Before the 90 Days of Our Lives, Episode 2

Joffrey & Varya:
Prince Joffrey starts off this episode driving to the airport with his teenage sons, discussing his hopes and excitement for his meeting with Varya. He makes the comment that he is putting all of his eggs in one basket (Angela’s ears might have perked up at the mention of a basket full of eggs), but his teenage son that looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo encouraged him to proceed with caution.
Back in Mother Russia, Varya and her best girlfriends were yakking it up, as they were nervous and concerned about Joffrey’s arrival. They asked if she just wanted to get to the U.S., which she didnt really deny, but felt that Joff’s abs and funny personality were a bonus.
Prince Joffrey arrives in Russia with his backpack like he’s going on a mission trip. He embraces Varya, and they have an emotional first encounter including crying, hugging, goose skin, selfies, and making out (well, sort of).

Darcey& Tom, well maybe:
It’s the return of a Before the 90 Days All-Star, everyone’s favorite bite sized , love-hungry, bias-steak-cutting, shoe throwing, glamour twin- DARCEY!
(I thought she deserved an epic intro). Darcey comes back to the flatscreen sporting a wedding dress to play up her marriage delusions, but we find out that she and Stacey are launching a bridal dress collection tailored to short, big-chested women with too much bronzer. (Ok, maybe not all of that is true…)
For those that are new to Darcey, she rehashes her relationship with Jesse (which I’m sure shed gladly do at length with a glass of wine), and touched on her confusing relationship with Tom, her more recent British beau. Darcey and her twin Stacey seem to have inflated more than just their business ventures…their lips are going to get their own spot in the Macy’s Day parade any day now. Stacey’s lips actually were so plump they were creating a mustache shadow, and her ponytail weave had this whole blonde Captain Jack Sparrow dreadlock thing going on, as she questioned Darcey about her relationship status with Tom. Darcey is also unsure.
They have a video call, where Tom divulges he’s going to be in NY for work and would like to meet up. Darcey, having been in this predicament before, is nervous that it’s another setup, and is not sure she would like to see him. Previews suggest otherwise….

BGL & Assman:
BGL starts this episode off by scrunching her hair just right and applying the frostiest silver eyeshadow to look her finest in her high/low silhouette, while she jumps on Skype with Assman to discuss her upcoming trip to Nigeria. She is still concerned with pesky females coming between her and Assman, but he reassures her that everything will be fine. BGL mentions something in passing about bringing Assman’s mother a goat, which is something I’m personally looking forward to seeing. Lisa makes it clear that she expects Asprin to give her his undivided attention while she’s there, as she’s now his love interest AND business manager.
Lisa meets up with her friends, who I’m not sure if they were an odd couple or just friends, but the guy had a small crop of hair on the top of his head that was mesmerizing.BGL bragged again to her friends about the Grammy nominated song Assman wrote her, but confessed she was upset that the director wanted to use a young Nigerian girl for the music video. She felt it would be more authentic if her face was superimposed, set to low opacity, like a ghost haunting his life (Hey, wouldnt be the worst music video I’ve ever seen!) Lisa’s friends are trying to give her a reality check on how dangerous this remote part of Africa is, and how important it is for her to be cautious. BGL feels that she can die a happy woman in Nigeria, as long as the song plays at her funeral, making the ghost video appropriate.
Another set of interesting friends came over to help babylove pack for her trip. First things first, she’s bringing a sexy mosquito net hat for protection, because the itchiness of a bug bite is far more worrisome than the itching and burning of an STD. BGL’s friend asked if Assman could possibly be a “Yahoo boy”, which was a new one to me. Apparently these are groups of young male scammers that live together in an apartment? I heard his roommate’s name was Williams….
Cant wait for next week, but until then I’ll have to spend my week singing I will pray for you, I’m in love with yoooou

Big Egg & Rosemarie:
Ed is chatting it up with his coworker, Kara, about his upcoming trip to meet Rosemaire (note, his desk plaque also says “Big Ed”). She feels Rosemarie seems sweet from the facetime chats she’s eavesdropped on, but wishes she knew her true intentions.
Kara points out to Ed that Rosemarie’s location is more remote and rural than he is expecting, and cautions him there will be gross bugs, lack of air conditioning, and most modern conveniences. Ed admits to Kara that Rosemarie’s sister (not her baby) messaged him asking for money to help with her store, and not to let Rose know. Ed seems to have declined and now is suspicious that he is possibly being used to bankroll 7-11 Philippines.
Ed is packing for his trip, only the essentials; candy, toothpaste and condoms. He sited the phrase “Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool”, though I like to use “Don’t just pack it, wear your jacket “, which works for practicing safety as well as keeping warm. Another one of Egg Benedict’s friends comes over to discuss being honest with Rosemarie, and how he needs to tell her that he doesn’t want to have any more kids. He doesnt feel Egg should propose to Rose, and should just take it slow.
He essentially wants Rose to Let-go my Eggo.
Ed head to the airport wearing his compression socks, and calls his daughter to leave her a video message before his trip. They touch base before he boards the plane, and we are all dying to if Rose gets Egg on her face.

Avery & Ashtray:
Avery and Ashtray are very much looking forward to meeting and connecting their souls in person. Avery is also looking forward to meeting Taj, his 10 year old son. Seems very trusting that Taj’s mother would be cool with her son moving across the world to live a new life, but what do I know?! Avery seems slightly nervous about their relationship, while Ash doesnt seem very forthcoming about their relationship with other people. No red flags there or anything….
Avery meets up with her family to discuss her trip to Australia and relationship with Ashhole. They seem skeptical and concerned for her safety.
In next week’s preview, the guy at the flower shop seems to throw Ash under the bus, by saying he’s in there often. That’s the most thoughtful relationship coach, ever!

Yolanda & The Williams:
Yolander (as we say in New York), is ready to book her flight to meet her hunky mystery man, but needs to know which airport she should fly into. She dials him up to ask, but the wifi in NigeriaUK must’ve been spotty that day, so he couldnt talk for long, and said he would text her the details. He texted the airport code “asp”, but I think that the message just didnt go through properly, and he meant to text “send me money asap”. She’s finally catching on, and the preview next week looks Caesar-esque. Great, my favorite.