card, interpreting it as (in the words of Superstar Sojaboy) Your parenter should be willing to “Go ‘dey’ for you”, which seemed to strike a nerve with Angela. The couple began to argue in front of Madame Zoltar, as she kept randomly picking up new cards and inspiring new arguments. At the end of my big fat gypsy psychic, Angela pulled a BGL, stating there were plenty of men in the U.S. who would treat her right. Michael did say he still loved Angela, despite it all, and was afraid of losing her.
Later in the episode, we caught back up with Michael in Nigeria as he was pondering the state of his relationship over a load of laundry, al fresco. He called Angela, who was partaking in a Michael stress-induced cigarette, to beg her for forgiveness over his indifference and lack of support during her surgeries.This discussion seemed to at least be more level headed and less volatile than the rest, as both parties admitted they still loved each other and wanted to make things work. 
Lastly during this episode, Angela made an attempt to reconnect on a physical level by surprising Michael via video chat in a sensual bubble bath. She made sure to add a few sprigs of baby’s breath to her yellow pineapple of a ponytail for a more angelic look. Michael quickly disrobed to help get in the mood, as Angela revealed her newer smaller boobs for the first time. She seductively splashed the bubbles away to show Michael the downgrade, waiting to see his reaction. Michael made sure to tread lightly with the comments, though he was visibly disappointed by the lack of boobage. Angela seemed to respect his response, and made sure to make a few sexual comments that I’m working hard to forget. It looks like for the time being, Meemaw and Michael have gotten their collective groove back.

Elizabeth & Undrrrei:
The nightmare bus full of polished turds showed up to a vineyard for their big family reunion. Undrrrei seemed overly concerned with getting on Chuck’s good side as part of his plan to weasel his way into the family business dealings. Once at the reunion, the family Elizabeth mingled with their extended relatives, who for all intents and purposes seemed to be a lot less obnoxious than their royal Tampa kin. Charlie was in attendance along with his wife, who’s wardrobe inspiration was drawn from Jem and The Holograms. While Libby and her sisters were chatting with one of their cousins, the topic of a babysitter came up. Sister Becky threw Libby under the bus by openly asking about Elizabeth’s new sitter, which of course was news to Undrrrrrei. Of course this sparked a huge fight, with Undrrrrei making a scene and storming out of the room, leaving a trail of* *bleeeeps* in his path. Libby chased after him, defending her position on hiring the secret sitter, but Undrrrei maintained this was just another plot by the sisters Libby to undermine him. The sisters all chimed in a nasal chorus, yelling in unison that Undrrrei is “soooo dated”, trying to combat his old world ideas about childcare. Eventually they pulled it together and rejoined the party, with Becky smiling like an evil genius in the corner.  Undrrrei snapped out of his tantrum, reminding himself that his main focus needed to be schmoozing Chuck. He followed Chuck’s every move closely, making sure to be at least 1 foot up his ass at all times.
Aunt Sue invited the family back to the house for an afterparty, since the first party was so great, who wouldn’t want to keep it going??! Undrrrei, Chuckles and Husband Becky went upstairs to play a rousing game of foosball. Undrrrei of course was planning to give upChuck (who was already pretty drunk) a little ego boost by letting him win, before bringing up more business conversations. But before Undrrrrei even had a chance to enact his scheme, Chuck E Cheese brought up the house flipping opportunity on his own, offering Undrrrrei to go in on it with him. Husband Becky went downstairs, making sure to strategically spill the beans on the new business venture, causing Jen to storm the foosball game with her crappy beachwaves. The rest of the RV-ettes joined them upstairs, all talking over each other and yelling. Elizabeth decided to side with her Moldy husband, who she was hating for the last 2 episodes and fighting with only an hour before at the reunion. When are we going to see the pool fight? We’ve already seen them fight on a yacht, in Moldova, at a foosball table, at a vineyard…. A pool would really give it more of a vacation feel

Kalani & Asuelu:
Asuelu decided to give Kalani the day off in an attempt to prove that he would be helpful, should she get amnesia and change her mind on having another baby. He strapped one pajama brother to his back, while the other was entrapped in the highchair as he toiled in the kitchen making an entire Sam-wan feast. The most impressive part was that he managed to contribute more to the household in this one episode than he has done in all of their seasons combined. At the dinner table with Mother Kalani, Asuelu brought up the idea of his own mother coming to visit with her bodyguard, Tammy. Of course Mother Kalani was concerned, since Tammy had threatened to beat up Kolini via satellite at the last 90 Day Tell All. She made it clear that no one needed the Grinches of Samwa ruining Christmas. 
Later on, the entire family put on their favorite Christmas pajama onesies to wear in public as they went tree shopping. Koloni acknowledged Asuelu’s change of attitude and new helpful outlook, as they all ran around looking for the perfect tree to bodyslam Tammy into. They took a break from their shopping spree to discuss the impending visit, expecting the worst. Low tried to act like a tough guy, condoning violence if necessary between Kolini and Tammy, but we all know Low will be sipping herbal tea and watching The Notebook by 7pm, possibly while knitting a scarf. 

