Seeking Sister Wife; S3, EP 11

The Snowdens; Dimitri, Ashley, & Possibly Christeline:
Ashley was wearing some Elton John-esque sunglasses while she helped Dimitri pick out the right outfit to wear for his big date with their prospective wife, Christeline. After much deliberation, they decided on a pastel tie-dyed look for the big proposal outfit. Dimitri met up with Christeline in the hallway and was noticeably excited to see her form fitting date-night dress.
Chrissy seemed excited to be going out on only her 3rd date with Dimitri since arriving at Casa Snowden a few months before. Unfortunately for Chrissy, Dimitri’s big plan was to drive around for a long time, blindfold her, and then bring her right back to the four walls she was probably looking forward to escaping for the night. In the meantime, Ashley (Dimitri’s HBIC) had been littering the backyard with twinkle lights to set the scene for the big proposal. As Dimitri led a blindfolded Christeline through the family’s backyard, he gave her some ambiguous speech, like “wherever you go, there you are”, before taking off her blindfold for the big reveal. Christeline was shocked (and probably annoyed… it was the first time out of the house in months and she ended up all dressed up to hang out in the backyard with the kids around….). She took a minute to respond to a kneeling Dimitri, before accepting the title of legal Mrs. Snowden (a title Ashley surprisingly does not already hold). Once she accepted, Ashley and the kids came pouring out of the house in celebration. That was nice and all, but I hope he at least took her out to Taco Bell for a pH balanced Gordita Supreme afterwards. She was all dressed up, after all…

The Merryfields; Garlic, Danielle & Bert:
Danielle and Garlic are out for dinner celebrating their 13th wedding anniversary (It all makes sense now… Lucky #13). As they were about to “cheers to all of the years” with their delicious looking drinks, Garlic got the bright idea to make a video for Bert, who he was clearly thinking about on the date. Danielle smiled for the camera as she watched her husband wave and blow kisses to their faraway bride. On her anniversary. 
The dinner conversation also revolved around talking about the K1-Visa process and how bummed Garlic is that everything is taking so long. Danielle brought up the topic of Garlic running off to meet up with Bert to impregnate her, and how she felt it best to wait for the Visa approval first. Garlic tried to get Danielle on board the baby train by quoting scripture (that he may have actually made up… something like “And the Lord said unto me..’Thous shalt let thy impregnate Bert and her braces’”), which Danielle did try to combat, but unfortunately did not have a page number and direct quote memorized, so she conceded. It seemed as though Garlic’s mind was made up, and try though she may, Danielle will not convince him to wait. 
Next we saw the family packing for their latest trip to Mexico, which I’ve dubbed “Operation Impregnation”. Who better to accompany the family for this momentous occasion but their two pre teen sons, and Danielle’s PARENTS. Yes, that’s right… Danielle’s parents are packing their snorkels for Mexico, where they are fully aware that their son in law is going to attempt to impregnate his sidepiece. Seeking Sister Wives or Twilight Zone? You be the judge. 

The Clarks; Jard & Vanessa:
Jard was looking extra buff and shiny as he sat in this yard with Vanessa, contemplating his commitment to the polygamist lifestyle as they watched their kids play in the yard. He expressed his doubts about the lifestyle, since his relationship with his last potential sisterwife “K” failed miserably, and his date with Emily turned into a potential Cinemax movie. Vanessa assured him that the future for their Kingdom was looking up, as there was a lot of potential with their newest future queen, Crystal. Jard and Vanessa beamed with joy as they joined their kids on the old Slip N Slide in the backyard (which I guess is a substitute for a moat in this suburban castle). All hail King Shiny Jard.

The Joneses; Sidian & Tosha:
Get your friendship bracelets on, it’s time for Tosha and Sidian to go on a group date with their (not a lot of) potential sister wife, Alexandra. They were so excited to have  Alexandra over to the house to sit around the firepit and eat fruit. Alexandra (who decided to go casual with leggings and a crop top) questioned why Tosha had wanted to sign up for this lifestyle. Tosha claimed that she liked having an instant family, and further explained that she was waiting on her own family planning based on finding a sister wife. Alexandra really killed the mood when she broke the news that she’s unsure of being a wife, let alone sister wife, and definitely not a mother. She basically wandered on to the set of the show by accident, hoping to score some free food. Needless to say, she chose to break things off with them (though they should have checked her purse to make sure she didn’t steal any extra fruit or friendship bracelets). 

The Winders; Coltonbot3000, Tami & Sophie:
The family’s time with their potential sister wife Kimberly had come to an end. They decided to go to a park with the kids to recap the visit, and how everyone is feeling about letting Kimberly  join the club. Tami and Sophie seemed to be into her, and appreciated her willingness to help around the kitchen, especially with their green jello concoction. Coltonbot, on the other hand, expressed in the most monotone voice that he wasn’t feeling it, even though he doesn’t seem to have much feeling at all. The wives understood that it can’t always be a girl party, and that it would be important for Colton to have feelings towards Kimberly as well. They all decided to sidebar the Kimberly idea for a later date, and to just enjoy the synergy they seemed to have achieved as a party of three. Then they removed Coltonbot’s batteries and watched him slowly wind down into sleep mode. The end.