Darcey & Stacey: The Honeymoonposal

Stacey and Flo-money Flo-problems are packing up for their mini-moon getaway in Rhode Island. Florian’s honeymoon look was the definition of fashion. His thick bike chain necklace, paired with a sensible child’s fedora, and finished off with some oversized novelty glasses he borrowed from 90 Day Jess (my d*ck) was overshadowing Stacey at all times. While Stacey was busy driving the couple to their retreat, she asked her new husband to apply lip gloss to her extra plump lips, while she said the words “mmmmm” and “juicy”. Instead of having some alone time angel y angel, they decided to invite Darcey and Georgi along; Double the pleasure, double the fun.

Darcey and Georgi discussed their blossoming relationship as they drove to Rhode Island. Darcey mentioned some of her trust issues with Georgi, as she had seen a few women posting “fire emojis” on his Instagram photos, and in 5th grade girl code- this means trouble. Apparently some of the women posting said emojis were people Georgi had dated, which had all the makings of a complete Darcey meltdown.
They arrived at the picturesque AirBNB and were greeted by Stacey in sequined pants and Florian, still playing dress up in his 90’s dad glasses (even Darcey couldn’t help but comment on Florian’s new Rhode Island look). Darcey and Georgi brought a wedding gift as well as champagne to celebrate the newlyweds. Aside from being a model, massage therapist, rose connoisseur, and swashbuckling pirate, Georgi is also somewhat of a gourmet chef. He made the whole crew an entire dinner, and they all sat down to enjoy the view…. In the dark. Darcey and her glass of wine decided it would be a good time to bring up Georgi’s marital status at the table, as well as her concerns for Georgi’s level of commitment to their totally deep and meaningful relationship. 
Things seemed to escalate quickly, as Darey revealed she did a deep dive on one of the fire emoji posters only to see she had a baby, now questioning if Maury would reveal Georgi to be the father. Georgi was quiet at first, probably questioning all of his life choices that got him to this very moment in time, but finally confirmed that he does not have a secret baby, and that it is not physically possible to impregnate people through Instagram. Darcey ran from the table, accompanied by Stacey, for their obligatory “strong women” hug in the kitchen (there always has to be at least one…).  Georgi tried talking to her as well, doing his best to reassure her that he’s in this relationship for the right reasons, and not just to get more emojis on the ‘gram.
The next morning the four best friends that anyone could have planned a little beach day. Darcey tried to act as if nothing had happened the night before, but Georgi is acting standoffish and aloof. He walked away from Darcey on the beach to have a minute alone, but was soon joined by Florian, whose company is as close to being alone as you can get. Florian gave Georgi a positive pep talk, encouraging him to propose to Darcey to prove his level of seriousness (Florian in his glasses is way more introspective and intelligent. He’s like one step away from being the Dos Equis guy…)

Florian’s speech was so motivational, that Georgi decided to take Darcey on a romantic boat ride to discuss the future of their relationship. Darcey wore her technicolored dream dress with a sensible ponytail, which really accentuated the bonds of her keratin bond extensions. After a tense conversation, Georgi surprised her by pulling out the engagement ring he had stashed in his pocket, asking to take her acrylic tipped hand in marriage. Of course this prompted a crying moment for Darcey, who seemed to have forgotten about her issues with the relationship from the night before (as well as his legal wife) for the time being, as the sight of an engagement ring extinguished all of the flaming emojis. The producers then put together a beautiful montage of all of the crappy men we’ve seen her with, fake proposing with appreciation rings and house keys, culminating at this very moment.
It’s finally all happening for Darcey, and she can’t wait to head back to the house to gloat to Stacey and overshadow her mini-moon. Darcey flashed the ring, and was met with a congratulatory hug and cryfest from Stacey, because #Strongwomen. Florian said, “Congratulations, understand?” while Georgi looked on, smiling quietly, as he is now ready to film season two. Thus concludes hours of my life I will never get back…. But it’s okay, because I am a strong, independent woman.