Happily Ever After; Season 8, Episode 13

Liz & Big Ed:

Liz and her mother were back in Arkansas, ready to face Ed after a month’s time had passed. They headed to the house to get all of Liz’s belongings, which inevitably meant seeing the Mucinex Monster. Liz cried, as her mom gave her a pep talk before the two went into battle.

Back at the house, Ed explained that during his time without Liz, he has now purchased a boat (….which only makes me wonder how he would wear a floatation device). Clearly the whole housekeeper thing didn’t seem to happen, as the place looked like a disaster. As he took 20 minutes to make a smoothie, Ed went on and on about his decision to end things with Liz, making sure to point out all of her faults as if he weren’t just a Weeble Wobble.

Liz and her mom finally entered the house where Ed stood, barely counter-height, in front of his mess. The ladies began cleaning out some of the rotten food, but couldn’t seem to get away from the rotten Egg in the middle of the room. Ed began to nitpick about everything they were doing, as he antagonized both Liz and her mother, trying to get them to react. Liz advised her mother just to ignore the angry representative of the Lollipop Guild, as they gathered all of her belongings and took them to the spare bedroom. 

They should’ve just duct taped him to a chair for awhile until they finished moving. Problem solved.

 

Angela & Mykol:

Back in Azerbaijan….(I feel like I don’t get to say that enough)
Angela seemed to have reunited with Mykol despite all of their Visa interview drama as the two sat down at a restaurant where your dinner runs around the table before you eat it (“Farm to table” in Africa is on another level). Angela tried to dig deeper into Mykol’s Visa timeline, asking how he knew the Visa could possibly take an additional two weeks when the embassy never gave him a deadline. Mykol scrambled to come up with an answer that wouldn’t result in having a drink thrown in his face, but failed miserably, as he accidentally admitted that he was in an online group for Visa prospects. Of course this caused Angela to snatch his phone so she could see what he had been up to. The Supersleuth Meemaw was confused when she first found that Mykol had been making several deposits unbeknownst to her into an online account that he referred to as a “Piggy bank”, saying it was a type of savings account. She started to go off the rails feeling lied to about the bank account, which turned out to only be a fraction of Mykol’s secret online dealings. She found the “Visa” group he was referring to, only it was called “Paradise Men”, and he happened to be the group administrator. Angela clung tightly to her cigarette as she screamed at Myol, dousing him in a quick beer shower from her bottle, as she felt he was helping other Nigerians to scam Americans to get a Visa. She seized his phone as she stormed out of the restaurant, managing to yell at even a rogue duck to “Get the h*ll out of Meemaw’s way” (The chef probably didn’t even have to kill the duck, it just had a heart attack).
Once back at the hotel, Angela went through everything on Mykol’s phone where she dug even deeper into the “Paradise Men” situation. She spotted conversations regarding pairing up older American women with Nigerian husbands and realized Mykol had been taking money for his matchmaking services. He had also posted personal information, such as Angela’s tax returns and questions in regards to how life insurance works. Meemaw didn’t even know what to do, but is definitely going to need an entire case of cigarettes to get through this one. She might just rip off more than his car bumper this time. 

 

 

Jasmania & Gee-Know:

Things had been more awkward than usual after Jasmine brought up Gino’s pornography addiction last week, and the two had yet to make amends. But it was very important to put their differences aside for the sake of appliance shopping, since Gino’s ancient washing machine had been on the fritz. The two went to the appliance store where they perused the inventory while airing out the “dirty laundry” of their relationship. Gino had mentioned he had lunch with Uncle Marco (The “Don” of his Italiano family) and asked for some marital advice. Uncle Marco encouraged his nephew Gino/Fredo to pay for the beauty pageant entry fee to make Jasmine happy, and hopefully get past this obstacle in their relationship. Though Jasmine was happy to hear she’d be taking center stage, she felt the thanks belonged to Uncle Marco, and not Gino, as he had to be encouraged to pay for the entry fee, instead of doing it on his own. Gino maintained his position that Jasmine was an ingrate, and wished she was more calm and gentle, instead of demanding and “b*tchy” before storming off, washing machine-less. 

