Love After Lockup, EP 16

Lindsey & Scott:

The fight from last week continued, and Lindey’s hair was still in the pink bandana/ superfluous claw clip combo. She read off a message that was forwarded to her by an ex boyfriend, who Scott had contacted via Facebook to get the inside scoop on Lindsey while she was in prison. He specifically wanted to know the reason for their breakup, asking if it was “lame sex, or psycho?” (She didn’t read the response from her ex, but I’d go with option B. At least psychos tend to keep things interesting, and having your first time together while simultaneously charging your ankle monitor is far from “lame”). Lindsey continued pressing the issue that Scott does not trust her, asking what his motive is. He maintains that he wants a life partner who looks great in a bandana/claw clip combo and pink short-shorts (check plus) but feels she wants someone to provide a place for her and Mylie Grace to live, and doesn’t care which “Tom or Harry-Dick” provides it (sometimes sequence is everything). He further accused Lindsey of only caring about Mylie Grace, her friends and her phone, with Scott only rolling in at 4th place (if she’s feeling bored) and in that specific order. 
After the big fight, Lindsey took to the front yard to call Tarabelle to vent. Tarabelle sided with Lindsey, as any good girlfriend and soon to be driveway neighbor would. Meanwhile, Scott was in the backyard talking to his friend Ed about the ordeal, who listened, though admitted that from an outside perspective, it looked pretty grim. (He should have hung up with Ed and called someone to come mow the grass… he’s about to lose his dogs out there!)
Lindsey told Tarabelle she’s about to do a little detective work on Scott, since he spent so much time researching her references. Can’t wait to see what Sherlock Homie finds (while wearing her signature pink bandana).

Destinie & Shawn:

Destinie was released from the hospital the following day, after having several tests to make sure she wasn’t having her eggoptopic pregnancy. Shawn was blowing up her phone, though continually being sent to voicemail, as Destinie continued her journey onward towards California. She arrived at her sister Britnie’s house (clearly their mother was a creative speller). She revealed to her sister the outcome of her hospital exam (though we had to wait through a dramatic commercial break pause), that she is not pregnant, but rather has a problem with her intestines and they gave her diarrhea medicine (that Destinie and her oversharing…).Her game plan now is to lay low at her sister’s house until her court date and continue ignoring Shawn.
Back in Las Vegas, Shawn is floating around his pool, topless, next to a unicorn float, obsessively calling Destinie. He eventually moved on to calling her sister Britnie for more info, who of course pretended she had no idea where Destinee was. 

Quaylon & Shovel:

Shovel is at home with her mom and her mom’s gold lipstick, revealing that Quaylon has been trying to squirm back into her life after she found the eggplant emoji laden message in his phone and kicked him to the curb. Her mother invited cousin DMark over for a dose of reality, as he has been a harsh critic of the relationship from the get-go. DMark feels he has insight into the situation, since he himself was inquarcerated for 5 years, and had also had prison pen pal relationships based on convenience and support. Momadukes and DMark pressured Shovel into deleting Quaylon’s phone number from her phone, to help separate herself from the situation. Using her blingy yellow acrylic nails, she completed the deletion of his number, as her mother quoted HER mother’s sage proverb: “Mama always told me the best way to get over a man, is to get on top of a new one”. DMark needs his own spinoff….

Sarah & Michael:

Sarah went to Michael’s hotel room, making assumptions that he had paid for the hotel via the generosity of single ladies everywhere. She discussed the upcoming family court date in regards to custody of their two pretty girls, as Michael claimed she was trying to take the kids away. Sarah made the point that Michael didn’t even have a stable place where he was living, and is not equipped to have 50/50 custody, as per his request (I don’t even think I’d let him have 50% custody over a pet rock, let alone a mini human). The minute Sarah left, Michael threw off his shirt and resumed text messaging yet another “female”, who hopefully was not “obulatin’ ”. While viewers everywhere scratched their heads trying to understand the powers Michael has on women, he took it upon himself to go into a thorough explanation. Put quite simply, Michael explained that he has a rare disease called “Devil d*ck”, which causes women to lose control of their bodies and levitate, before he sprinkles “holy water” on them. And I will never be the same. And I guess neither will they.. (Also, if Coltee from “90 Day” texted Michael, would he say “Good morning, my devil d*ck”??)

After hearing about Michael’s magic powers, we saw him meet up with Haley, a super cute brunette, to try and make her levitate. They went to a bar/restaurant to discuss his custody agreement, aka foreplay, and how crazy Sarah was for not wanting the pretty girls to be in the care of daddy devil dick. Haley seemed to reassure him that he was a “great dad” (I guess she liked the bear costume…), and agreed to go back to his hotel room, as we saw him grab her butt and leave the restaurant (apparently she couldn’t hear everyone at home screaming “Don’t do it!!! Make sure you’re not obulatttttin’!!!!). Michael explained that using his devil tool was a great way of literally clearing his head, which doesn’t seem like it generally needs much clearing in the first place.

Andrea & Lamar:

Lamar hit the road with the couples’ daughter, Priscilla to meet up in secret with his older daughter Shante. It was a sweet meeting between the two new sisters, and Shante seemed to be relating better to Priscilla than expected. Lamar plied Priscilla with some vanilla ice cream to detain her, while he got a little alone time to speak privately with Shante. He apologized for not being there for her, and tried to explain how difficult it is to work around Andrea’s wild jealousy. It seems like he is trying his best to make up for lost time.

Meanwhile, Andrea is having a hard time with her son Tennnison, as he now refuses to leave for his 2 year long mission trip. Afraid that he may be going down a different, less religious path since moving to the mean streets of L.A., Andrea takes him to speak with Matt, a fellow Mormon who she knows and trusts, to hopefully relate to Tennison about going on this right of passage. Tennison expressed that he feels afraid to leave his sisters at home for two years, being that Andrea and Lamar are constantly fighting, and he fears for Priscilla’s upbringing. He got so upset, that he walked out of the meeting to get some air, with Andrea trailing close behind. It seems that Andrea was completely unaware of the impact that her relationship troubles have had on her son and on her kids in general. 

Noticeably missing were Lacey and Papa Chain, who were probably off enjoying their increased blood flow from last week.