Yara & BonJovi:
Jovi was sent to the store to retrieve Ukranian food, which appeared to involve a lot of pickled fish. Yara seemed excited (well, as excited as she gets) to share her tradition of Ukranian Christmas with her new American family members. She invited Jovi’s cousin and Mama Gwen over for the feast. Jovi’s cousins were still adjusting to seeing him live the suburban dad life, being that he’s always been a notorious party boy. The guests all tried a sampling of the Ukranian feast, feeling that the pickled herring was cringeworthy, unlike their native swamp bug schmorgesborg. While they dined, they discussed the topic of baby Mylah’s sleeping arrangements, as Yara had gotten used to having the baby sleep in the bed with her while Jovi was away. The family tried to encourage Yara to cut the cord a bit and get Mylah her own crib in their new crib so the couple could enjoy some alone time. At 6pm on the dot, Yara announced that the pickled party was over, and everyone didn’t have to go home but they couldn’t stay there. Gwen was taken aback  that she was being ejected from the house, after driving 2 hours to get some stale bread and stinky fish.
Yara defended her position on making her guests leave suddenly, mostly blaming it on baby Mylah’s schedule and her need to go to bed at 6pm (even though she’s an infant who doesn’t have to go to work in the morning and could probably have fallen asleep just fine at the table with everyone talking). 
Later on, Jovi was still annoyed with the hostess with the mostess, calling her rude and complaining that she’s now a lame mom. To try and improve the situation, they went on an excursion to find Mylah a crib at a baby specialty store. Jovi was taken aback at the prices, claiming to be looking for a cheaper option (which, they should’ve just gone to Walmart. Yara at Walmart would be a whole episode on it’s own that would actually be entertaining). Jovi also proposed that they should take a Mylah-less weekend getaway so they can stay awake past 7pm. Of course this sounded like torture to new mother Yara, who wasn’t even ready to leave the baby in the next bedroom let alone for a weekend. The two argued, with Yara eventually leaving the store, claiming that Jovi needs to adjust to his new lame-o life (though previews showed the two on vacation next week). I’m still #TeamGwen, and I wouldn’t have eaten the pickled herring, but I would never have eaten the crawdaddy cray-crays either. 

Tiffany & Ronald Ma’Boy:
After their fight from last week, Ronald had spent the night in the blue bunker instead of with his bare-shouldered bride. The next morning they had a talk about their power struggle issues, resulting in Ronald making some kind of “knee bones connected to the thigh bone” analogy, which was confusing, to say the least. The gist of the situation was that Ronald was trying to assert his manliness and call the shots, while Tiffany wanted to be equals, but also make him do everything to prove himself to her. But her shoulders were covered, so big win there. 
Ronald decided to surprise Tiffany by taking her to a used car lot. His newest scheme involved starting a handyman business, which involved spending a bunch of money on a pickup truck…. Months before he was supposed to move to the U.S. Ronald saw this lucrative bunker building business as a way to provide for his family and be the man of the house. Of course Tiffany had to just rain on his parade, pointing out all of the holes in this Swiss cheese of a plan. (Sidenote: You could haul a lot of refrigerators with that pickup. So maaach easier than riding away with one on your motorcycle). This dumb idea led Tiffany to open up about seeing a divoce lawyer prior to her visit, which of course made Ma’Boy’s head spin (he should have just said “Afi” like Asuelu did during his surprise divorce lawyer storyline). He was very upset and ready to go on one of his “but I’m a man” rages, but I guess he didn’t really have the energy. I don’t either.

Big Mike & Some Hooker:
Meanwhile, back in Squim….
The big guy was wearing a ridiculous workout outfit and sweat band that just screamed “Let’s get physical!” as he pushed a giant tire down his dirt driveway in the name of cardio. Natalie, having magically healed without bruising one week post op, seemed excited to see Mike exercising. After approximately 30 seconds of pretending to workout, they segued right into awkwardly discussing the nose job incident. Mike couldn’t understand how Natalie wouldn’t keep him in the loop about her surgery, despite all of their fighting. Natalie scrambled to explain her lack of communication, which ultimately just led to more fighting. More importantly, I noticed a husky puppy in the background, though no sign of the rat (I wonder if Natalie’s witchy friend cast a spell on Lucky, turning him into a dog with Natalie’s exact blue crazy eyes). At this point, it would be more interesting to watch a nanny cam of the dog, cat, and rat hanging out in the Squim house all day.