The Other Way; S2, EP 17

Jenny & Stewmeat:

After Smee’s brave showdown with his parents last week, Jenny is all hot and bothered. She made sure she caught the early bird special at Golden Corral India and stayed up past 6:30pm so she would have enough energy for an intimate encounter with her man. Shoemitt seemed thoroughly satisfied with the love making, and Jenny was like a giddy school girl about the whole subject…….and the school girl I’m referencing in particular is Mary Kay Letourneau. 
Jenny wanted to reward her Smee for his bravery and dedication of service by presenting him with a ring, which she explained was a symbol of her commitment to him and vice versa. She was quickly denied, as Smitt reminded her that he was technically still legally married. He also had plans to do a legitimate ring ceremony, not just making a bedside promise, post being “dominated” (aaaand I made myself nauseous).

In the meantime, Sumgrits heard from the court that his wife (yeah, still has one of those… he and Georgi have that in common), is filing criminal charges against him and his entire family. Additionally she wants $500/month in alimony, and a $20,000 fee for the divorce. Clearly this was a huge concern, as the couple has been living off of Jenny’s social security money since Soomee is too cute to work.
The next day, a nervous Some-itch hitched a ride from his friend to the courthouse to defend himself against the charges. As luck would have it, his in-laws decided to withdraw the criminal case, which was a huge relief. Shoemit was so excited and couldn’t wait to race home to Jenny to tell her the great news…. (and possibly celebrate with another wild night that would end up needing post coital ultra strength Icy Hot rub down, accent on the hot).

Ariela & Baby Daddy Baby:

It’s time for the new family of three to head home (wherever that is) from the hospital. Ariela is still staring in awe at her new baby boy, as she admits she has no idea what she is doing. She does, however, know one thing- she will not let Baby Daddy Baby take the baby home in the car without a carseat. While Ariela was driven back to the apartment comfortably in a car, she made Baby Sr. carry Baby Jr. and hoof it back to the house.

Speaking of hooves……
When Ariela arrived back at their new place of residence, she was greeted with a lovely Ethoiopian tradition that every hormonal woman who just went through the trauma of childbirth wants to endure; Watching a goat being slaughtered on the front stoop.
During some of her most unattractive crying yet, Ari winced through the entire dedication, which grown-up Baby somehow neglected to tell her about in advance.
Ariela went upstairs to try and rest after her tragic welcome home surprise lunch, and was startled when Biniyam’s gaggle of Aunties came parading upstairs making fun turkey noises. She was smiling (which we know with her doesn’t necessarily mean she’s happy), as they all wanted to lovingly bless the baby and impart their child rearing knowledge (It was kind of like the Ethiopian version of that Geico commercial “We’ve got Aunts…”).  All of that seemed fine, until they started questioning her about the baptism. Ariela felt pressure from Biniyam as well as the family on the subject, trying to hold on to the roadblock that the priest had previously told her about; She would need to be baptized first in order for the baby to be baptized. The Aunties found a loophole around that by announcing “We know a guy…”, which only poured on the pressure for Ari. It seemed as though Ariela did win the name battle, however, by getting Biniyam to compromise on naming the baby Aviel “Avi” Biniyam. Baby-dady Biniyam was thrilled to have the Biniyam namesake live on in the middle, and admitted that the baby’s name was not as important to him as saving his son’s eternal soul. Ariela finally agreed to let Baby Avi go for a dip in the baptism pool, while she called the ritual “silly”, rudely making light of the significance in Biniyam’s religion. He handled the jab maturely, as he realized he was still getting his way. 
The couple seemed to be in a good place at the moment, that was, until they took a ride to the hospital for the baby’s routine infant check up. During the drive (with baby Avi now in a car seat, possibly also purchased from the dirt market), Baby Sr seemed to have a lot of comments about Ariela’s mothering, including what she should be eating and drinking. He really seems to be an expert, especially since he hasn’t had to physically do any of it. She seemed to have lost her happy hormones from the early segment and was now just annoyed with his critiques. 
They arrived at the doctor where the baby had his first round of immunization, something Ariela maybe should have let the baby decide for himself, since she’s all for “infant equality” and freedom of infant choice. Both parents had seemed to have agreed that the baby would also be circumcised this day, since it’s commonly done in Biniyam’s culture as well as traditionally done in the Jewish religion. However, when the time came for the procedure to be done, Ariela became horribly overwhelmed and freaked out. First she pulled a move from the “Pao” handbook with the whole “nobody can touch my baby” thing, even Biniyam. Then she was super bitchy to the doctor, before finally just taking the baby and going AWOL. Biniyam was left trying to find her and talk her down. Somebody please loan the positive gangster your frequent flyer miles, they need backup!