Nothing new here, folks. Just add “appliance store” to the extensive list of places where they’ve fought publicly. (If they fight at the Post Office next week, I’ll finally get BINGO!)

 

 

Rob the Knob & Dollar Store Daenerys Targaryen:

Sophie was still in Kaye’s apartment with her mom, who insisted she needed to accompany her daughter to speak with Rob. Of course this has all been tried before, but Sophie felt another “sit down” was needed since being rid of Rob would mean getting a divorce, so she wanted to be super duper uber yuber sure.
The ladies met up with “the Knob” at an outdoor cafe, where Rob seemed to start off in a friendly and complimentary mood. Mother Sophie was in no way falling for his shoddy niceties, as she went into the conversation hot. She let Rob know he had hurt Sophie’s feelings when he didn’t compliment her porn store spandex, as he couldn’t differentiate it from her everyday spandex. She felt Rob was manipulating Sophie, as he began arguing with his mouthy mother in law, already ditching his phony “nice guy” demeanor. 
As per usual, Sophie felt caught in the middle as she sat there, periodically saying either “mum” or “Rub” in her meekest voice to stop one or the other when the insults started going a bit below the belt. 

Surprisingly the first one to cry during this round was Mama Sophie, causing Soph to leave the table to comfort her. Her “mum” accused Rob of manipulation, but the master had to step in to show him who invented the game.

 

 

Patrick & Thighs:

After much thought, Patrick decided against having baby Aleesi’s first birthday party at his father, Joe-Say’s dude ranch. He felt it was too much work and money for a birthday party, slightly overlooking the fact that his dad was trying to use him to renovate his house. BroJo (Brother John) and Thighs remained a united front on the subject of JoeSay using his son, and tried their best to get Patrick to realize he was being taken for a ride. Patrick tried to downplay all of the many examples of his father’s “User-Moohamitt”-like qualities, which also included using the couple’s washing machine in the apartment that he made them pay rent for, when they only visit once every two years. (I may not be Dinyell, but I’d put that fact in my binder of EVUHdense!)

Later on the crew got ready for the dueling dads to meet. They had planned to head to a restaurant with both Father Thighs and Father Joe-Say, where Patrick will inevitably be picking up the check. Also along for the ride was Mother Thighs, who had been divorced from her Soap Opera star ex husband for quite some time. Father Thighs seemed to take a shine to Bruthah John, as he enjoyed speaking about him in Portuguese while he sat there staring and confused. Carlos wasted no time bringing up the fact that JoeSay was looking to make a quick buck off of his granddaughter’s birthday party, creating awkward tension. John was confused most of them time as the dads dueled, leaving Patrick feeling upset, as he reached for his wallet to give his dad some cab money to get home.

 

 

 

 

Emily & Kobe:

Emily and Kobe were still waiting from last week for his ex-girlfriend to show up, where Emily had hoped to gain intel about the early stages of she and Kobe’s relationship. Preview had shown two women walking near them, insinuating that one of which was Kobe’s ex-girlfriend, but not so much. 

After it seemed the ex was a “no show”, Kobe finally answered Emily’s interrogation by letting her know that he technically wasn’t broken up with his girlfriend at the time of their meeting. He claimed to have fallen in love with Emily, and THEN broken up officially with his girlfriend in Cameroon. Thaths it folks, nothing more to thee here. Thankths fer thtopin’ by.

 

 

 

Ashley & Manuel:

After the whole lawyer experience last week, Manuel was still spinning from hearing about Ashley’s $100k debt. They fought all the way to the fancy grocery store, where Manuel heckled Ashley about her many useless degrees, as she insisted she had previously informed him of her mounting student loan debt. He then asked her for an additional $300 to send to his brother, which she found suspicious as she had recently given him $1000, without explanation as to what it would be used towards.
Clearly Manuel was tapping the dry well, as he continued to use Ashely Warbucks for money to support his wife and children back in Ecuador. Should I tell him about “Paradise Men”??