Happily Ever After, Ep 15

I have to say….. This was an extremely anti climatic “season finale”. I get that it all occurred during the beginning of the pandemic, but still. I am looking forward to the reunion next week, and still crossing my fingers for leaked footage like last time.That being said….

Happily Ever After; Episode 15, the finale.

Larissa-ee:

Eric is spoon feeding Larissa carefully, as she lay in his bed post surgery looking like a Halloween prop. Eric-ee explains that he’s never had this much responsibility in his entire life. He didn’t realize how hard it would be taking care of FrankenLarissa, since he had to give her pain medication, feed her, wake up in the night if she needed something (while all mothers sitting at home watching are rolling their eyes…..).  After tending to Larissa, he now realizes that he really cares about her in a much deeper way and thinks their relationship has moved to the next level. What level that is, is still unclear.

He takes a pajama clad Larissa to see the giant plastic surgeon, who feels that she is healing up nicely, especially her new tiny nipples (something we could have gone on with our lives not knowing about). Poor Larissa really did seem to be in an incredible amount of pain as the doctor removed the bandages and admired his creation. 

Later on we see Eric-ee joined by Larissa’s friends who were waiting excitedly to see the new and improved Larissa 2.0. She made her debut in a pair of high waisted shorts and a bathing suit that covered just enough to be on television, while still allowing her new additions to have their well deserved screen time. Everyone seemed super impressed with the new look, and even more impressed with the fact that Eric stuck around to help. The now deeply committed couple told their company of their new living situation, which involves them sleeping in separate beds but in the same bedroom (kickin’ it old school like Lucy & Ricky). Hey, whatever works! I’m just wondering if Larissa will be changing up Eric-ee’s dorm room decor or embracing it. Everything’s better with creepy hand posters and christmas lights….

Angela & Michael:

Angela is packing up her suitcase with a heavy heart, worrying about making it home in time to see her mother, who is in the hospital in critical condition. She doesn’t even have the energy to yell at Michael one last time as she gathers all of her things to head to the airport. We see Angela toting her passport in her bra, with her “Bride To Be” pin still proudly attached to her toting camisole as she has a heartfelt goodbye with her new husband. 

She made it back to the U.S. luckily with enough time to see her mother in ICU and spend a little time with her before she ended up passing. Needless to say, it was very difficult for Angela and the family. She and her daughter Skyla were reminiscing about Grandma and what a strong woman she was, as well as discussing the difficulties of going through this sad time with the Grids. Angela also feels another type of loss, as Michael is still so far away and unable to physically console her. He tries his best via satellite, but Angela starts to worry that they won’t be able to endure being apart for much longer. Now that they are married, they have to submit the wedding photos to immigration (Angela got kind of mad when she heard she had to “submit”, but then calmed down….) and cross their fingers for Spousal Visa Approval (hopefully they won’t be too judgy about her black bra!). 

It was rough times for Angela in this season finale, but it looks like she will be coming back stronger than ever at the reunion. RIP Grandma

Elizabeth & Undrrrrei:

Meanwhile in the land of Meat & Honey….. 

The wedding is still raging on, and so is Baby Chuck. He was at the tail end of his touching speech “How about you fight me in Muldovuh! You live offa muh dad! Fight me! Amen.”

And then he skipped and danced around like a clown. Undrrrrei (now looking like some kind of “good guy” by comparison) takes Chuckles Jr outside for what seemed like it would be a punch in the face, but ended up being a “stern talking to”. They agreed to settle their differences another day, once they are home in America, and definitely not at the wedding.

Although he agreed, Chucklet did seem to sour the mood at the wedding somewhat, and needed countless people to quell his booze-infused ‘roid-rage. 

Elder Chuck, who appeared to have run a marathon with the amount of sweat beading off of his head, agreed to also settle his differences with his two-time son in law once they returned to the royal kingdom of Tampa. The happy newlywed-again couple appeared to enjoy the remainder of their peasant party, thus concluding the Moldovan Family Vacation (it would have been better with Chevy Chase….or if you got to take your picture with the baby donkey, who was the star of the entire season). 