Deavan & Jihoon:

Things with these two are as fun as ever, as it seems to be “Take Your American Wife to Work Day” in Korea. Although we were all under the impression that Jihoon’s days in the trenches of the illegal cell phone trade were over, it appears that his place of employment is ironically a cell phone store. Jihoon explains that he is now a broken cell phone broker of sorts (would that make him a Broken Broker??), reselling LEGAL broken cell phones for other people to fix. Deavan questioned why anyone would want broken cell phones, let alone need a broken cell phone salesman to sell them one, but I’ve personally stopped asking “Why” a long time ago.
Deavan questioned Jihoon’s bosses about his job, and made sure to put him on front street, mentioning that he used to sell stolen phones. Luckily Jihoon is employee of the month, making his broken cell phone quotas regularly and filling out his TPS reports perfectly, so his bosses don’t mind his criminal past. Deavan, much like most people, questioned why Jihoon couldn’t just fix the broken cell phones himself so he would make more of a  profit, but he confessed that he lacked skill…. As well as the skill to buy the machine that does all of the work for him on Ebay. 
Since Deavan and Jihoon have been getting along for 12 minutes, they decided they should have the big wedding of her dreams. Family Jihoon had reserved a hall at a popular wedding location that was the definition of one stop shopping. This place rents the dress, tux, officiant, flowers (probably even a well behaved flower girl if Drascilla starts acting up in the middle of things….). Deavan was skeptical about this wedding place, as she had more of a traditional American wedding in mind. She didn’t even understand why the place had a “runway” in the middle (which any other person would recognize as an aisle), that led up to the ceremony stage.The kicker was when she heard the wedding could only last for one hour, since Koreans are too busy for a four hour event, and the idea of everyone relaxing and dancing together for more than an hour is laughable to the Mother Jihoon. They could be spending the time breaking and fixing cell phones instead. 
Deavan began to realize that her version of a wedding was not going to happen, so she should just think about what dress she’s going to rent to strut down the runway instead.

Karmando:

The new family is still driving home from last week, while cute little Hannah sat in the back questioning how much longer until they arrived, which is apparently a universal kid trait that knows no borders. Hannah couldn’t wait to see her very first big girl bedroom, and excited to see all of her things, new and old, awaiting her arrival. She spent her first night reading a book about having dos papas, as she pulled down her princess sleep mask for her first night in her new space.
The next day the party of three decided to take a ride to the flea market. Little Hannah seemed to be having a great time shopping, asking Armando for everything she sees. As they sat down to have a flea market snack of pork rinds (which you know Kenny just LOVED like everything else he’s eaten so far…), Kenny finally commented on Armando’s overindulgence of little Hannah. He explained that he ran a tight ship as a father, being that he had 4 kids, and made sure not to spoil them rotten. Armando didn’t appreciate Kenny’s tone (a slight bitchy dos papas tiff), but did acknowledge that he felt so badly for Hannah having lost her mother, that he pretty much bought her whatever she wanted. Kenny explains that he’s not trying to be salty (like the pork rinds he pushed aside), but wants to step up as a stepdad. (Stepdading 101 explains that you must first speak the child’s language. Mucho gusto, Kenny. De Nada.)

Brittany & Yazan:

A bra-less Brittany was hanging out (literally out of her dress) in Florida now, awaiting her final divorce hearing. She called Yazan on Facetime, who sounded like a robot reading cue cards, as he updated her on his life now that he’s been kicked out of the house and family fishy business. It sounds like he is now juggling two jobs (working at a barber shop and as a taxi driver) to make sure he has enough money for Brittany’s never ending orthodontic fetish. She explained that Yazan has not paid for much since they had met, and she had been the one financially responsible for plane tickets, hotels, etc. Upon hearing a passing stranger comment on her looks, Yazan told The Brittany he wants her to cover up a bit, which she seems shocked and confused by, even though his religion forbids the showing of tons of cleavage and isn’t too keen on other men ogling one’s potential wife.Their entire conversation just murdered my brain cells. Yazan ended their video chat by leaving her with the ominous message “You have to change too, Brittany” before he faded off of the call like a ghost. 

Brittany met up with her lifelong friend at the beach, where she discussed her current life drama. She explained that she had flown to Chicago in between segments to sign the official divorce papers, and now she is a single betrothed woman. She did tell her friend though about the issues she experienced with Family Yazan and how they all wanted to turn her from a sugar baby into a sugar-Habibi.
Brittany acknowledges that Yazan has taken steps to be his own man and rely less on his parents, but she wants even more. (I’m still not even seeing the connecting factor between these two, but that’s just me…) 
The finalization of her divorce seems to have woken her up to the fact that she may not want to go through all of that twice, and she better choose more wisely this time. She figured since she has the free plane ticket to Jordan she may as well go raise hell once more for old times sake. 

Tim & Melyza:

Gone, and kind of forgotten.