90 Day Book Report: Season 7, Episode 4

Tania & Cinnamon:
Tania brought Cinnamon back to the love shack to start their lives together, but it seemed to be a bit of a mess.
Why didnt she have time to fix up the shed, especially since shes such an organized planner? She’s unemployed, and clearly she wasn’t spending her time bra shopping.
Can’t her mother just let them live indoors and use the shed as the “smush room” ala “Jersey Shore”?!
It’s a good thing Synonym is from the Bush, because now it looks like hes going to have to pee in one- love shed doesn’t even have a bathroom.
The couple struggled to renovate together amicably, with Tania trying to micromanage everything Cinamon did. Living in an actual bush is looking better and better to poor Cinder block.
These two are no Chip and Joanna Gaines, they better not quit their day jobs! (Oh wait they don’t have those…..)

Michael & Julianna:
Julianna was sporting an outfit from “The Limited Too”, and she and CeCe had matching space buns hairstyles, a perfect look for an awkward modern family brunch. Michael actually looked like he was having breakfast with his 3 children. Sarah brought her A game to the brunch, looking better than she has in any previous episodes. At one point she took off her jean jacket and was looking great wearing a very form fitting, flattering tank top. Sarah needs to take Tania bra shopping.

Robert & Anny Poppins:
Anny and Robert went to the park to meet up with Bryson’s maternal grandparents. Apparently, Robert has kept his relationship on the D.L. for the last 2 years, and this is the first the grandparents are hearing about Anny. Bryson’s grandmother, who is apparently also a porn star, took Anny aside to speak with her privately, and ask her questions about her birth control status. (I’d think Bryson sleeping in the bed is the type she’s currently using). I’m guessing in her line of work that is a very routine question, but Anny Poppins-positively perfect in every way, took offense and left.
Later in the episode at dinner, Robert revealed that he in fact has 5 kids by 4 different women. Anny didn’t seem as bothered by that as she was that he still had all of his baby mamas photos on his Facebook, and she had receipts to prove it. These two should just stop going out for dinner, seems like it never ends well for them. I’m watching them bicker, all the while wondering who does Anny’s fabulous blowouts and if she has a keratin to fight the frizz. She needs a two for one deal for Robert.

Mike & Natalie :
The segment starts with Natalie’s girlfriends helping her pick an outfit to wear when seeing Mike again. They question the state of Mike’s finances, as well as his physique. Natalie’s mom on the other hand can’t wait for Paul Bunyan to arrive in Kiev, she might need him to chop firewood or something.
Mike and Natalie’s reunion at the airport was cute, but strange. I told you she had that Glen Close “Fatal Attraction” crazy look in her eye, and I think it’s starting to come out. She was scratching his beard in a really bizarre way (better than his armpit hair *cough, Tania, cough*), and Mike described her as a stealthy “Tigress”. Mike brought her a stuffed unicorn doll (possibly black market- stolen during Paul and Karine’s burglary). I hope her mother didn’t have to listen to her pouncing on him and clawing the furniture all night.
Meanwhile, plot twist: If things don’t work out with Cinnamon, Uncle Bo seems to also enjoy living in a shed-like structure. Slide in his DM’s, Tania!

Anna & Mussels:
Everything made me uncomfortable. The inability to speak to each other, the swarm of bees….just everything.
Anna’s friends threw the couple an engagement party, and Mussels came in shaking everyone’s hand quickly in a row, the way you would after a little league baseball game “good game, good game”. I dont think it’s his cultural difference that makes him odd, I’m thinking its Metamucil himself.
Get a can of raid and spray them both off the show with the damn bees- I’m done.

Blake & Jasmin:
Blake is lives at home with his parents post divorce, living out his best Zach Morris #hairgoals. He fishes around online and hooks Jasmin, an inflatable girl from Finland. Conveniently, Jasmin’s sister Janette also lives in L.A., very close to Blake. They shared an Uber to offset the cost, upon picking up princess Jasmin from the airport. Neither sister had any expression, most likely due to the amount of injections in their faces.
Jasmin seemed “thrilled” to see Blake after 6 months with her lukewarm hug, followed by her desire to spin around in a desk chair, shower and nap. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it was really generous of Blake to pay for the sisters to be together in the U.S.

P.S.
We need Angela to come tote this whole season. It’s a lost cause, but I’m hanging in!