Kalani & Asuelu:

It seems it is time for the Asuelians to leave, so Kalani, Asuelu and the kids (who were wearing regular clothes!) went over to the hotel to say their goodbyes. Asuelu expressed his thanks to Sister Rosa for coming (or just made some very Eric-ee-like hand gestures…not sure if it was really sign language), and said his goodbyes to his money loving Mama. As they were about to head out the door, Asuelu’s dear old mom asked one more time for some extra cash, but it turned out she was Jk-ing! Kalani and Asuelu laughed, though I’m thinking it was a little too soon. (Who knew she had jokes?!)

Tammy headed out before having a chance to say goodbye, as she’s still not a Kalani fan and apparently remains on team “I don’t care about the kids”. 

After Family Asuelu was out of the picture, the couple were able to have a kid-free date night at a Mexican restaurant where they took the opportunity to do their super staged “relationship homework” that their therapist had recommended. They were supposed to make some kind of list of chores they thought the other person should be doing or something… I’m not really too sure, as it was really contrived and I was hungry and just wanted to eat Kalani’s nachos. 

All I remember is Asuelu coming in with another classic pickup line; “You are the pineapple of my heart”. (These one liners must be what keep Kalani coming back for more!)

Later in the episode we see Kalani explaining that it’s now the age of Coronavirus, and she and Asuelu have been having a tough time during the quarantine. Apparently Asuelu was not taking the quarantine seriously, lying about his whereabouts and still serving up volleyballs with his friends, possibly not even 6 ft apart.

Kalani sat down with her mom in her tonal grey bedroom to discuss the status of her marriage, and how she felt it was time for them to have a break. Though she loves Asuelu and would like to work things out, she still feels unhappy and like he still isn’t committing to the family. That being said, she’s shipping him out to stay with the Samwan Mafia in Washington on an open ended ticket. I guess we will have to wait for the reunion to see if she is still the pineapple of his heart or the crabapple of his heart. (hey, if he doesn’t have to make sense, do I? I want nachos.)

Tania & Cinnamon:

Cinnabon is discussing his “Should I Stay or Should I Go” dilema with his family, who probably can not believe he is even considering returning to the US with Tania after all of her ridiculousness. Synonym explains that he is committed to Tania until he’s actually going to need to be COMMITTED from Tania driving him officially insane. His mom tries to caution him that he shouldn’t waste both of their time if he doesn’t think it will work out, but Syngi Lauper decides to press on with his slurping bride.

Next we see the couple going to get ice cream by the beach on their last day in South Africa. They basically blabbed on, confessing their commitment to their marriage and trying to change each other. Great. The most exciting thing about this segment was the ice cream. The best part about the ice cream was not having to watch Tania slurp it out of the cone.

It was time for the dream team to head back to the U.S., as we watched Synergy have an emotional goodbye with his family. Tania, on the other hand, seemed to be jumping for joy (with her bum foot, nonetheless), about their return to Shedsville, Connecticut. I am highly disappointed that no one took my advice on ditching Tania in Africa, and I hope she tells me off about that on “Happily Ever After Strikes Back”. Smell ya later, Tania!

Coltee & Deb:

After talking to his life coach/bff/hired extra “Steve” last week, Coltee decides he is going to have a serious talk with his mother about staying out of his man business. But first….we had to watch them get vegan mac and cheese via UberEats and listen to Debbie mispronounce it three times…. How charming. (Don’t worry Debbie…. my mom pronounces it “Vay-gan”).

Colt started the “heart to heart” by explaining that he needs more privacy, giving the example of Debbie’s meddling ways on “Debbie&ColtDoBrazil2020”. Of course Debbie was guilty of stirring the pot with Jess, claiming this is just her parenting style, but Colt conveniently left out all of the pictures of his member and his lies being the source of the actual relationship issues. I guess it was just easier for him to blame his mother (though I find it easier to blame Jihoon). Colt claims he needs to be his own man now, and doesn’t need his mommy cooking and cleaning for him….aka, he now wants vegan mac n cheese instead of Debbie’s gross beef stew. Debbie is of course hurt by the conversation, feeling like everything she does is in her son’s best interest, whether he likes it or not. However, she’s probably relieved not to have to do his laundry anymore, especially his gross socks and sheets… This is the only couple I know will stay together.