Love After Lockup, S3, EP 8

John & Kristiana:
Kristiana is feeling pretty good after “conversating” with her mother. She and John are trying to have a day-date while also scooting around the rules of the halfway house. She is only supposed to be out looking for jobs, not eating Italian food with her long haired fringe-enthusiast new husband. Kristiana made sure to ask the waitress for an application along with a menu, as they sat down and waited for complimentary breadsticks, to make sure she was abiding by the rules. Unfortunately someone from the halfway house had been following her, hip to her plan and pulled her out of the restaurant, taking her back to the facility. John was freaking out as he vaped nervously, wondering what will become of his new wife. He later received a phone call from his bride, informing him that she was being kept in the halfway house without being allowed to job seek, and would be receiving tickets. Hopefully they will get to honeymoon at IHOP soon.

Jessica & Maurice:
It’s finally time for Maurice to meet the parents. Jessica’s mom and dad seemed to be nice and polite to Maurice, though they are a bit skeptical and concerned for their daughter, given his past. Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation, Maurice drops the bomb that he’s actually violating parole by being there (which is exactly what he promised Jessica he wouldn’t say, oops…). Maurice did seem to make a good impression on the parental units, while Jessica kind of sat there with her head tilted and squinting like usual. I do not believe anyone mentioned he was a Compton Crip, but in pig latin, it would be ompton-cay rip-cay, so Jessica can start saying that instead to change it up and make it fancier. Jessica’s father had a man to man chat outside with Maurice claiming he was excited to finally have another guy around, and was hoping they could go fishing together and tinker around the house. They could even get a fishing boat together and name it “Fish & Crips” and take it out on weekends wearing matching goofy hats. When they actually catch a fish, they can take pictures together holding up both the fish and gang signs. This seems like the start to a great relationship.

Quaylon & Shavel:
At the Welcome Home party, everyone is mingling until Shovel announces she has a surprise for the man of the hour… A new used car!! ( Very reminiscent of MTV’S “My Super Sweet 16”). Quaaylude was speechless, mostly because he had been locked up before even being of legal driving age.  A lot of Shovel’s family thinks she is going above and beyond, and shouldn’t be doing all of this and spending so much when he just got out of prison and has yet proven he is worthy. However, Shovel believes in her man and relationship.Shovel’s mom went head to head with Mama Quaylandria, each concerned for their own childs’ well being in this new relationship. Cousin Dmark took Quay-Quay outside to discuss his intentions, and feels as though he’s just talking the talk. On the flip side, Quaylon’s family (namely his sister) are extremely concerned for his safety in Kansas City, and make it clear to Shovel that she’d better keep him out of trouble, or else. 

Heather & Dylan:
Heather is brushing her 4 inches of Ronald McDonald red hair, fresh out of the shower, putting on her makeup to get ready to pick up her felonious boyfriend Dylan who is being released. (It must be noted that she had the worst 80’s wood veneer bedroom set and multiple colored wigs hanging around her room. Do you think she’s an international spy?? Cosplay? An employee of “The Bada Bing”??). She did however discuss her troubled past and some unfortunate traumas and relationships she had endured, which was pretty sad. 
Heather arrived at the pickup spot in a Spring dress, embracing Dylan sensually to an uncomfortable level, as she cried tears of joy. We had the chance to get to hear a bit from Dylan, as he explained that prior to his incarceration, he had modeled, partied, used and sold drugs, and been a major player with the ladies. He admitted that he hadn’t known Heather for long before he was locked up, but appreciated her loyalty throughout his time in prison. He did, however, note some red flags he had seen… like the fact that she had his name tattooed in multiple languages she doesn’t speak on various parts of her body. He admitted she did seem a bit crazy, but she looked good enough in the dress she was wearing so he was open to seeing how things go. 
Heather thought a great first stop would be to a local car wash, where she planned to get dirty on the inside, while getting clean on the outside (it’s called multitasking, people). Something tells me that although these two got a late start in the season, they are going to make up for lost time, and fast!

Shawn & Destinie:
Destinee returns home from her furniture store outing and questions Shawn about his credit card being declined. He somehow pedals his way out of that conversation, and Destinee shows him all 3000 things she did manage to buy with his card before she was cut off. (It also must be noted that she somehow had a beer in her hand within 30 seconds of walking through the door). 
The next morning we saw Destinie burning down the kitchen while cooking hashbrowns and confessing to getting drunk on hand sanitizer mixed with kool aid while in prison (and that was BEFORE Covid!). She also privately admitted to doing heroin while in prison, as it’s her favorite drug of choice, but didn’t want Shawn to know. 
Realizing that he could see himself eating burnt hash browns for life, Shawn brought his friend along to the jewelry store to look at engagement rings for Destinie. His friend made a lot of prison jokes, as he questioned Shawn’s sanity in wanting to propose so quickly. (Hey, if Destinie says “yes” they can have a hand sanitizer/koolaid toast to celebrate!). He purchased a $2000 rose gold ring for his precious jewel, and headed home.

Once there, Destinie had requested that Shawn help blow up her inflatable unicorn float before he headed out to work. Little did she know that while he was blowing up the raft, his ex girlfriend/baby mama Kelly was blowing up his phone. Once Destinie found out who he was talking to, she immediately demanded a plane ticket home, claiming that Shawn was a liar and she was done with him. She went outside to smoke, with Shawn following closely behind trying to calm her down and explain that SHE is his only “Destinie”. He had to leave for work, worried if his potential fiance would be there when he returned, only to have Destinie walk up to the car door and punch him repeatedly in the head. I guess we will have to wait until next week to see if they made up after the roadside takedown, or if Destinie is out of there (along with Shawn’s 50k bond money)……

Tyrice & Chanda:
Chanda is still choking down the same chicken wing from last week as we see Tyrice drive her to the bus station. She has to be at her halfway house which is about 3 hours away by bus. He sets her up with $200 for her trip back, which she claims is for “hygiene” (that’s a whole lot of deodorant and toothpaste, but a girl’s gotta be minty fresh ta death!) 
Next we saw Tyrice back at his place, sans the blue suit, trying to call Chanda but only to repeatedly get her voicemail. He gets a visit from his son, Lil Ty, who tries to bring up the fact that Chanda could have been using Big Ty the entire time, but Tyrice doesn’t agree. He feels he would know if he was being taken, and he knows no woman could resist the blue suit. Maybe Chanda’s just washing her hair with her $200 worth of shampoo, and will pick up the phone next week. 

Scott & Lindsey:

Lindsey is finally coming home from prison, and Scott couldn’t be more excited. We finally got to see Lindsey on the outside, who 5 minutes into the free world is already going on a shopping spree at CVS . Scott was waiting for Lindsey at the airport yet again, so they could finally meet in person and start their new life together. She ran into Scott’s arm, planting one right on his inflated lips as they sped off in Scott’s “drug dealer looking truck”, as Lindsey so eloquently described it. She has to quarantine for 14 days but luckily gets to do so at her new house with Scott instead of having to be at a halfway house. However, once she sees the house she feels a bit duped. Not only had Scott not hired the interior decorator from the first episode, but apparently he forgot to sheetrock, spackle, paint, remove nasty carpeting, and clean the dog hair out of the bathtub. Lindsey complained incessantly to Scott about the “nasty ass” house, claiming she was promised Disney World but got the County Fair (I found that to be a totally great and fitting analogy… though she could have said “what you ordered vs. Wish.com, but being locked up for a few years, she might not be up on that meme analogy). Since Scott uprooted his entire life to be with his ladyfelon, bought a house, and did everything she had asked, he felt Lindsey was being ungrateful. He tried to console her only to be met with a crazy meth-faced fury which would have made me back out of the house slowly with both dogs and drive off, never to return. Lindsey lay alone on the bed, claiming she may have “missed the mark” on this one, as she had previously had a lot of rich older boyfriends who apparently built her nicer closets On the bright side, Lindsey is stuck in the “county fair” house for 14 days of quarantine and then some. She can just HGTV the house herself. With all of that rage, she looks like she’d be great at “demo day” if nothing else….